She's attractive, but boring

[Hollyj]

".and ghosting her is a terrible thing to do-if it's only been a small number of dates, but more than the initial meet a quick text is sufficient I think, but full out disappearing/ignoring her if she reaches out to you is the lowest of low."

Totally agree! Very cowardly!

 

Doesn't really surprise me though, considering the rest of his thread.

[s0fly]

Is this the same girl as your last thread?

 

Short answer to your question OP is you can't. She's a homebody and you're not. That doesn't make her "boring as hell" that makes you two incompatible.

 

...and ghosting her is a terrible thing to do-if it's only been a small number of dates, but more than the initial meet a quick text is sufficient I think, but full out disappearing/ignoring her if she reaches out to you is the lowest of low.

 

Agreed. If she texts you, don't ignore just simply be honest and tell her you're no longer interested in dating.

 

Ghosting is for cowards.

[RonChalant]

Unfortunately I never attract the "booty call" type and I'm pretty convinced they don't exist Lmao. The only type of women I find are the ones that need to be "dated" before they will get in bed which again is why in the beginning I told her I wasn't looking for anything serious. Unfortunately for me, getting booty calls means going on actual dates until they are comfortable progressing...which actually I shouldn't say "unfortunately" because I actually enjoy it...just frustrating at time.

 

Yes this is the same girl from the last post, so that shows even more that I can't just jump straight to the booty call phase lol. Speaking of which I'm really going to need people to make up thier minds...in my last post I was SHUNNED for attempting to have sex with her "so soon" yet now people are saying that I'm "wrong" for dating her if I have no intention of something more and that I should try to make her a booty call. LMAO the hypocrisy is maddening

[reinventmyself]

Attraction has several layers and physical appearance is probably what catches our attention first. It's the first thing we have any access to.

Then you go about discovering the layers beneath.

 

I don't fault you for being physically attracted to someone and ultimately finding out that you don't have much in common.

It think that's smart.

 

I also don't fault you in thinking it's a shame that it isn't different.

After all, it's her looks that attracted you in the first place.

 

I don't think it makes you much different than most. Even if they don't want to admit it.

[RonChalant]

".and ghosting her is a terrible thing to do-if it's only been a small number of dates, but more than the initial meet a quick text is sufficient I think, but full out disappearing/ignoring her if she reaches out to you is the lowest of low."

Totally agree! Very cowardly!

 

Doesn't really surprise me though, considering the rest of his thread.

 

You are my favorite person here...thabk you for your wise words Ms. J, moving forward, mean as it may be don't females do this all the time when they lose interest...isnt that kind of a double standard? Do I hate when that happens to me, yes I do but I understand it's a part of the "dating world" and for once, yeah it'd be nice to be on the other end of it. Cowardly is not the word I would choose...inconsiderate yes...but cowardly is going to far "to me". The way I see it, I've lost interest and to keep things moving I just have nothing more to say unless you specifically ask why I stopped talking. Lol ESPECIALLY coming from someone who told me to "lose her number"... Isn't that in effect ghosting, yet now I'm suddenly a coward for somewhat looking to take your advice...you gotta make up your mind Ms. J

[Hollyj]

Unfortunately I never attract the "booty call" type and I'm pretty convinced they don't exist Lmao. The only type of women I find are the ones that need to be "dated" before they will get in bed which again is why in the beginning I told her I wasn't looking for anything serious. Unfortunately for me, getting booty calls means going on actual dates until they are comfortable progressing...which actually I shouldn't say "unfortunately" because I actually enjoy it...just frustrating at time.

 

Yes this is the same girl from the last post, so that shows even more that I can't just jump straight to the booty call phase lol. Speaking of which I'm really going to need people to make up thier minds...in my last post I was SHUNNED for attempting to have sex with her "so soon" yet now people are saying that I'm "wrong" for dating her if I have no intention of something more and that I should try to make her a booty call. LMAO the hypocrisy is maddening

 

NO!

 

I believe we advised that you end things, but not be a coward by ghosting her. You are very selective in your comprehension. I am assuming you are in your late teens?

