I rejected to hang out once, now my girlfriend is furious.

[Bemjanim]

Hello,

Me and my girlfriend are together for roughly 3 years. I am 19 years old and so is she. Our relationship has had its ups and downs but it was mostly quite fine. We love eachother a lot and usually spend a lot of time together. A few days earlier she had some things to do related to her university and I was at home.. The day was extremely hot and I was just relaxing at home, all sweaty and actually really wanting to shower. So she calls me, all out of a sudden, saying how she has around half an hour free and that she wants to meet up.. I tell her that I cannot now as I am really not in the best shape as I desperately need a shower after the hot day (I really couldn't go out all sweaty and stinky), to what she reacts very immaturely saying how I am just looking for an excuse not to see her and stuff like this. I told her thats not the case, (We had seen eachother the day before that anyway), and that I just couldn't do it at the moment.

 

And here I am, two days later, trying to meet up with her.. First she agrees, then randomly texts me how shes cancelling everything and that after all she doesn't want to see me. If I try talking to her on facebook, she really makes me mad with the way shes thinking even tho I told her a hundred times its not what she thinks it is. All she is saying is that I "don't care for the relationship and never make an effort in our relationship". Take note that I have almost never said no to hanging out with her, unless I had something else planned that I could have not rescheduled.

 

I'm interested in your opinions regarding my situation and hearing your thoughts would be really great.

 

Best regards,

Benjamin

[melancholy123]

She sounds rather spoiled and entitled. If your story is accurate, she has seriously over reacted.

[1Love1]

First off, I love how well written your post is. It's so uncommon these days to come across someone who can form a coherent sentence with proper grammar and punctuation.

 

Unfortunately, the problem with your girlfriend boils down to maturity. You can't make someone instantly more mature. When someone is young and relies on their ego to drive them forward, it creates a block for anyone who tries to make them see anything other than their own point of view. You can be the voice of reason until you're blue in the face, but the only thing they see is their own hurt feelings.

 

The only thing to do is be straight forward: "I know you're upset, but I had no intention of hurting you. If you are unwilling to listen, then I'll be here once you've calmed down. Hope you feel better soon." Anything after that is her own choice. She can choose to keep wasting her own time being upset over a situation she has created with her own mind, or she can stew for a bit and then let it go.

[Careerchoice]

Unfortunately, the problem with your girlfriend boils down to maturity. You can't make someone instantly more mature. When someone is young and relies on their ego to drive them forward, it creates a block for anyone who tries to make them see anything other than their own point of view. You can be the voice of reason until you're blue in the face, but the only thing they see is their own hurt feelings.

 

No. I mean, yes, gf is immature, but nothing can be done about that, so it's pointless to worry about it. The real issue is boundaries. OP, your gf would only act this way if you let her get away with it over a period of time. You need to man up and grow a spine. She's being unreasonable. You have to communicate that to her, and if she doesn't see your reasonable point of view, you have to be willing to end the relationship. I know it may seem extreme to take this type of step to someone who normally doesn't do something like this, but it's really necessary for the health of the relationship that she knows she can't act like this and keep you around. If you don't have strong boundaries, she'll eventually leave you. It's that important.

 

The only thing to do is be straight forward: "I know you're upset, but I had no intention of hurting you. If you are unwilling to listen, then I'll be here once you've calmed down. Hope you feel better soon." Anything after that is her own choice. She can choose to keep wasting her own time being upset over a situation she has created with her own mind, or she can stew for a bit and then let it go.

 

No that's the wrong response. And he always has a choice. He can always choose to leave her. She needs to understand this. I.e., "You're being unreasonable about this. Either you see my point of view or I'm leaving you."

[itsallgrand]

I think she's behaving like a jerk and playing a game, whether she has the self awareness she is doing that or not. She's testing you for how much she can make you jump. It may be because she's insecure, or she's losing interest ( or wants to pursue someone else). She's starting a fight out of nothing and even rambling on about it on Facebook, which is a jerk move.

 

The only thing to do is let her know it's not acceptable to you, and let the chips fall where they may. Maybe she'll check herself, or maybe she won't - but whatever you do, don't play the game. Don't keep engaging trying to get her to see you. Back off and let her figure out her next move.

 

She owes you an apology if she contacts you again ( and she will).

[Doc Blaze]

My ex was the same way, she never completely stopped doing it. I believe that's what led to our break up or one of the reasons.

 

I got to the point where I just stopped arguing because it was always my fault , if I defended myself, I was wrong, if I didn't say anything because I knew it would lead to a fight, I didn't care.

 

some people grow out of it, my ex did not fully. she didn't have to say anything I could just tell she was annoyed with me.

 

If you have been dating her for 3 years and she has always been some what like this, buckle up if you want to stay because there is way more to come.

[Careerchoice]

I got to the point where I just stopped arguing because it was always my fault , if I defended myself, I was wrong, if I didn't say anything because I knew it would lead to a fight, I didn't care.

 

I respect you my friend, but this was the wrong response. The right approach is to be so sure in your position that you're willing to be the one to end a relationship if she doesn't see your point of view. It's all about setting and enforcing boundaries. With girls, if you let things Feseter, it eats away at the relationship. There has to be a final resolution if it dispute arises.

[Doc Blaze]

I respect you my friend, but this was the wrong response. The right approach is to be so sure in your position that you're willing to be the one to end a relationship if she doesn't see your point of view. It's all about setting and enforcing boundaries. With girls, if you let things Feseter, it eats away at the relationship. There has to be a final resolution if it dispute arises.

 

that's not advice. I never said it was the correct advice. I was letting him know what will happen if you continue to let her do this. When you are into someone its not easy for most people to say ok this is enough, I am leaving. if tat was true, then this website would not even exist nor would OP even created this thread

[Bemjanim]

I really appreciate every single comment. Thanks a lot for taking your time to read my thread and write down your own thoughts.

 

I agree that to some extent that this is a bit my fault. Situations like this one have happened before and she has had a similar approach to them, so I probably should have told her sooner that it won't fly.

 

She is quite stubborn and proving that something is not the way she sees it is nearly impossible...While on the other side I'm quite a simple person. I forget and forgive quite a lot and quite easily, without the need to discuss and go over every little detail.

 

I'm not sure whether during such arguements should I just try to prove my point? Or I should avoid the arguement in the first place? I tend to get a bit annoyed by long, lengthy, detailed discussions..

[abitbroken]

I really appreciate every single comment. Thanks a lot for taking your time to read my thread and write down your own thoughts.

 

I agree that to some extent that this is a bit my fault. Situations like this one have happened before and she has had a similar approach to them, so I probably should have told her sooner that it won't fly.

 

She is quite stubborn and proving that something is not the way she sees it is nearly impossible...While on the other side I'm quite a simple person. I forget and forgive quite a lot and quite easily, without the need to discuss and go over every little detail.

 

I'm not sure whether during such arguements should I just try to prove my point? Or I should avoid the arguement in the first place? I tend to get a bit annoyed by long, lengthy, detailed discussions..

 

I have to tell you my best friend's brother married a woman like this. She is now 39 and she has not changed a bit. She has thrown tantrums - and delayed their wedding by an hour to boot for her tantrums and titfortats.

 

Her behavior is NOT your fault. You did nothing wrong. The only thing you shouldn't do is beg. I would have counter offered her - i am not ready to go out right now, but what about tomorrow? and if she still is acting like a 2 year old, just tell her that you hope she has a good time and end the convo.

[kamurj]

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