JA0371 Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 I broke up with my long distance bf after 13 months. I guess I will get over it.... It sucks. I ended it this morning, but I know it was the right thing to do because he won't commit to me or him moving. So, I guess I'll be here a while. NC starting today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 Ouch and big internet hugs to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 Sorry Hun. I get the LD struggle It's a shame when you care about someone and you can't find a compromise. We are here for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordRorek Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 I broke up with my long distance bf after 13 months. I guess I will get over it.... It sucks. I ended it this morning, but I know it was the right thing to do because he won't commit to me or him moving. So, I guess I'll be here a while. NC starting today. We are here for you. I pray for your healing health and happiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JA0371 Posted June 13, 2017 Author Share Posted June 13, 2017 Trying to do NC..and he sends me a email asking what the vet said aout my dog. I had to take her in today for some testing...(turns out she has Colitis) but ai didn't respond. This was at 12:30. Just got a text 'please let me know what the vet said about Maggie..please'. Really?? He knows I love my dog, but he's never seen her in person. Like what difference does it make?? I haven't responded...should I? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 Trying to do NC..and he sends me a email asking what the vet said aout my dog. I had to take her in today for some testing...(turns out she has Colitis) but ai didn't respond. This was at 12:30. Just got a text 'please let me know what the vet said about Maggie..please'. Really?? He knows I love my dog, but he's never seen her in person. Like what difference does it make?? I haven't responded...should I? Tell him she's fine and that for both of your sakes it's probably best that you no longer communicate. NC is hard enough. It's especially difficult if you haven't set a boundary for the person who continues to contact you anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 Have to agree with reinvent here. If you want him to stop, you will need to tell him and be nice but firm about it. I mean it sucks for you when you are trying to move on and here he is acting like your dog was the love of his life. Yuck really. So yeah, tell him she is fine, but you really need to heal and move on and him contacting you is not working for you. I guess I'd just tell him that the only way I want to hear from him is if he has changed his mind and actually wants to move the relationship forward and wants to discuss that. Outside of that, he'll always be in my heart but it's time to move on and that means no more chit chat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WombatShadow Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 Trying to do NC..and he sends me a email asking what the vet said aout my dog. I had to take her in today for some testing...(turns out she has Colitis) but ai didn't respond. This was at 12:30. Just got a text 'please let me know what the vet said about Maggie..please'. Really?? He knows I love my dog, but he's never seen her in person. Like what difference does it make?? I haven't responded...should I? He obviously still cares about you, not that it makes a difference if he can't/won't commit. Normally I'm not a proponent of NC, but this case seems like one where it's a necessity because you're simply incompatible unless he makes some serious changes. Tell him that unless he proposes a reasonable plan for you to move to him or him to move to you and commits to you fully that it is best for him not to contact you and that you will not be responding to any messages unless it is regarding the above (or something like a serious emergency that you can help with, if that's somehow applicable). Explain that this isn't because you're being cold-hearted or trying to hurt him, but because you both need space so that you can heal and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JA0371 Posted June 13, 2017 Author Share Posted June 13, 2017 My answer : she's fine. Just Colitis His response: thank you. I was concerned... Me : crickets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JA0371 Posted June 14, 2017 Author Share Posted June 14, 2017 So today will be day 2 of NC. Trying to make it 30 days. That seems to be the magic number in getting through the hard part. After 13 months of talking, texting Facetiming, emailing each other various times a day....needless to say it will not be easy. I am having surgery next week, and it will be rough not hearing from him. I guess it's just something I have to deal with. Normally I would use exercise as a form of therapy but I will have to wait at least a few weeks after surgery to even start. Today Im off of work, so I will need to stay busy.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 My heart goes out to you, JA. After 13 months of talking, texting Facetiming, emailing each other various times a day....needless to say it will not be easy. The experience taught you that anyone can be a 'pen friend,' and you want and deserve more than this. Write here whenever the urge hits, and recognize that everyone is in our lives for "...a reason, a season, or forever..." and we can't always know who will be which. The hardest part is giving up the fantasy 'about' someone else, which is self created. Sure, you got a bit of help in that from him, but recognize that anyone can text you--you deserve someone who will be IN your life. I am having surgery next week, and it will be rough not hearing from him. I guess it's just something I have to deal with. Normally I would use exercise as a form of therapy but I will have to wait at least a few weeks after surgery to even start. Think of this as a new lease on life and allow the mystery to unfold. Your timing in the breakup is important--you've decided that using a pen friend to occupy you through your healing is not ideal. You'll have more important revelations because you won't be stagnating in projections and fantasy--you'll be 'creating' a new future. Head high, you can do this. (((Big HUG))) Cat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JA0371 Posted June 14, 2017 Author Share Posted June 14, 2017 My heart goes out to you, JA. The experience taught you that anyone