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dump him now, or later???


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For the last year, I've dated a musician who is living with his parents and barely makes income. As a result I'm almost paying for everything. Why? Because I value his support and we have fun. Plus if i didnt we just be watching re-runs of big bang theory on the couch. Don't worry, we don't go on expensive dates or anything. He is sad that he can't chip in, and is grateful I help. So he keeps dates to a mininum. In his case it's, cigarettes, a few rounds of beer, expensive take aways finished with a film on his mum's Netflix. It does eventually ad up. But I've made my own choice.


So now the honeymoon phase is over. I've snapped back to reality and realised I can't spend he rest of my life supporting a barely surviving musician. However, I've also realised I've invested a lot of time and money into him too. We're currently practicing together as a duo. This is so that we can audition and hopefully work for an agency.


However, I feel that the romance - on my part anyway - is dead. Although I still value him as a very close friend. Its harder to say I love you to him, cause it's slowly loosing it's meaning. He loves me and wants to be together forever and ever and all that mush. He is totally unaware that I'm not into him anymore.


My overall problem is that he has outright said, and cried out about it, that he wouldn't work together with me unless we are a couple. I've already wasted a year working with his band, which went up in smoke. So we're just a duo now.


I want to continue working with him because I could save so much money if we get the agency work. And I would feel that everything I've ever wasted, time and money, would be rewarded back. As I enjoy working as a musician, plus I could travel the world and save money for the first time ever.


My friends are started to realise that I'm not into him. They want me to dump him asap. My really good friend has pointed out that I've lost motivation for life and ambition for my original career path and feels my boyfriend has steered me away from my real potential (I studied graphic design).


But I like both music and my design work, but at the minute I feel pursuing music will be more financially beneficial. Plus I could get the whole 'traveling the world' bucketlist out of the way. The other options would be to dump him, move back with parents, work in fast food place or bar, and hopefully one day get a entree position in the field I studied.


I've always done what's sensible in my life and never what is best for myself. So I don't know the difference anymore right now. I just want people's advice and opinion about what they would do or see as the most positive option?

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So, if I understand you correctly, you feel nothing for this man and want to break up with him, but are thinking about staying with him for the time being because you see some potential career/personal/financial benefit?


That's actually really selfish. You'd just be using him, wasting his time, and playing with his emotions for you own personal benefit. Then what? You'll dump him once you've wrung whatever benefit you can out of a relationship with him?


No, that's morally very wrong. If you don't want to be with him break up with him.

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Breaking up is the hardest thing but you've consciously moved on and you're ready to expand your horizons. If anything, he's still living at home and being supported. Mentally, he hasn't matured as an adult and is used to being supported.


I'm glad that you have friends who know & can speak their mind. I hope that you find a fab guy that spoils you equally.

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Sure, he wants to be together forever, as he has a sweet deal.


How could you stay in for so long, and basically be someone's wallet? Don't you want more out of you dating life than beer, cigarettes and Netflix.


What women will tolerate to be in a relationship! UGH!!!!! If you are over the age of 21, it is really sad!!!!

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I feel bad for the guy! He's a placeholder until something better comes along either with your music or another guy.

Sure he doesn't sound the most motivated as a couch potato but he's not leading you on!


Think back OP in the end how is staying with him going to benefit either of you?



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