Will moving help me heal?

[missing003]

I have been debating on moving out of my current city for about the last 5 years.

I stayed once I got into a serious relationship with my ex girlfriend. Now that we are broken up I feel like I have no reason to be living in this city.

My job is actually 45 min away as it is. Everything here just reminds me of her.

I was thinking if moving away would help the healing process or am I just running away from my problems?

Thank you for any advice or experiences you could share on this topic

[mustlovedogs]

Nope. My relationship was long distance and I don't think that made it any easier. Move for YOU, but not to escape memories.

[JA0371]

Have you been on a long vacation recently? Maybe just taking a sabbatical for a bit will get it out of your system. I do think traveling is like feng shui for the soul. It definetely gets your mindset away from the memories. If a two week trip doesn't help....then maybe consider moving.

[Careerchoice]

It certainly may help, if you find the memories are too much for you. It would give you a fresh start.

[eidetic]

I agree with JA, try a short term getaway first. Moving will involve a lot of planning and packing and unpacking and discovery -- but it's also a major adjustment. Check out "relocation grief" before you make a decision to move. Change of residence is on the stress index, so are changes in employment, and for that matter, even, so is vacation. So maybe it depends which stress factors you are most comfortable with.

 

As much as I understand how moving would seem like a clean break and a fresh start, what if it is just most reasonable for you to stay put and sit with the grief? Making major changes at this point, when you are feeling hurt and maybe not 100% physically or emotionally, may exacerbate your discomfort instead of relieving it. Maybe use this impulse to uncover what you really want to do and where you want to be. And take the next few months or so to feel that all the way out, make plans, and let it gel.

 

Remember that you are grieving a loss. In some cases, the best we can do for ourselves in grieving is to *not* make big changes, at least not right away. Give yourself the time and stability of place needed to work through your process. It would be easier if we could put the hurt all in a box and deal with it later, but that's not how it tends to work. It would follow you to your new city and unpack itself at likely the worst time.

 

Short answer: Stay put and just keep feeling your way through the pain and anger, disappointment and everything else. Keep steady where you are, but examine your hopes and dreams and make plans for your most opportune time still ahead.

[missing003]

I agree with JA, try a short term getaway first. Moving will involve a lot of planning and packing and unpacking and discovery -- but it's also a major adjustment. Check out "relocation grief" before you make a decision to move. Change of residence is on the stress index, so are changes in employment, and for that matter, even, so is vacation. So maybe it depends which stress factors you are most comfortable with.

 

As much as I understand how moving would seem like a clean break and a fresh start, what if it is just most reasonable for you to stay put and sit with the grief? Making major changes at this point, when you are feeling hurt and maybe not 100% physically or emotionally, may exacerbate your discomfort instead of relieving it. Maybe use this impulse to uncover what you really want to do and where you want to be. And take the next few months or so to feel that all the way out, make plans, and let it gel.

 

Remember that you are grieving a loss. In some cases, the best we can do for ourselves in grieving is to *not* make big changes, at least not right away. Give yourself the time and stability of place needed to work through your process. It would be easier if we could put the hurt all in a box and deal with it later, but that's not how it tends to work. It would follow you to your new city and unpack itself at likely the worst time.

 

Short answer: Stay put and just keep feeling your way through the pain and anger, disappointment and everything else. Keep steady where you are, but examine your hopes and dreams and make plans for your most opportune time still ahead.

 

Thank you for this. This is exactly what I was looking for. I don't want to run from the pain, I want to get through this and come out stronger. It's so tough right now, the up and down emotions are rough day in and day out.

[boltnrun]

I moved to get away and it was the best thing I did. My life is 100% better.

[EternalOptimis]

I do think traveling is like feng shui for the soul.

Very, very true.

A good friend of mine went to Nepal (K2 base camp) for a month. The experienced so enriched her life she now sees her breakup as a positive as she knows she wouldn't have gone otherwise..

[abitbroken]

Moving will only temporarily solve the problem. If you move - the fact that you don't know anyone and the place is unfamiliar will eventually make you feel lonely and you will think of her again.

 

I suggest you work on going to new places - new restaurants where you didn't always go with her, join meetup groups, etc. Its okay to move a little closer to work, but moving won't solve the problem. People who have hobbies outside of their SO, friends, etc, recover from a breakup faster.

 

If you just broke up - give yourself a good 6-8 months from the last time you communicated with eachother to even think of a major change. You may feel differently then.

[boltnrun]

I moved and it was the best possible thing I could have done.

 

I didn't get lonely and I didn't miss him or think of him. In fact, it helped tremendously because before I moved I was doing stupid things like driving by his house in the early morning or after work, going by his sister's house to interrogate her about him and his girlfriend, hanging out with his friends (telling myself it was OK because they were MY friends too!!! Even though I met them through him), etc. Moving away meant I couldn't do those self-destructive things that held up moving on anymore.

 

I made new friends and have been doing so many things that I didn't do in my previous city because I was so focused on keeping track of my ex.

 

Anyway, I have never regretted moving. And I sure don't want my ex anymore! I truly believe if I hadn't moved, today I would be his occasional side piece because I was refusing to remove him from my life. Now he's gone. Permanently.