[Hollyj]

You are my favorite person here...thabk you for your wise words Ms. J, moving forward, mean as it may be don't females do this all the time when they lose interest...isnt that kind of a double standard? Do I hate when that happens to me, yes I do but I understand it's a part of the "dating world" and for once, yeah it'd be nice to be on the other end of it. Cowardly is not the word I would choose...inconsiderate yes...but cowardly is going to far "to me". The way I see it, I've lost interest and to keep things moving I just have nothing more to say unless you specifically ask why I stopped talking. Lol ESPECIALLY coming from someone who told me to "lose her number"... Isn't that in effect ghosting, yet now I'm suddenly a coward for somewhat looking to take your advice...you gotta make up your mind Ms. J

 

I think it is terrible when anyone does it. No matter the gender.

 

And, it is cowardly. How difficult is it to tell someone that it is not working and with them the best?

[RonChalant]

I think it is terrible when anyone does it. No matter the gender.

 

And, it is cowardly. How difficult is it to tell someone that it is not working and with them the best?

 

Love, you exact words were:

 

"You are way too shallow for her. I feel sorry for her, to be dating someone like you. Do her a favor and lose her number."

 

So again, is "loosing her number" not the equivalent of ghosting. Selective hearing (reading) is not a very big trait of mine, but I am overly literal. Also, we've been "talking" for 3 weeks...seems a bit much to send her a text after that amount of time saying "hey, things aren't working out so I'm going to keep it moving" ....or some other variation of that.

 

As far as age, 29...though that really doesn't mean much as I'm sure you will agree. Without giving my entire life story, I've ALWAYS been in a relationship, since I was 16. 2 major relationships since then so never really "dated" therefore yes...I am learning as I go and will make plenty of mistakes but what can I say

[Hollyj]

I stand corrected. Just tell her that it is not working.

 

Why is it so difficult to show someone simple courtesy? Our society has become so self serving. Very sad.

[Hollyj]

I have told men that I have dated a few times that it is not working out. Anything is better than someone ghosting and ignoring you.

[LaHermes]

So, Ron, it really is a case of the search is on for the attractive woman who ALSO likes those hobbies you mention. However, just because this woman doesn't like your hobbies doesn't make her boring. I mean you might just as easily might not be interested in someone else's hobbies and they might say "he's boring".

 

IMO just tell her politely that maybe you don't have much in common. Looks aren't everything. L.

[shessofly]

How often do you communicate outside of dates?

[RonChalant]

How often do you communicate outside of dates?

 

Daily but not all day long. We both do an equal amount of initiating conversation. Send a couple text, an hour or so may pass, start back up for a little, it's well paced in my mind.

[akrngrl]

OP, I know you mentioned not wanting anything serious, but what does that actually mean to you? Theres NSA hookups, casual dating, fwb, etc.

 

The booty call that some have been suggesting likely isn't with this woman. It's with a woman who is totally upfront and down with just having a sexual relationship.

 

There are plenty of women out there who are in a place in life where they only want something casual (not speaking every day, or going on multiple dates a week, etc) or just want to have sex and nothing else-it's just a matter of finding them and taking the necessary precautions to be safe.

 

For some reason, I'm getting the vibe that this woman may not be totally on board with what you expressed you wanted or may be holding out hope that you'll change your mind since you're seeing each other, what seems like semi-frequently.

 

This coupled with the fact that you two clearly have incompatible lifestyles (adventurer vs. homebody) leads me to echo the polite text ending it and starting your search for a woman who is more tailored to what you need right now.

[RonChalant]

OP, I know you mentioned not wanting anything serious, but what does that actually mean to you? Theres NSA hookups, casual dating, fwb, etc.

 

The booty call that some have been suggesting likely isn't with this woman. It's with a woman who is totally upfront and down with just having a sexual relationship.

 

There are plenty of women out there who are in a place in life where they only want something casual (not speaking every day, or going on multiple dates a week, etc) or just want to have sex and nothing else-it's just a matter of finding them and taking the necessary precautions to be safe.

