Need Break/Break-up.... feel suffocated!

[TrueBlue631]

I have been with my girlfriend for 3/5 years. Met online.

We are both on the older side, I'm 40, she's 48. Neither of us have been married and neither have kids.

To be honest, when I saw her online, I was attracted by her older age, and expected a very mature and independent woman and partner.

I was unfortunately mistaken, and it took me learning she was well into the relationship.

 

There was a time we talked about a future together, and getting married.

 

A few years ago, I proposed selling my house and moving in together. Unfortunately, I hadn't planned the whole thing through before that idea, and was unprepared with how overwhelming the process was, and how much of my life, history, and property I would be getting rid of to make this happen. Needless to say, as time passed, the idea fizzled out. Unfortunately, this only upset my GF, and in her passive aggressive manner, chose to hold a grudge without telling me until we were both pissed off with each other.

 

She has since taken a job with a schedule and commute that limits our time even further. But her expectation is that I should adjust and compromise my own schedule and responsibiities in order to be able to make time for her. Unfortunately, my time too is limited to just weekends, so I can never do everything I need to do.

 

It's gotten to the the point that she had a meltdown when I made lunch plans with a friend who I have seen in years, on one of the weekend days we are together. Another meltdown was when I was about to leave her house early one morning to go to a garage sale, and I was going to meet up with her later.

 

She recently had surgery which makes her mobility more difficult, and she has become even MORE high maintenance that ever.

 

I am at wits end.

I love her and I m afraid of hurting her. She is a highly sensitive and emotional person.

I am ashamed to say this, but I have thoughts of hurting myself to get out of this situation, rather than break up and hurt her.

 

Should I make a clean break, and not turn back, no matter what she feels, hurt or not? Or propose a break to give ourselves time to think, and open the opportinity for both of us to date to see if what the two of us have is really the best we ca get?

 

Help!!

[MyLifeMyChoice]

Have you sat down with her to discuss how her behavior is bothering you? I think you should communicate this to her rather than bottle it up. Tell her exactly how you're at your wit's end and that she needs to change, otherwise, you have to reconsider the relationship. Be compassionate, but stern. Explain to her that you love her, but can't take this anymore...

 

Unless your mind is all made up and you just want to break up.

[Krankor]

First of all, you have to do what's right for you. If this relationship is making you miserable you ultimately aren't doing her any favors by staying in it. Yes, it's really, really hard to hurt someone you care about but you only get one go-around on this planet. It will hurt her but she will get over it.

 

Having said that, after 3.5 years I do agree with the above poster; if there's a problem you should try to work it out with her first and give her a chance to rectify the situation. Now, in my experience, people like her don't change, even when you explain that you are feeling smothered. They have a certain expectation when it comes to your time. Even if you manage to compromise a little more free time for yourself, fundamentally it still doesn't work because the way they see it is that they own your time because they are in a relationship with you, and whatever free time you get is time that must be granted. However, that's just been my experience.

 

But, like I said, in the end, you have to do what's right for you, and if this problem can't be rectified don't waste time out of your life in a relationship that makes you unhappy.