Jump to content

Need an unbiased opinion


Recommended Posts

Okay so I'm just looking for opinions on something I'm honestly the worst person at making decisions and I feel like any of my friends/family have biased opinions and Id like to hear what people think or if anyone has been in this situation, it's a bit lengthy.



Okay so I started going out with my boyfriend at the end of 2012 we met in college and fell in love straight away, had a great first year together everything was great although he had some minor controlling tendencies and insecurities I.e sometimes being jealous or not trusting me although I was being faithful and really loved him.


After this there was a few times where he'd mention that he needs to do things by himself as in travelling alone and seeing the world and being by himself without the comfort of a girlfriend because it would force him to get out of his shell. Obviously I considered these but we were so happy.


We ended up travelling around Europe together, moving in together for a few months while we were in college before we went to work in the US for a summer. During all of this the arguments were getting more frequent and nastier, he was isolating himself from his friends and from me sometimes he would turn his phone off for a week and I wouldn't be able to contact him, it was like I didn't even have a boyfriend sometimes, but I always put this down to his demons and also stress from college which was understandable I thought.


When we were in the US everything went wrong for him from losing his passport to changing jobs multiple times which cause a lot of heated arguments.. he ended up wanting to come home early instead if travelling and obviously I had to come home too even though I didn't want to..


Everything came to a head after that and we split up for a few weeks then ended up with him begging us to get back together so we did and he was going into his final year so I knew it would be a tough year.


I was right and the isolated behavior and nasty arguments continued.

Although I made a new group of friends that I really needed and appreciated because I felt so alone in the relationship..I think it made him feel jealous or insecure because he didn't have any friends at this point.


Christmas of that year I was at a get together in one of my friends and I got really drunk and had messy sex with one of my friends that I barely remember, it was awful and I instantly regretted it I left crying and was determined to tell him straight away.. But I couldn't bring myself to do it, I knew it meant nothing to me and it gave me a whole new perspective on our relationship and what I really wanted and I wanted to be with my boyfriend.

Selfish I know but I had to carry it so at the time I felt like it was the right thing to do.


We stayed together for another year with a few explosive arguments throughout and almost broke up a good few times but when it was good it was good.


Everything came to a head at the end of the year when my boyfriend confessed to trying to sleep with one of his good friends in the first year we were together and trying it for a good two months on different occasions.. He also admitted to sleeping with a random girl on a night out and kissing a few different girls on nights out aswell.. This leading to me telling him about my infidelity and we talked about it all night and agreed that we part ways for obvious reasons.


This was fine until he started harassing me and posting things on my facebook and texting my parents horrible things about me and leaving abusive voicemails at all hours until my dad went up to his house and told him to leave me alone.


I blocked and ignored him for 4 months and I was doing great until a few weeks ago when he saw me at a festival and wanted to talk, it was like he had honestly accepted everything he done and was so sorry for it, we met up a few times since and it's like our connection is even stronger now because everything is out in the open and he knows that he treated me like that and blocked me out because he was always hiding something and I suppose the same goes for me for the last year.


Neither of us want to get back together but I love him so much and I feel like I could honestly spend the rest of my life with him.


He wants to go out and meet people and get some real friends and sleep around a bit but he's so conflicted because he says he loves me and I'm his soul mate..


I don't want to get back together I know he's not ready and I want to see a bit of the world myself and try be alone for a while..


I just don't know what to do should I cut all ties and try move on or keep in touch, he's my best friend and I don't and never have connected like this with anyone before.. My family and friends hate him but I feel like he's a different person or am I just being naive??

Link to comment

I'm with Lady Canada,


I think you two have a toxic relationship that has blown up on several occasions and caused you both to cheat. And while the hearts might still be into it, there is still high chances of toxic behaviour between you. It might start of all nice, but it only takes a few drinks for the humpy pumpy dance to happen and things to start spiralling out of control again.


It's like two chemiscals that explode when mixed. Sure it's fine for them to sit next to each other on the shelf in their separate bottles but it only takes one slip for them to mix and explode again.


There are plenty other people out there in the world, you are young and should be looking forward and not hanging on to the past.

Link to comment

I am leaning towards this being too far gone to resuscitate.

But if I am wrong - I do firmly believe that if you two stay in touch while he 'meets people and sleeps with others" (really? did he tell you that?. . . anyway)

will just lead to hard feelings and misunderstandings.

Wish him well, walk away on a high note and if by some chance the moon and stars align and you two are meant to be together, you can do so at a later time.

Link to comment

I felt this too but he was so adamant to get back in contact with me and for me not to hate him, which I did for a while.


But I can't stop thinking about him it's made it so much harder it was ten times easier when I hated him and now I feel like he just wants me there to support him through him hating himself..


And yeah he said that in not so many words, he never went out with anyone before me I was his first relationship and he didn't have much attention from girls before we met so he feels like he's missing out on something or that down the line he'll feel unhappy I dunno.


I'm battling between "let him experience that cause you know he really loves you" and "I deserve someone that doesn't need to do all that, that I'm enough for"


Thanks so much for the replies guys honestly it's helping

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...