Using me for sex/connection

[Igor1]

I am trying to get back together with my ex. He assures me the last thing he wants right now is a relationship even though he is talking to other girls. He lost his virginity to me so I can see why he'd want to have sex with someone else. He said he liked the chase of it. He also said he likes being my friend and would like to contact me a couple of times a week to check up on me. He said he wants to get back together in the future but wants to solve some Serious concerns he had about the relationship and get this out of his system and be single and himself for a while.

 

Should I stop contacting him and block him on all social media. He gets concerned when I tell him I should block him because he says "how could I reach out to you then?" What should I do?

[sandy321]

Your title sums it up. He's putting you on the backburner that's why he's concerned about you blocking him. Honestly, just quit while your ahead. You want and deserve a relationship with someone who knows they want to be with you, fully committed. Just block him before you get more emotionally invested and focus your efforts of finding someone who makes you happy.

[NightLily]

Why are you trying to get back together with him?? You got attached to him because you slept with him but he is an immature manipulator. We established that on your last thread about him. You don't NEED to block him. You can either: stop responding or tell him you don't want him to contact you anymore.

 

Please look up the definition of a F---boy.

[Igor1]

is he manipulative because I have pushed him to be this way or is he just that way? I always was told x y and z was my fault so I'm like unclear of what is and isn't.

[Igor1]

And I'm trying to make it work because he told me it's my fault he doesn't want to get back together. It's my fault for exploding and getting upset. He said he doesn't want to be in a relationship for three more years because of how miserable he was in the relationship. Funny because he never told me that when we were together. I feel so guilty and that I ruined everything. I did saw really mean things to him after we broke up because I was so upset that I was taken for granted.

[mustlovedogs]

is he manipulative because I have pushed him to be this way or is he just that way? I always was told x y and z was my fault so I'm like unclear of what is and isn't.

 

What does it matter? It doesn't matter why he is or isn't a certain way. Him being in YOUR life is YOUR choice.

[Hopeful143]

I know this is difficult to deal with and i myself am going through something very similar. (Got that space speech and this came 11 years later after 2 kids and a dog). My ex did the same to me with trying to make all our problems my fault but truth is its a way for them to get right with their decision. Nothing is ever really one sided so make peace with the fact that you did make mistakes in your relationship but so did he. And at the end of the day he just doesn't want to be in a committed relationship and nothing you can do or say will change that. Let him go. Work on you and be a better version of yourself and believe that whatever is meant to be will be. If you two are meant to be together it will happen but for now move on without him. It's so hard and so painful but i promise you that with time your heart will heal and this experience will help you grow as a person. Hope this was helpful.

[Igor1]

I know this is difficult to deal with and i myself am going through something very similar. (Got that space speech and this came 11 years later after 2 kids and a dog). My ex did the same to me with trying to make all our problems my fault but truth is its a way for them to get right with their decision. Nothing is ever really one sided so make peace with the fact that you did make mistakes in your relationship but so did he. And at the end of the day he just doesn't want to be in a committed relationship and nothing you can do or say will change that. Let him go. Work on you and be a better version of yourself and believe that whatever is meant to be will be. If you two are meant to be together it will happen but for now move on without him. It's so hard and so painful but i promise you that with time your heart will heal and this experience will help you grow as a person. Hope this was helpful.

 

He just thinks it's really mean and immature for me to block him on all social media outlets and that it's immature for me to not keep an open mind in the future. He gets really upset when I say I need to let him go so I can find a fulfilling relationship. And he is like why do you need to be in a relationship? Yet he doesn't want one with me and wishes me well in my future endeavors and hopes I keep an open mind for him in the future which is why he gets so upset if I block him.

[Titanll]

Why is it even important to you what he thinks?

 

Think for yourself or get used to being a doormat.

[MissCanuck]

This is the same boyfriend of 7 years you caught talking to another girl a year ago? The one who went MIA for 2 hours while he helped this girl "find her car"? And then booted you out?

 

OP, you need to stay away from this guy once and for all, and work on your self-esteem so you stop letting him use you. It's over between you two. Many of us explained in your other thread why he gets agitated when you say you want to find someone else: it's not because he loves you, but because he doesn't want you to take away his convenient source of attention and sex until he's met someone else.

[boltnrun]

Yep, as soon as he finds another steady source of sex it'll be Goodbye Igor! And then HE'LL be the one blocking YOU.

