jimbo2 Posted June 9, 2017 Share Posted June 9, 2017 My wife and I recently had our first through IVF so it hasn't exactly been an easy journey for us however since having the baby my wife has become snappy, rude and generally quite dislikeable. 6 days after birth my wife decided it might be a good idea to try and get back to work... I had pleaded with her that it might take a little more time to heal giving the circumstances that she endured pushing baby out. My wife is a fitness instructor making my reasoning even more valid however, my wife felt that she wanted to earn the money to support her new bundle of joy so went ahead and taught a client with baby and I in tow. seeing as my parents had only met the baby once before at the hospital and seeing that we were literally passing the door to my parents house, I thought it might be nice idea to pop in and see them for a few minutes before we returned home to our home town 20 minutes away. My wife flatly refused saying that she knew she would feel too tired after her client. I couldn't see how a few minutes would make much of difference so kept bringing it up a couple of times before we went. (she has since said that this was quite annoying which I understand) Anyhow, I drove the baby and my wife to said client and my wife quickly realised that having a baby in the clients house wasn't going to work. I offered then to take out baby to see my parents a few minutes away in order that she could do her job without interruption. This guys was the last straw for her in this scenario, after her client she told me that our marriage was over and that she couldn't have me and my parents put this kind of pressure on her. I was totally bemused and clearly very upset. We talked and I to somehow managed to avoid a major catastrophe in as much as we stayed together... She sent a text to my parents the following day saying that putting that type of pressure on her so soon after birth was unfair and that she didn't come over because she simply didn't feel like it and that if they wanted to know the truth that they aught to call. Within a minute of course, my mother rang completely confused as to what was happening. For the interests of transparency I put her on speaker phone to then have my wife scream and shout at my mother that she was ruining her relationship and that it was all their fault and that they were too involved. In the meantime my mother was asking my wife to stop and to talk but she continued to shout. My mother then had clearly had enough a blew her top in return (by which time my wife had called her mother on her phone so she could her what was happening) The conversation ended with my wife telling my mother to go and F*** herself which my mother thankfully did not hear. the sad thing sis my dad who hear the beginning of the conversation and tried to get her to stop yelling, had actually been very defensive of my wife and had been very supportive through her pregnancy. My wife refused to apologise for her behaviour citing that she had done nothing wrong. My mother in the meantime also refused to apologise. We have since all met and things did not feel natural which is to be expected but things started to improve. But unfortunately this is not the last of it, my wife has now been staying at her parents house (which is a 10 minute walk from our house) with our baby and has been for about two weeks. I stayed with my parents the night before a triathlon and then the following night as my wife had gone to see her sister some 2 hours away. By the time she cam back the following day I was at work. I then managed to see baby and wife in town prior to a baby group. I asked to hold my daughter but wife refused saying that I couldn't just swoop in for the nice times and that she had been doing all the hard work..... clearly this frustrated me but I let it go. We enjoyed our baby group and things seemed to be back on track however my wife then read a text from my mother saying, 'stay strong and stand tall' - I had clearly moaned to my mother that I wasn't happy. With this my wife stormed off at which point I had to go to work. I tried to call her but she didn't answer. I found her behaviour to frustrating, disrespectful and unloving I just needed to speak with someone, that someone was of course my mother and father who were dreadfully distressed given my wife's previous outburst. My father in his wisdom and being a military man tried to fix the situation by calling my wife's father (another military man) to try and see if we could sort all this out as it was heading for disaster. My wife then called me at work to moan about the above and to ask why I had asked my father to call. I hadn't but that didn't really sink in. the past two days together have been fine and pleasant but if a gently broach the subject of my parents having a relationship with their first and probably only ever grandchild, she says 'there is no relationship and I never want to see them again' . I try to suggest that my mum and Dad are important and that they would love to see their grand daughter but my wife doesn't seem to care. I have seriously considered leaving my wife over her behaviour towards both my family and I but the advice I've been given is that I should wait at least 6 months for the hormones to leave the system. My concern is that this is not the first time in our relationship my wife has been difficult to handle. I can cope with the majority of her tantrums but I am struggling with the idea that my parents will see very little of the granddaughter in the future despite being 20 minutes down the road. Other issues include; -Bulimia (Was a major issue which seems to be dormant for the time being- I was unaware of this problem until two weeks after we got married. She has no pride in our family home saying that that's not what's important to her - so I do ALL the cleaning. Despite all this however, I do love her and she can be amazing when she's not angry, grumpy, tired or hungry. My Main concern at the minute is how do I foster a good relationship between her and my parents in order that they can regularly see their grand daughter. A short non complex issue for you all to discuss! Help please. Link to comment
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