How to cope with being alone/lonely

[Miastar]

I feel spending time by myself is a positive thing and I'd like to relearn how to enjoy my own company. However I am majorly struggling.

 

I live alone, and work in an office with one other person and we often end up working alone due to shift times. Everythjng I do, I do alone - walking to and from work, going to the gym, going to the cinema, going shopping in town, going food shopping.

 

I'm afraid to go out in my town - it's a small town and I always seem to bump into people who remind me of my ex (mutual friends/girls he was overly friendly with)

 

I have my mum and a couple of friends close by, but I'm aware I'm being a bit of a drain on them. I'm avoiding a friend as he's close with my ex and it simply feels too painful to see him incase he mentions something in passing about my ex and I don't feel strong enough.

 

I see a counsellor every week so will bring this to her.

 

I feel scared and isolated and I simply don't know what to do or how to reach out.

 

Can anyone relate to these feelings after a break up? I miss company so much and I feel like a shell of what I was.

[LaHermes]

Mia: These are absolutely normal feeling to have after a break up. And it is a struggle. It is most important that you speak, at length, with your therapist about your struggles.

 

You seem to be doing well, you go to work, you go to the gym, shopping, and even if it is alone, the fact is that you are doing it. Things will become easier as time goes by. Healing is a slow process. Can be a bit like climbing a cliff face. The only way is up, and don't look down behind you.

[Miastar]

Mia: These are absolutely normal feeling to have after a break up. And it is a struggle. It is most important that you speak, at length, with your therapist about your struggles.

 

You seem to be doing well, you go to work, you go to the gym, shopping, and even if it is alone, the fact is that you are doing it. Things will become easier as time goes by. Healing is a slow process. Can be a bit like climbing a cliff face. The only way is up, and don't look down behind you.

 

I just miss having someone in the other room, knowing there's someone there. I'll be visiting my dad next month so that'll be nice. Sad as it'll be my first time visiting there without my ex but it has to be done and new memories created.

 

I will definitely speak to the counsellor tomorrow.

 

A lot of what I deal with is remorse - the relationship had trust issues and I let myself take these out on him. I feel vile for the pain I caused him and for when I wasn't very nice to him. I must have made him feel so ty. He did the same when he was on dating sites but he did try to make it up to me and we both suffered.

 

So I'm dealing with the loneliness and regret/guilt too. Plus the fact that I miss him as a person so so painfully much.

[Miastar]

Made him feel so upset*

[kbbcoop77]

After my wife left after 24 years being alone was a killer. I didn't know how to do it and I was very uncomfortable. But now after three years I love my alone time. You have to get happy with yourself. It's a lot stressful, I can do what I want when I want, spend my money how I want, watch what I want etc etc...it's takes getting used to it but quite frankly I'd be reluctant to jump into another relationship just because it would encroach on my "me" time. One day at a time, you'll get there

[Miastar]

After my wife left after 24 years being alone was a killer. I didn't know how to do it and I was very uncomfortable. But now after three years I love my alone time. You have to get happy with yourself. It's a lot stressful, I can do what I want when I want, spend my money how I want, watch what I want etc etc...it's takes getting used to it but quite frankly I'd be reluctant to jump into another relationship just because it would encroach on my "me" time. One day at a time, you'll get there

 

It's really good to hear you are doing well

 

I was happy with my alone time before I met my ex. I think I was only just getting used to it then we became enmeshed so quickly and I always felt sad that I would never get to live alone. Well I guess that opportunity has been given to me now, I just need to utilise it.

 

Thing is my ex and I were very similar - I don't think we nurtured the alone time we both needed. Plus we enjoyed mostly all the same things so it makes me sad to watch tv shows and not chat to him about it. Same as spending money - we generally had the same idea about it all. It seems such a waste to not have that person next to me.

 

But yes, one day at a time absolutely. I guess I'm suffering a knock back right now. A bad one. I'm considering g going to the doctors too and discussing anti depressants as I simply can't stop crying or get my head out of this headspace

[kbbcoop77]

Awww...i hear you..

I went on an anti depressant and a mild dose of Xanax for awhile after my wife left. A few months after she left my mom passed away unexpectedly, we were close as she lived a few miles away, my daughter stayed with me it was a devastating time. But I'm off all the meds now. It still stings sometimes IF I dwell on it so I try not to. Alcohol can be terrible if you're down, I quit cold turkey for about 9 months or so because I knew that I would spiral. But now I enjoy a few beers or drinks now and again..it honestly take time..and of course No Contact. I spent way too long in contact after she left as I was sure she would "come to her senses" but it never happened lol. So she's off with her affair partner doing whatever and I'm doing my own thing so it all works out eventually..hang in there! It's good you enjoyed your own company before, focus on that. You'll get it back ..!

[Andrina]

I know how you feel. I love my alone time, but after my first marriage ended, I had too much of it. I have a handful of friends, but we all had different schedules and different days off, so I couldn't rely on them for weekly get togethers. I occupied my time by attending "east coast swing" dances once a week. There would be an hour group lesson, and then the dance. It was not a pick up joint. It's a place where people love to dance and an atmosphere that it's boring to dance with the same partner all night, so you got to dance a lot. I also took tango lessons when I found out about one in the area.

 

I also attended a few meetups from meetups.com. I don't know if that's available in your area, where I met up with people for a blueberry festival and an outside potluck event. I also joined a writers group and still keep up with that hobby.

 

You might want to think of a hobby that you could be passionate about, and join others who share that hobby if get togethers are available. I wouldn't avoid the mutual friend, but do tell him that you don't want to hear news of the ex because you need closure, which I'm sure he'll understand.

 

Let yourself mourn, because it's an important step to get to the healing process. You are seeking help, which is good, so that the mourning part doesn't go on for longer than it should. Volunteer work is also a good way to think of others, since you usually get just as much out of the experience as the receiver. Good luck and take care.