How to Be Friends with Ex-Girlfriend from Almost 30 years ago?

[thediamond]

So I have always thought of my ex-girlfriend from back in high school in 1988. We really weren't in a serious relationship because she was from a Muslim family. But she was one of the best things to happen to me in my life. She was super smart and Valedictorian. She went on to become a Doctor. The only reason we called it quits is because I had to move to another city and she went to college. I was a sophomore and she was a senior. Anyway, even though there was some romance involved, I really admired her and respected her a lot a just a person. She was kind of more like a mentor with a mix of some romance involved. She helped get me serious about school and taught me some life lessons. I have often thought about her throughout the years. She was one of the reasons I think I have been successful. It always has ached at my heart because it ended on such great terms but involuntarily. I have missed her greatly through the years. We are both married but I have checked up on the Internet just to see what she has been up to. I sent her a letter in 2001 or so. I guess her husband intercepted it because he left a threatening message on my answering machine. So not sure if she even ever got it. But basically I was just asking her how she was doing and how her family was doing and told her how my family was doing. No response. Either she didn't get it or she didn't want to respond. In 2014 I was able to find her email on the Internet and sent her a message letting her know how important she was in my life and success and how I looked up to her. I told her what was happening with me, etc. I specifically told her I was not looking for any romantic contact as we were both married I am was happy in my marriage. No response. Did she get it and didn't want to hear from me or did it go to spam or what? This month I sent her another email simply saying I hoped someday we could be friends and if she ever needed someone to talk to she could contact me. No response again.

 

My questions are (mostly for other women to answer): How can I get her to respond? Do you think she would ever respond? Is this appropriate communication? Or is it a lost cause? What would you think if you were in her situation? Thanks a lot for your replies.

[Hollyj]

I think that you need to move on, and leave her alone. I also would think it strange after all of this time.

 

You are not respecting her marriage, and most importantly, you are not respecting yours.

 

How does your wife feel about all of this?

[Hollyj]

Also, I think that she gave the letter to her husband, and had him respond.

[boltnrun]

How did your wife react when you showed her the letter and emails before you sent them?

 

Because of course you showed them to your wife...correct?

[RainyCoast]

it's been thirty years, you can't stop thinking about her, idolizing her, and contacting her even though you know for a fact it is a disruption to her marriage, she has never once responded, and your thoughts and attempts to reach her need to be kept secret from your wife, and you are set on getting a response from her??

 

what the...

 

 

why are you insisting? what the heck do you want??? what "lost cause" - what cause have you, a married man, with a married woman, whose husband is rightly fed up with you, and who has shown no interest into contacting you in three decades?

 

book a therapist. this isn't even close to normal.

 

and really, for a female opinion, ask your wife.

[thediamond]

Thanks for the responses. My wife knows all about it and is fine with it because there is no romantic intent. It's just to be friends. I am happy in my marriage. I told her all about it. Everyone has different values so who know what her beliefs are about things like this. I was just hoping she would answer back either way. I would respect that and give me piece of mind that she actually got my communication. At least that is what I would do if I got a similar inquiry. She tried to contact me just as a friend after I last saw her a very long time ago via postcard. This was before the Internet and email. I didn't respond because of religious reasons. Long story. Things have changed. When I sent the letter in 2001 she had already moved from the location I sent the letter but her husband was still there but I didn't know that until later. They were in the process of moving. So not sure if she ever knew about the letter or got it or if the husband just intercepted it and got mad. I personally would not be mad if my wife was sent a letter but again, everyone is different. My wife and I are not jealous people and we are secure in our marriage. As far as the couple of emails, who knows. I have emails I don't monitor anymore. I guess time to give up though. I just see it as a missed opportunity to communicate my gratitude. Life is too short not to.