Bad timing or was I used?

[ladybug99]

To start, I am in my 30s. A friend from high school, "Joe", came back into my life recently. He had asked for my help with something pertaining to my job, and I provided assistance. Joe wanted to take me to dinner as a thank you. Dinner went great. The following weekend, he suggested hanging out at my place and catching up since over dinner we didn't get to cover the 10 years it has been since we have last seen one other.

 

After a few drinks, he confessed to me that he is the one who suggested to my ex "Steve" (one of his good friends) that he should ask me out. (I eventually wound up with a restraining order against Steve.) Joe said that prior to me filing the restraining order, he confronted Steve and told him I deserved to be treated better. They wound up in a fist fight and subsequently did not speak for 10 years. I had no idea as this was around the time I graduated from high school and was off to college away from both of them. Steve and Joe are now friends again, and Steve and I actually made amends a few years back (but we have not kept in touch since).

 

A few more drinks, and one thing leads to another... In the heat of the moment, Joe proclaims that he has wanted this since high school. The night was wonderful. I truly felt comfortable with him because we have always been friends. However, afterwards he tells me that he can't be in a relationship at this point in his life. He had told me previously that his job was making him move out of state for the next 2-3 years, but he will eventually get to come home. I tried to play it cool and just see what was going to happen. To my surprise, Joe started texting me everyday, getting jealous (even when I said something about a married man who is truly just a friend), paying for everything, and making lots of comments that made me think he wanted more. For instance, we were lying in bed one night when he told me that he thought by this point in our lives I would be married with kids. I told him that was my plan, but my life didn't work out that way. He says, "well, that is lucky for me then". But then, he would flip script and make comments like "we need to cool it".

 

Finally, I got tired of trying to guess what he wanted. So, I called him on it. I told him that I liked him (and had liked him in high school prior to me dating Steve), and I wanted to see where things could go. I told him I was willing to give him space to figure things out, but I was not going to wait forever. He again tells me he just can't be in a relationship at this point in his life. He said he was sorry that things got out of hand and emotions got involved (he admitted emotions were involved on his end, too). So I told him, I did not want to be friends with benefits. He stated that I deserved better than that, and we agreed to be friends. He even text me a few times after that just asking how my day was. Now, he has completely disappeared. Tomorrow makes 3 weeks since I've heard from him. (I have not tried to contact him since a couple of days after that. He didn't answer.) If this were just some random stranger, I would accept that I was used and move on. I am having a hard time believing that coming from him as he was my friend and someone I've always respected and trusted. Not to mention, he has always had my back (even when I didn't know it). So I am searching for an outsiders opinion. Is this truly bad timing or did he just use me and leave?

[Chevroledy]

The timing makes me think he wanted to get his chance with you before he left. He tells you all these nice things, then decides cannot be in a relationship. He wants you, but something is making him say no. Cut him even in the friend area, maybe not forever, but you do deserve for him to be a better person.