daydreamer71 Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 I have posted on here in the past about my breakup, his rebound, and most recently about our reconciliation. We stayed together for 4 months and after a insignificant disagreement he ended things again. This is a warning to the ones who are having trouble staying in NC. I didn't, even while he was in his rebound relationship during our first break up. We never went more than a few weeks without contacting each. I convinced myself it was because we truly loved each other. That our bond was so strong that we couldn't be without one another. What was actually happening was that I was helping him get over me by letting him slowly wean himself away instead of letting him.experience the pain of losing me. I was hurting and grasping at straws wanting him.back, while he was keeping me on a back burner just in case. This last breakup is different. He was cold and distant from the start and even encouraged me to move on. At this point we haven't had any contact in over 6 weeks. The last contact was an argument and he said I would never hear from.him again. I wrote him an email a few week later apologizing for my part. No response and I don't expect any. My warning is this- if you want your ex back, go no contact as soon as possible after your breakup. It may not work, but for me staying in contact made his decision to breakup easier for him. I truly believe if I had cut him out of my life completely the first breakup we would probably have ended up staying together. He never experienced losing me. He knew I loved him and that I was waiting. I may be wrong as I am surely no relationship expert, but I believe that letting him miss me would have given me a better outcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quidam Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 I can relate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EtrnalOptimist Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 I'd have to disagree. If you are compatible. If there is enough there to keep you together & you are right for each other, you will work through it TOGETHER. Mind games and "breaks" are not the answer to repair hurt / trust. So my advice is the reverse. By all means step back and take stock. Decide what you're comfortable compromising / changing, and have that face-to-face meeting. Be at peace with whatever outcome knowing you didn't sell yourself or force him/her to sell hers which will only be temporary.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daydreamer71 Posted June 16, 2017 Author Share Posted June 16, 2017 Like I.said, I am certainly no expert. I am only speaking from my own experience. I think we were very compatible. We enjoyed spending time together and I have lived long enough (40+ years) and had other relationship experience enough to know that we truly did love each other. There were other factors that played big parts in our breakup, and we rushed into reconciliation without working through issues that we should have, but I truly believe in our situation, that if I had walked away things would have been different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lostinlove31 Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 It can be hard. Especially if you keep them as "friends". Even if they wean off you they may come back later after a longer period of NC. But going NC is a chance for you to regain yourself after being heartbroken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daydreamer71 Posted June 16, 2017 Author Share Posted June 16, 2017 That's something I am learning. This breakup is different for me, too. Not talking and having no knowledge of anything going on in his life has made a huge difference in my healing. I feel like myself again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mari Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 Like I.said, I am certainly no expert. I am only speaking from my own experience. I think we were very compatible. We enjoyed spending time together and I have lived long enough (40+ years) and had other relationship experience enough to know that we truly did love each other. There were other factors that played big parts in our breakup, and we rushed into reconciliation without working through issues that we should have, but I truly believe in our situation, that if I had walked away things would have been different. I don't think you rushed reconciliation. I think the problem was that you left for four months and were separate during that time. That's essentially what killed this relationship and he started emotionally investing in someone else. Past that point, if you went NC all it would've done is helped you heal and him to miss you, but then get hurt severely over how you treat him once broken up and then not return to you. It's unlikely you two would've come back stronger, if anything, it is more likely that NC would've helped him stay with the other girl as he would settle in knowing that you don't respond anyway. To come out of this without being broken up was to temporarily move closer to your dad for both of you. And if that wasn't possible then to limit your time there to less than three weeks. Past three weeks people start adjusting to living in that condition and he adjusted to being single for four months while you were away. Just as you now have a scar with this relationship and were afraid of investing and falling back into the same pattern, he had a scar as well. His was that you can leave at any time for four months and that other family members are a higher priority than he is. And regardless of whether you were to come back or not he has to consider investing in you and risk ending up in an LDR by force. His choice was to not get back together, lack of trust kills relationships and it did for you because you were worried he would invest in someone else, and it did for him because he was worried you could get up and leave at any time over the right medical condition. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah84 Posted July 11, 2017 Share Posted July 11, 2017 Well I find the above a bit quickly concluded... I dont think that it only takes 3 weeks for anyone to get adjusted to not having a certain loved one around. That takes much longer. I'm dealing with the same question of whether sticking around is a good or a bad thing. I did stick around for some months after he suddenly had another girl, i was cool but slowly tried to mend things, and just when I thought we were coming closer, he told me by text that he is soon marrying this - what I think - rebound. Maybe indeed I also should have backed off in the beginning so that he had felt what it would have been like to completely lose me. So since this news it's nc on my behalf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rustysuit Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 Well I find the above a bit quickly concluded... I dont think that it only takes 3 weeks for anyone to get adjusted to not having a certain loved one around. That takes much longer. I'm dealing with the same question of whether sticking around is a good or a bad thing. I did stick around for some months after he suddenly had another girl, i was cool but slowly tried to mend things, and just when I thought we were coming closer, he told me by text that he is soon marrying this - what I think - rebound. Maybe indeed I also should have backed off in the beginning so that he had felt what it would have been like to completely lose me. So since this news it's nc on my behalf. You never EVER stay friends with your ex, no matter what everyone says. My fav phrase I saw on the subject was on this site "stay friendly, not friends". If he texts you, be polite and reply back BUT don't put much of yourself into it. It's amazing how many people will say "well, it's a case by case scenario". Well, sh*t, it really isn't. THis person broke up with you. Lingering around won't do any good at ALL. If they want to keep contact, let them, but being friendzoned is your own choice. Going NC isn't to meant to "get the ex back". It's to heal and take a step back and look at things with a different perspective. You can't do that if you're "friends" with your ex. That will never happen. Friendly, not friends. That's the key. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah84 Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 Friendly, not friends. That's the key. Hey I do like that one. I'll take it on board. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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