 

Having sex with him without commitment will NOT make him want to get back together. Why should he get back together when he's getting everything he wants from you without having to be in a relationship with you?

[PaintWithLight]

He just thinks it's really mean and immature for me to block him on all social media outlets and that it's immature for me to not keep an open mind in the future. He gets really upset when I say I need to let him go so I can find a fulfilling relationship. And he is like why do you need to be in a relationship? Yet he doesn't want one with me and wishes me well in my future endeavors and hopes I keep an open mind for him in the future which is why he gets so upset if I block him.

 

Are you still having sex with this guy? If you are then you are settling for breadcrumbs. He blames you for ending the relationship but wants to keep you on the back burner. You need to realize that most of what he says is 100% self-serving and you treat it like gospel. He will keep using you until you block him and cut him out of your life.

[Igor1]

Even though he still talks to me for hours about our relationship and his intentions for it? Like will talk on the phone for hours? How could he be using me when he so clearly said he loves me but isn't ready for commitment then will talk through serious ty awful issues with me?

[Igor1]

And I get he wants to have sex with other people. He has only ever been with me sexually.

[boltnrun]

Talk, talk talk.

 

What is he DOING? Asking to get back together? Asking to be in a relationship with you?

 

No, he says he doesn't want that and doesn't see why you would want that.

 

So, be honest...are you completely, 100% fine with the way things are with him RIGHT NOW? Or are you "hoping" he eventually wants to get back together, and are you keeping yourself available only to him hoping he says he wants to be in a relationship with you now?

 

And are you willing to sit on the sidelines while he has sex with other women? Are you totally OK with that?

[Jibralta]

is he manipulative because I have pushed him to be this way or is he just that way? I always was told x y and z was my fault so I'm like unclear of what is and isn't.

 

I 100% guarantee that it's just the way that he is.

 

Get it out of your head that everything is your fault. It's not.

[Vicky89]

Why are you ok with him using you this way.

 

He is talking to other women, he wants to have sex with other people and then if things don't work out and he doesn't find anyone he wants, you are there for him.

 

You don't need to sleep around to know when you have found the right person for you and to care for them, he is just wanting to be free and not commit, if things don't work out because he can't get as many women to sleep with him as he planned, then he wants to be able to go back to you

 

DO NOT be this guy's doormat like that, don't accept that.

 

When someone loves you they don't dump you to go whoring around and expect you to hang around until they've had their fun.

 

Wake up and block this guy's number.

[MissCanuck]

Even though he still talks to me for hours about our relationship and his intentions for it? Like will talk on the phone for hours? How could he be using me when he so clearly said he loves me but isn't ready for commitment then will talk through serious ty awful issues with me?

 

Because he hasn't found your replacement yet.

 

Mark my word, when he does, all of this talking will stop. You are being willfully naive at this point, I'm afraid, because the truth hurts you too much.

[NightLily]

Even though he still talks to me for hours about our relationship and his intentions for it? Like will talk on the phone for hours? How could he be using me when he so clearly said he loves me but isn't ready for commitment then will talk through serious ty awful issues with me?

 

Because men have emotional needs too. He is talking to you this much to fill a void and to not feel lonely. And the whole thing about him blaming you for everything... this is an extremely common tactic of emotional abusers. Which one of you is putting more effort into holding things together and working on the relationship? You, right? Does it really make *logical* sense to you that the person bending over backwards to accommodate the other and to fulfill their wishes/needs/cares a lot about potentially doing things wrong... do you think THAT person is the source of everything wrong in the relationship? The one trying to make it work? (answer is no)

 

Unfortunately, at this point you doubt yourself way too much. If you get distance from him, and maybe start getting therapy, you will see things much more clearly. I understand it is HARD to cut him off. But, do you want to go through pain now... or, do you want to go through even more pain later? The longer you wait the worse it will get. This guy isn't knocking down your door now to be with you. I wouldn't count on him ever doing that in the future.

 

If you stay holding onto hope for him now, or letting him manipulate you, you are knowingly hurting yourself at this point. I know you are holding onto hope, but in this situation, that hope is just making you hopeless.

 

Do that hard thing now. Cut him totally out of your life--no contact. Give yourself time to heal. It will hurt, you will hate doing it. After months of healing and working on yourself you are really still convinced he is the one for you, address that question then. My bet though? You might miss him from time to time but you will not want to go back.

[Jibralta]

Because men have emotional needs too.

 

That's right. He's getting all of the benefits of a committed relationship without committing.