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Seeing old flames/ex


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I recently got engaged to my boyfriend of five years. Quick backstory: He has many siblings, and his brother and his gf, who have been in a serious, very unstable relationship, for a few years did something really terrible at a family event and we just made up with them after not talking for months. I was really happy to make up because I already dont like him as a person and so adding any drama to that just frustrates me at family events and I dont like having tension with people in general. A week after that bad thing happened, we find out they are having a baby. So just recently when we made up I started talking to his gf about the baby shower and generally just being friendly with her and nice about the baby, because she really wants me to be apart of their sons life. Despite all their drama (alcoholism, domestic abuse, hes just an a-hole) I still want to move forward through all this because theyre family. Another quick backstory: My fiance and his brother were really wild growing up, they werent what id call "nice guys" at all and slept around ALOT.


So next month is the baby shower. And we have told them were going, I talk with my future stepmom about the plans and try to help. I just looked at the guestlist and there are two girls going (out of like 20 other people though) who my boyfriends been with. Now I made a promise to myself when I fell in love with him to not hold his past against him, to be a confident woman, and I also just trust him alot... so I dont know why its bothering me so much theyre going. Part of me is just over this trashy history coming up all the time. One of their sisters is also still VERY close with one of my boyfriends serious ex's, and alot of girls hes hooked up with, so its actually quite often I hear their names thrown around in conversations or see photos of them going out on the weekends, we have skipped events because theyre there..stuff like that. i dont think its insecurity or jealousy, i think i just dont enjoy that crowd at all, it isnt fun to hang AROUND girls who have been with the man im about to marry. im sure i can ignore them but it will still be akward, and also you dont just ignore people completely when you havent seen them for years because that akward...ive also made a lot of changes recently and havent put myself in a situation like this since i used to struggle with insecurities and trust, so maybe its really not a big deal at all. im not sure exactly how to approach this. i could still go, make the best of it, but idk if its worth it. i dont know if i care that much, but i wanted to care. hope that makes sense! thanks for any advice think i just need a reality check.

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This is your future sister-in-law's baby shower. I think you should suck it up and go. How many more events will you miss/make your fiance miss because of the presence of an ex? You are there with him, what's the worry? Has he given you any reason to worry? You have had him for 5 years and are now engaged. Unless there is something you aren't sharing I think it's time to get over this. Is this the kind of baby shower that's like a party or is it just a punch and cake, open presents type of shower? If you decide not to go, your fiance won't be able to attend either? What does he think about all this? How do you think your future family will take that?


I think this threat is in your head. Unless these women have been trying to get at your bf this entire time I don't see the big deal with showing up at a family event with your FIANCE. He chose you, after all.

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