Alanab Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 My depressed boyfriend has asked for some space in our relationship because of the children. I have a 5 year old son and he has twin 7 year old sons. We tried to do everything I the right way. We met, dated privately I then after about a year introduced our boys. They got along beautifully and after a year of meetings, days out, movie nights etc my son and I moved in. It started off great but now when they are all together there is nothing but arguments and sometimes bullying. My son loves the twins to bits but they can t stand him and don t want to play with him. So after many attempts of using reward charts, disciplining, consequences etc nothing really changed. The worse it got, the more my partner detached from the situation. It was clear he was shutting down (his relationship with their mother was turbulent). She had mental health issues and attempted suicide. He desperately tried to help her but eventually it broke down. But I do the think he ever really dealt with what happened. His sons seems jealous because my son lived with their dad (they stayed with us every other a weekend and 1-2 nights in the week) and they saw him as someone that they needed to compete with. I tried showing a united front but the guilt ate at my boyfriend and he struggled bonding with my son because of it. He felt like he was betraying his sons even talking to my son. I think this resides with him feeling he's already let them down with their mum. So my boyfriend completely shut down, he said he needed space and to focus on his boys. I understood and left. He has since started counselling along with one his sons to get to the root of their issues (one son has a very angry nature). Since leaving he tells me his boys behaviour has improved and twins have said they don t want us back which has obviously upset us both. We want to be together but he doesn t want his boys to be unhappy. I tried explaining we just need to show them a solid family unit and they will come round but he s scared it will go back to how it was. His counselling is more intense than he anticipated and right now he's not sure how long it's going to take to get him and his boys sorted. He's so lost and low and doesn't want to hurt me. We love each other deeply and he tells me if there's anyway we could do it together he would but right now he's got some stuff to deal with. He's told me to move on to something better because he hates that he's hurting me. I don't know whether to wait and see how the counselling goes or whether to move on and accept the situation and if I do wait then how long do I give it before I accept its over. We have been separated for a month and he's had one counselling session so far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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