BF mad because I won't give him blowjob

[annonymous1]

I'll keep it as short as possible. I can't say I enjoy going down on him but I have done it in the past (not very frequently though). Every time he has had to ask me. Once we had an argument about this where he mentioned that he never waits for me to ask him to go down on me. I told him that he can stop going down on me because it won't be a major problem for me and would be only fair to him too. We sorted it out and decided to have more sex instead. And THEN he started going down on me and I stopped him, saying he doesn't have to do it. But he said he enjoys it. He does ask me for BJs or hand jobs and I give him either but there are times when I don't, mostly because I am tired.

 

Recently a lot of things have been going on. I have a cyst/wart on the inside which I have to get tested. Whenever we have sex, it touches his penis and I get worried. So, whenever he asks for sex, I say no either because I am tired or am worried about the cyst/wart. The other day he got angry because of this and I told him the same thing. We sorted it out saying that we will have sex on a regular basis but not as frequent (and that I will get it tested too). But I got my period now and he's been missing having sex.

 

He asked me for a BJ just some time back and I told him that I would, after 5 minutes. When I did go to him to give him a BJ, I started kissing him so he'd get in the mood. While I was kissing him, he pushed me in a way to suggest that I go down on him (and stop kissing). I found it very rude. I told him to not tell me what to do in such a rude manner. I was obviously going to go down on him in a second! He got mad and said that I was being too clever and that I "knew" that he was being impatient for a BJ but I purposely kept kissing him to piss him off !!! I kept telling him that it wasn't my intention to piss him off and that I did go to him SOLELY for giving him head !!! He said he feels like a "prisoner" because he has to think SO MUCH before asking me for giving him a BJ. He said " I knew it's too good to be true anyway".

 

I was hurt by that statement because I only decided to give him head just because he enjoys it. He thinks I was trying to get power or something ? I didn't understand what he said regarding power but at this point, I had given up and stopped explaining myself. It wasn't my intention to annoy him or make him wait. He loves kissing and I only really wanted to kiss him for getting him turned on! I honestly didn't know he was THIS impatient.

 

He has the issue where he just assumes stuff about what the other person is thinking or what their intentions are (I had told him to stop doing this and being so judgmental). I will give him BJs but not as frequently as he likes. I can't have sex multiple times a day because it really tires me down. I don't want to promise him anything like giving him more BJs because I know I won't be able to keep it. I am so lost on what to do, right now. I don't want to apologize because he was the one who was so extremely impatient. He left for the day and I am going to going out too. So I have sometime to think about it. I can't think of what has to be done! I would really appreciate some advice on this.

[Snny]

Dump this guy. He has no regard for your health nor does he respect you.

[LaHermes]

Annony.

 

You got excellent advice in previous threads encouraging you to get rid of this abusive and selfish individual.

 

Why are you still with him?

 

You said this not very long ago:

 

"The thing is, I don't know how and when to end it. I'm honestly lost and tired"

[Scoe141]

Yea, I read about a third of the way down. You need to break up with this guy. There is no, I mean no reason for his behavior.

[limichelle]

It's time you walk away. This guy has no respect for you, he just wants what he wants when he wants it!

 

Lisa

[j.man]

No your boyfriend is mad because he's an ***hole. That much is obvious. What is it you actually get out of this relationship? There's gotta be something. Is he financially supporting you?

[ParisPaulette]

Holy crap, it is time to walk away and not look back. This just shouldn't be happening period, end of story, don't care how badly you want this not to be.

 

When sex becomes a power struggle it is time to call it a day and move the hell on. I really won't even give you any other advice than that, because there's nothing else to give.

[LaHermes]

Life is tough. This is what OP wrote a while back.

 

"I moved to a new country for my studies. I was always supported by family and friends. I've been lucky enough to grow in a rather wealthy household where we had maids for everything. So when I moved in here, the extreme change in lifestyle and being away from my support system was very,very difficult. It lead to me falling into anxiety and depression. I did make friends but couldn't find people of my liking but still had a decent circle. That is when I met my current bf and he was the most amazing partner I have ever dated. He was himself depressed but was doing okay thanks to the medication and therapy. He helped me with my depression. He started staying at mine on weekends on the second date. We moved too fast. "

[ThatwasThen]

All I'm going to say is that you and he are sexually incompatible and he has a very a-hole way of trying to get you to comply to his needs, Op.

 

OT: Please get yourself to the doctors to get thoroughly checked out (whether you leave him or not) as you've mentioned several times in your Opening post that you're "tired" "too tired" etc. With that and the cyst/wart you mention, you should be looking into your health more closely to make sure you're not more ill then you realize.

[Giblesp]

You must tell any partner about the wart and use protection, this is very important in case its an STD and you are contagious. If you have a wart and are having unprotected sex, this is incredibly bad. You must also get medical advice before continuing having sex, in case you are aggravating the cyst.

 

This man isn't for you, he has no respect.

[annie24]

While I was kissing him, he pushed me in a way to suggest that I go down on him (and stop kissing).

 

I think the last (and only!) time a guy did that to me, I was 20 (so was he). Needless to say, he was selfish in many ways and we didn't last long. Time to move on and find a guy who is a bit more mature.

[catfeeder]

I can't think of what has to be done! I would really appreciate some advice on this.

 

What do you want to do about this, and how can we help?

[Vicky89]

Seems like you guys aren't compatible in several ways, and he has issues.

 

According to your other posts he has called you names, called you stupid, told you that you irritate the F out of him, belittled you when you don't know something that is common knowledge for him, and that's just not what a loving and supporting partner acts like.

 

Him wanting a BJ, that's normal, in fact, I don't personally know any guy that doesn't like oral done to him, and for some guys, oral sex is better than vaginal sex and you not liking to give head puts you in a predicament. I did have an ex who thought body fluids were gross and he couldn't deal with female orgasm fluids etc, so he did not ever give oral to anyone, maybe you need to find yourself a guy that thinks that way so that you don't have to give him bjs and you guys can just have regular sex no oral.

 

But really, this particular question is irrelevant to the bigger picture of this man just being a self centered person in general.

 

Leave him before you stay with him too long and then it becomes your normal, and then you grow accustomed to his rudeness to you, belittling, because that's going to break you down. There is nothing to be had from this relationship, it's unfortunately, just toxic

[dualdimension]

He sounds very selfish and like you do not have good sexual chemistry. Sounds like he doesn't want romance from you and you are more like sexual object. I have issues with sexual compatibility with my GF but I love her so much. I want to kiss her. I would never push her away if she was kissing me ...

 

The most important thing is love and respect in a relationship and I do not know if you have either.

 

Good luck. Sometimes leaving someone seems so scary but then a few months later you will be thinking "why was I with them for so long?".