She was the first and I don't know what to do now.

[KazNation]

To start with, this woman was someone I met online. At first, we just chatted together with mutual friends we have made. Though, after a few months, we fell for each other. When we finally met in person, which was a while longer and it was a long distance, we were both the happiest we had ever been. We had been together for about 5-6 months until then. I ended up proposing to her and she accepted. But after she left for home, we both ended up being depressed and started to argue over stupid things, because we just weren't together physically. Like, just not being hand in hand for each other. But then she went silent. I knew that something was wrong and each time I asked, she just either gave me silence or one worded answers. Also saying that she just handles things like this on her own. I had been feeling guilty and hurt, because I had felt it was something I had down. A couple months have passed with this still going on, and I finally get a chance to go visit her. When I do, just a day later, she wanted to end things. Saying she couldn't handle the long distance and lack communication and the arguing, when she was mainly the one who started this. So we both agreed on it, but she didn't mind me staying for the time I had originally came for. But in that time, I pretty much got treated like and I won't say I'm not completely innocent, because I know I did something stupid and I apologized all the same for it. At the end of it, when I left, all I really wanted to do was to curl up into a ball and die. We stayed friends, but she was already flirting around with some mutual friends we had, and I know that some of these guys were just pigs who use women for their own purposes. Either way, it hurt because I just wanted better for her and a small part of me still felt a thing for her, even though it's been a few weeks since we had the 'clean split'. But just recently I did something stupid and admitted that part of me still loves her and was brutally honest with her that she probably doesnt need to do some of the things she does, because I knew how she was. It was stupid of me to do and right now I've just isolated myself from everything. I feel horrible for what I did, but I honestly just want the best for her, like I do for everyone. I can't change what I've done, but I just want to know what I should do to move on. Because despite the advice some people give to not talk with your ex, I still wanted to be friends with her, because I feel as if both of us can move past this entirely with time.

[WombatShadow]

You proposed to her after 5 or 6 months of a very long-distance relationship? I don't blame her feet for cooling off. You two barely knew each other in person, and you had already made such a huge commitment.

[KazNation]

Well, the thing is, is that we knew each other better than most. Though not entirely because we weren't together physically as much. But she did keep on hinting on wanting something like that. The proposing. Though, I can't say I blame her either. We both jumped the gun.