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Extreme sadness and anger after hanging out with friends

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Yup. As stupid and just ty as it sounds it's true. I'm already dealing with some self confidence and insecurity right now, so hanging out with my friends should be a go to for someone to feel better about themselves? Nope. Not me. I think it might be because a lot of the people I'm friends with are kind of s, but I used to hang with them before and it was all good. I'll get along fine, but when I get home I just get this searing sadness that I can literally feel in my heart and I start to sob and then I start to feel sorry for myself, which makes me feel even worse, and then I get angry because I let this pathetic cycle of self hate happen over and over again. This one person in particular, used to be "sex buddies" with my current girlfriend, I am still friends with him, even though he's a gigantic , but now when I look at him and hang around him I just get this feeling like I'm not good enough and I just want to punch him straight in the face for making me feel this way. My girlfriend is visiting her mom right now and won't be back for another 8 days and I just told her about how I feel about it. She's expressed her disgust and shame for doing things with him before, repeatedly. I miss her so much. I'm so ing tired of this. I just want to be free of all this garbage and just pursue happiness.

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