Mixed signals after two years... She stalks me but says she is over me.

[lover4721]

My ex has stalked my tumblr page for quite a while now...

 

Ever since we broke up, she has been visiting it several times a week, sometimes only once a week, and then maybe 1-2 weeks OFF and then back on again.

 

After two months of breaking up, I saw she was visiting my site in the logs.

 

I sent her a greetings card congratulating her for graduating college.

She must have got the card today. My name was not on it.

She said she appreciated it, but has moved on.

WE talked -- she said it's been almost three years and she has changed, got a new hair style, etc.

She said she moved on... but still stalks me.

 

She's the type that wants a man to 'fight' for her - something I didn't do in the relationship.

We talked about what happened about us, we needed to communicate more, etc.

She said looking back, it would not have lasted much longer because she switched career goals, moving out to the Disney College Program, changed her hair, and is a new person.

She said she learned from our relationship and others and believes it is in the past.

I never asked for her back... I simply said "Yes, sometimes I think about you."

 

If I don't reply, she will reply back with something else.

 

She said she feels uncomfortable that I'm still hung over on this.

I am not hung over on this -- I am just regretful that my job made me so miserable that I kind of withdrew from the relationship and that I could have done better.

I took the blame, and she agreed that 'WE' needed to fix those things, but again 'it's in the past'.

 

Her Father cheated on her Mother... She is not that mentally stable... She wants someone to 'obsess' over her, just to know that they care.

 

I'm not sure what to do -- should I continue to talk to her, maybe tell her that if she ever wants to get together and do something in the future let me know, or just let her alone at the last message that said "I'm glad you moved on. I have too."

 

It's like, I want to get back together to prove her wrong and really put my best foot forward because we truly loved each other...

 

But she has been in tough relationships and has said "You're right about assuming I wasn't ready for a relationship. I don't think I'll ever be ready, I don't think I'll ever have a serious relationship to be honest."

Her Mom is single, too.

 

Not really sure how to approach this -- she stalks me, says she has moved on, but then also wants someone to 'fight' for her.

 

I do still have feelings for her...

And after two years she still stalks me - what does that even mean?

 

One thing she didn't like was that sometimes I didn't say goodnight to her - so instead of ignoring her, maybe a goodnight will help and heal us so that we are both neutral even if we don't talk again?

This was the first time talking since December '15.

[lover4721]

I guess I should have went completely cold, removed my blog and everything like I've been wanting to do for over a year and then see if she misses me when she can't track me down.

[lover4721]

Eh, I say forget it.

It's a dead-end.

 

These questions won't help -- she is very complex and I'm the only one who knows her best because I was her first relationship and longest.

 

I'll move on.

 

She said we can take a break until after college, but she is attending something in August so she won't be in the area - so she said in the long-run, it would have ended anyway.

 

She went with a very short hairstyle and doesn't see herself with a serious relationship for her entire life; just like her Mom.

 

So it's a dead-end, unfortunately.

Sucks because the chemistry was great, but my job made me miserable and I withdrew from our relationship.

Now I know.

 

I should seriously take the advice i've been given for years -- ONLY date women who have their **** together.

I always date women who I can 'fix' and it ends terribly.

 

So end of post -

 

She stalks me, I don't care. She has been visiting my boring tumblr for the last 2 years since we've broken up. Nothing interesting. She doesn't have tumblr.

I'm deleting it and removing myself from her life.

Maybe in 5 years we will run into each other like my Sister's friend and ex did after being 9 years apart no contact.

This is what my ex always wanted -- and weirdly enough -- this is how her grandfather is right now. He dated someone in high school, they broke up, and now at age 70-80 they are back together.

It happens; sometimes it doesn't.

 

This girl and I had great chemistry and I admit, I can't get over it.

We explored a lot of new areas, parks, surprise dates, etc.

I didn't like a few things about her, etc.

 

It's whatever.

[Clio]

has said "You're right about assuming I wasn't ready for a relationship. I don't think I'll ever be ready, I don't think I'll ever have a serious relationship

 

She is emotionally unavailable. Her stalking means nothing substantial. It doesn't change her emotional unavailability nor the end result.

 

advice i've been given for years -- ONLY date women who have their **** together.

I always date women who I can 'fix' and it ends terribly.

 

You need to stop blaming yourself. It always takes two. It sounds like this girl does not have what it takes to stay on and work on a relationship. Due to your respective problems you two are incompatible. Even if you were to fix your end, her end would still remain and it doesn't sound like she is willing to even try. You DO need to remove your blog; monitoring her stalking is keeping you stuck. The stalking in itself does not mean that she wants to get back together, it's just a way to self-soothe/ distract herself from whatever void she faces in her current life. For all you know, she may be stalking all her exes. The truth is in her continued resolve/ choice to remain broken up. You need to let this one go. Delete your blog and block all channels of new information/communication. Focus on identifying/addressing/ fixing your own emotional unavailability i.e. whatever inside you makes you choose girls that need "fixing" i.e. emotionally unavailable girls. It's usually something to do with one's own upbringing and if you are up to it, a professional therapist might help you identify the causes. P.S. Dating women who you can 'fix' is a way to avoid dealing with whatever needs "fixing" within you. Because it's always easier trying to "fix" others rather than ourselves. Yet, the solution at the end of the day lies within focusing on and "fixing" ourselves/ our own issues.

[DavidH2017]

Never fall for the "you didn't fight for me" line. In my experience that's just a way for a woman to blame you and hide any guilt she's feeling. The truth is, if you did try and fight for her she'd have pushed you away. I had an ex who said that to me, and I just told her that I took her at her word when she said it was over, and respected that. She came back of her own accord after a couple of months.

 

It sounds like she has issues, and her issues are triggering yours. That just leads to an unhealthy situation and prevents you from moving on. She knows how you feel, so best to leave her be. If she's interested she'll let you know.

 

It's really easy to try and speculate about what a person wants, especially when you want them, but it's impossible to read minds. What I do know though is chasing and trying to persuade someone rarely, if ever, works. Pretty much all my exes came back at some point, no matter how badly things ended, but in each case it was after leaving them alone and allowing them to decide for themselves.