 

For some reason, I'm getting the vibe that this woman may not be totally on board with what you expressed you wanted or may be holding out hope that you'll change your mind since you're seeing each other, what seems like semi-frequently.

 

This coupled with the fact that you two clearly have incompatible lifestyles (adventurer vs. homebody) leads me to echo the polite text ending it and starting your search for a woman who is more tailored to what you need right now.

 

So what, do I rendomly send her a text out of nowhere saying "Hey, I think we might be looking for different things right now, but it was nice knowing you in the mean time", or something like that? If I got a random, "unprovoked" text like that I'd think the person was a bit strange, is this the norm?

[mustlovedogs]

So what, do I rendomly send her a text out of nowhere saying "Hey, I think we might be looking for different things right now, but it was nice knowing you in the mean time", or something like that? If I got a random, "unprovoked" text like that I'd think the person was a bit strange, is this the norm?

 

Yeah, something like that. Change it to "it was nice getting to know you"

[s0fly]

So what, do I rendomly send her a text out of nowhere saying "Hey, I think we might be looking for different things right now, but it was nice knowing you in the mean time", or something like that? If I got a random, "unprovoked" text like that I'd think the person was a bit strange, is this the norm?

 

No, you should only text her that if she texts you first asking to hang out.

[Capttrae]

Find an out doors kind of girl. Lots out there.

 

Umm not really, I've looked everywhere from the backwoods of western Kentucky, pine thickets of south Alabama, swamps and bayous of Lousianna and the Mississippi delta, found one or two that might would go fishin with me or huntin once or twice, but a true outdoors girl that'll wade off in a swamp busting ice and sloshin through mud and muck to get to the duck blind or sit in a tree daylight till dark in the wind and snow and ice, can shoot, skin, and cook critters, yea those girls don't exist!!!!

 

Now Op, great first date idea, if you took her to the gun range and she didn't shoot much, then offered to take her jet skiing and she just noped right out of that, my suggestion would be drop her, but more guns, possibly a couple labs, and be happy. Otherwise you'll be going on dates at the mall holding her bags while she tries on a dress

[Capttrae]

Ment buy more guns, not but more guns

[nsolo]

I've been there, Ron. Hey, at least she came to the gun range. Maybe see if you can get her to come out of her shell some. Date others at the same time though, unless she thinks y'all are exclusive.

[Esglee]

She may be just shy.

[TheRawTruth]

Why don't you find out what SHE likes? You say she answers all your questions, but maybe you're asking the wrong ones. Start asking what she enjoys. Ask her what the most adventurous thing she's ever done was. Share secrets, to see if she has a wild or naughty side. There are ways to find these things out. If she DOESN'T HAVE that side (after you've exhausted all options to find out) THEN you can give up or realize you guys are too different. But for now it seems there ARE ways to make this WORK. Play 20 questions so she HAS to ask you some. Usually, an answer can spark a mini conversation until the NEXT question. So yes, it can work if you have the patience.

[Hollyj]

Why are her interests??? It seems like it all about you likes.

 

I can't imagine going to a gun range on a date, That sounds awful!

[Quirkster]

I dunno about some of you guys - but this is pervasive in my city.

 

I live in a place that is quickly becoming a destination/vacation spot (sort of a mini-Vegas) and the women around here put ZERO effort into their conversational skills or personalities. It's so frustrating.

[RainyCoast]

well the girl was previously annoyed when on the fourth date, he took "dinner at my place" as code for sex, rubbed her, divested her of her clothes, felt her rack and wanted to have sex. she declined- wasn't it supposed to be dinner at her place? he upped and left.

 

if this is a sex arrangement, she is unaware of that.

 

OP claims he can't find girls who would accept an honest booty call arrangement, so he throws in some dating to murk the waters in hopes they'll put out if they feel they are dating, rather than just booty calls.

 

if a guy is willing to set up dates he would rather skip only to get sex, then the nerve to complain the date was boring is a bit ironic.

 

and gawwd, one has to go through all this bother of manipulating women into putting out, and then also put together a one sentence let down text?! too much. too friggin much. wimmin.