mgyzrkny Posted June 10, 2017 Share Posted June 10, 2017 Here's the setup - I am an insecure, needy guy, and there's this girl, pretty balanced as far as I can tell. We are doing charity together each week in a small group, have been like that for almost 1 year now. I could write the whole story, all the ups and downs, my endless hope that things will turn upwards, but now it is not the point anymore. Through professional help I got it uncovered that the cause for all (most) of my problems is that I am missing approval, acceptance, love. This makes me seek out 'normal' girls, thinking that if they are okay with me being around, that gives me a stream of validation. If they even like talking to me, let alone want to be with me, that's the top of the world. But I failed at making this happen countless times. It was different with this girl, she seemed to accept me as a human, so I automatically got attached - then came ups and downs, like mentioned. But for some weird reason, I got less insecure lately, I seemed to have faith in that she actually likes being around me. As a friend, for now at least. She's pretty open, but has thick walls at the same time - it's hard to tell what she's really thinking. That made her the most attractive - imagine, cracking down those walls - and behold, we did have conversations that were a bit different than usual. Then she told me why she should not drink alcohol, and one that very day, when we came close to a set of bottles, and I said I'd offer her a glass of beer, but then I'd have bad conscience, she just told me - 'I can take responsibility of myself, looks like I should not have told you that I have a problem' + weird silence. That hit me, and the more I thought about this later the worse it got. I appreciated that she shared something with me... Did I do something wrong? Has she been irritated by me for a while now? Was it her who had been over-sensitive there? These are not the most important things anymore. Sure, ask her, talk to her, right? Nope. I dare not. I am just thinking about leaving charity. I mean, I somehow got enough. Feeling close, then feeling rejected, then back on track again - enough. It's the usual question - should I leave, what I am going to loose, will I regret it... ? What if she actually could have been that person to me? I like the group, though it's small, but I have grown closer to them as I do to people usually. I'd surely miss some of that - but really, I am fed up right now. Link to comment
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