can be a 'pen friend,' and you want and deserve more than this. Write here whenever the urge hits, and recognize that everyone is in our lives for "...a reason, a season, or forever..." and we can't always know who will be which. The hardest part is giving up the fantasy 'about' someone else, which is self created. Sure, you got a bit of help in that from him, but recognize that anyone can text you--you deserve someone who will be IN your life. Think of this as a new lease on life and allow the mystery to unfold. Your timing in the breakup is important--you've decided that using a pen friend to occupy you through your healing is not ideal. You'll have more important revelations because you won't be stagnating in projections and fantasy--you'll be 'creating' a new future. Head high, you can do this. (((Big HUG))) Cat Thank you Cat....always nice hearing from you. I appreciate it very much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EtrnalOptimist Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 So today will be day 2 of NC. Trying to make it 30 days. That seems to be the magic number in getting through the hard part. After 13 months of talking, texting Facetiming, emailing each other various times a day....needless to say it will not be easy. I am having surgery next week, and it will be rough not hearing from him. I guess it's just something I have to deal with. Normally I would use exercise as a form of therapy but I will have to wait at least a few weeks after surgery to even start. Today Im off of work, so I will need to stay busy.... Out of interest, did it start out as LD or turn into one? Sadly, 30 days is just a number. Not least as it depends on the duration and intensity of the former relationship I'm on day 42 (35 since my email) and even when I'm with other people she still comes into my head Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JA0371 Posted June 14, 2017 Author Share Posted June 14, 2017 It started out as LD. We met through FB...he's in NY Im in Florida. He comes here a lot during the winter to golf, so it was kind of nice seeing him more often. We both drive two hours to see each other. I also flew to NY three times to visit him. I know he cares about me...but he's having a hard time committing to one of us moving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 It started out as LD. We met through FB...he's in NY Im in Florida. He comes here a lot during the winter to golf, so it was kind of nice seeing him more often. We both drive two hours to see each other. I also flew to NY three times to visit him. I know he cares about me...but he's having a hard time committing to one of us moving. Well....a year may seem like a long time, but if you two haven't been able to spend consistent face to face time, then perhaps it's premature to be moving in together? I mean it's not a light decision in terms of either one of you uprooting your lives completely. Also, does he feel like it's akin to a marital commitment and so doesn't feel like he is there yet for that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JA0371 Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 My ex texted me yesterday: I love you J. I don't want to lose you. I didn't respond yet....been working ...so not sure how to .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JA0371 Posted June 18, 2017 Author Share Posted June 18, 2017 By the way...Im going out tonight. Haven't been just sitting around moping....which in the past I would have. Been too busy . Hope everyone has a great Fathers Day !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Viewcart Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 My ex texted me yesterday: I love you J. I don't want to lose you. I didn't respond yet....been working ...so not sure how to .. Don't respond to anything unless it's straight up something related to "I want to be with you, let's try this relationship again"!!!!! Otherwise he's just seeking validation while bread crumbing you so that he can make sure you don't move on as quickly. Bluntly put, if he didn't want to lose you, you wouldn't be here making this thread so just let him go. I'm also going through a LD breakup, I know how hard it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 My ex texted me yesterday: I love you J. I don't want to lose you. I didn't respond yet....been working ...so not sure how to .. What did he say regarding one or the other of you moving closer? Or, oops...did he not even bring that up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vicky89 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 My ex texted me yesterday: I love you J. I don't want to lose you. I didn't respond yet....been working ...so not sure how to .. Ok, well, he is saying he cares about you and doesn't want to lose you. I would respond back with " Ok, well, what does that mean ? Are you saying you want to give things another shot ? Commit ? Move closer to me or me move closer to you ? Because otherwise, if not, we are just like we were before and that's not working for me, I need stability, closeness, something tangible. " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vicky89 Posted June 18, 2017 Share Posted June 18, 2017 Don't respond to anything unless it's straight up something related to "I want to be with you, let's try this relationship again"!!!!! Otherwise he's just seeking validation while bread crumbing you so that he can make sure you don't move on as quickly. Bluntly put, if he didn't want to lose you, you wouldn't be here making this thread so just let him go. I'm also going through a LD breakup, I know how hard it is. I don't know about that, I did long distance with a guy for years, in the end he didn't want to move to be with me and didn't want to commit either, so I had to end things, he never bothered to reach out to me after that, and THAT is how you know someone doesn't give 2 craps about you. This guy is telling her how he feels for her and that he misses her, is WANTING contact, and all she has to do is get to the bottom of his intentions and see if this means he is wanting to commit to her or move closer to her now. If he gives her the "not yet" "not ready" thing, then at that point, she should just tell him to stop contacting her then and good luck to him, but she will not be sticking around waiting endlessly for him to be ready to decide if she's the one he wants to be with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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