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Here's the setup - I am an insecure, needy guy, and there's this girl, pretty balanced as far as I can tell.

We are doing charity together each week in a small group, have been like that for almost 1 year now.

I could write the whole story, all the ups and downs, my endless hope that things will turn upwards, but now it is not the point anymore.


Through professional help I got it uncovered that the cause for all (most) of my problems is that I am missing approval, acceptance, love. This makes me seek out 'normal' girls, thinking that if they are okay with me being around, that gives me a stream of validation. If they even like talking to me, let alone want to be with me, that's the top of the world.

But I failed at making this happen countless times.


It was different with this girl, she seemed to accept me as a human, so I automatically got attached - then came ups and downs, like mentioned. But for some weird reason, I got less insecure lately, I seemed to have faith in that she actually likes being around me. As a friend, for now at least.


She's pretty open, but has thick walls at the same time - it's hard to tell what she's really thinking.

That made her the most attractive - imagine, cracking down those walls - and behold, we did have conversations that were a bit different than usual.


Then she told me why she should not drink alcohol, and one that very day, when we came close to a set of bottles, and I said I'd offer her a glass of beer, but then I'd have bad conscience, she just told me - 'I can take responsibility of myself, looks like I should not have told you that I have a problem' + weird silence.

That hit me, and the more I thought about this later the worse it got. I appreciated that she shared something with me...


Did I do something wrong? Has she been irritated by me for a while now? Was it her who had been over-sensitive there?

These are not the most important things anymore. Sure, ask her, talk to her, right? Nope. I dare not.


I am just thinking about leaving charity. I mean, I somehow got enough. Feeling close, then feeling rejected, then back on track again - enough.

It's the usual question - should I leave, what I am going to loose, will I regret it... ? What if she actually could have been that person to me?

I like the group, though it's small, but I have grown closer to them as I do to people usually. I'd surely miss some of that - but really, I am fed up right now.

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As far as i see you haven't done anything wrong i guess. You just were honest and carrying. Girls tend to think million of thoughts at the same time and sometimes they overreact on certain situations. Maybe it wasn't her day, maybe someone pissed her off and that anger just came on you. Things like that happen so don't get into much details, don't try to understand what a woman thinks, cause you will get lost inside your negative thoughts at the end.


My only valuable advice which i got from my best friend that is a Psychologist, do what ever you think is right, but only if it is your decision and no one else, only then you will never regret it! Otherwise if you follow my hypothetical advice on just leaving her alone, you might end up regretting for letting a random guy on the internet decided that for you since you clearly don't want this


Be clear with you, with your intentions to people and let them know that! BE you and BE honest! Who ever like to follow and accept you, will do so! The rest of them simply don't deserve you!

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You didn't say anything wrong, from what you've described. It sounds like she's just defensive about the alcohol thing, maybe a bit embarrassed that she told you about it because it made her feel weak and vulnerable and exposed. I know it hurt your feelings, but try not to worry about it. Stay if you want to, or go if you want, but just distance yourself a little and let her come to you either way. Her comment was a bit uncalled for, because you were just being friendly.

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I just thought that I became too happy when she shared - and maybe got too clingy after that. Who knows - it's not going to be any clearer as time passes anyway.

She is on vacation now, won't see her for 3 weeks - so distance there shall be!


And I thought that I was finally starting to know her... and suddenly, after smiling and chatting, boom, goes her dynamite.

I just won't be able to NOT wonder if her smile is real, or she is just acting and being polite, while wishing I was somewhere else.


I guess I'll just leave - out of courtesy I'd have to stay with the group for a while, so it's better if I notify them now. It'll be inconvenient when she comes back anyway, maybe this way I can shorten that period.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Well, I let her know that I would be leaving the group in a month.

She did not seem disappointed or shocked at all. Not sure what I was expecting there, honestly - I guess there are just people who are in control so much that nothing can shake them - or she just did not care.

Being with someone who can't/won't express their feelings is a killer, so wether or not she cared, it still seems I am better off away from her.

I'm free!

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