Taking Advantage Of The Person You Are In A Relationship With

[Batya33]

In particular, I find these women (who say they are high quality and deserve high quality dates) on match.com.

I'm looking for:

Caucasian

Educated (bachelors and above)

Has A Career: nurse, teacher, physical therapist, etc.

Health Conscious

 

It's interesting that you mention careers that are stereotypically female -just random or is that a preference? I ask also because those careers are incredibly rewarding and challenging and often don't command a high salary.

I would be polite but firm -if the woman is tacky enough to ask to meet at an expensive restaurant you can say "I like to keep first meets on the shorter side so I'm cool to meet there for drinks" - and I wouldn't blame you if the woman chooses an obviously fancy restaurant to politely decline the first meet - her tackiness will only increase.

[Starlight925]

It's interesting that you mention careers that are stereotypically female -just random or is that a preference? I ask also because those careers are incredibly rewarding and challenging and often don't command a high salary.

 

You know, this is a great point. While these women may be educated and have careers, these are typically careers that don't pay as much. So perhaps these women figure they can make up the wage gap via dates?

 

In any event, as was said above, "No" is a complete sentence.

 

For the record, I'm everything you mentioned above in your list, except that my career is not listed, but I have a nice one. My boyfriend asked me for a salad lunch date for our first date, at a very casual place. For our second date, we split a large meal and had drinks; after which, we were having such fun, I suggested more drinks at a second place, and I paid before he could see that I did. So no, not all women are like this.

[Batya33]

You know, this is a great point. While these women may be educated and have careers, these are typically careers that don't pay as much. So perhaps these women figure they can make up the wage gap via dates?

 

In any event, as was said above, "No" is a complete sentence.

 

For the record, I'm everything you mentioned above in your list, except that my career is not listed, but I have a nice one. My boyfriend asked me for a salad lunch date for our first date, at a very casual place. For our second date, we split a large meal and had drinks; after which, we were having such fun, I suggested more drinks at a second place, and I paid before he could see that I did. So no, not all women are like this.

 

I kind of want to backpedal because I don't think there's a connection other than if the woman is materialistic/looking for a sugar daddy she might be more motivated to act on it if she's chosen a low-salaried career.

[KantSleep]

Yes women will take advantage. So will men. I dated a man who would ask me to stop and pick up groceries for him and he would never pay me for them. He then started hitting me up to pay his mortgage. See ya! My current BF and I generally split the bill. I insisted from day 1. I would feel like a leech if I sat around expecting someone to constantly feed me and pay for my movies and alcohol. Shameful women.

[ParisPaulette]

Just offering my two cents. If all you're going for are looks and you ignore serious red flags then all you're going to get are good-looking people who know how to take advantage of people.

 

I'd also like to take a moment and say most women AND men who use other people, moochers or whatever you want to call them, are exceedingly charming and good at making people laugh and like them with a few extroverted conversations etc. And if that's what you go for - the extroverted charmer who looks great with nothing else to show for it, who demands money be spent on them, then well I'm sorry but you are the company you keep.

 

Plenty of women, myself included did not demand a guy shell out big bucks, so if you're going for the woman who demands Hermes purses and loans and says cringe-y things like she's a villain in a rom-com while fancying herself a Pretty Woman wannabe (I hate that movie, I really do) then don't be surprised if they're shaking you down for money. Anymore than the women who let some guy they barely know with no job, no career, not even a car talk them into "We're in lurv so lemme move in with you," and then they wonder why they are in debt with some guy eating them out of house and home.

 

Go for coffee dates in the middle of the day. That alone weeds out all sorts of the desperate and users or worse, because trust me there is worse. The ones looking for something from you beyond a nice time to see if there's a spark will bail on you. Plus added bonus, if you get there and find out she's ahem fudged a bit on her profile (I have guy friends, they tell me things) then you are out a couple of bucks for coffee an that's it.

 

And you do that for a couple of first dates or walks in the park or other things. You really only should be shelling out big bucks on each other when you have gotten to know each other and know this is someone you want to spend time with who is an equal, not a gal or guy looking for someone else to keep them in the style to which they've become accustomed. It's expensive to eat out, women do need to carry their weight on that - my ancestors went to prison for marching to have the right to vote and own land so by god we can pay for our own damn meals too. After you're a couple, then you do nice things for each other and you can go out to all the fancy restaurants you want.

 

But seriously drop the high maintenance "I demand you spend big bucks on me" ladies at the door the first whiff of that you get. And ladies, when he went on one date with you and then shows up at your door with his laundry and suitcase asking if he can stay at your place "for a few days," you do the same.

 

Dating has one purpose - to find out if you're compatible with someone else. If you see red flags from the get-go or even up to a few months in, pull the ripcord and get out of there and move on to keep looking. Everyone has to sort through the ones who are single for a reason to find the ones who just want a good gal or bloke to have in their lives. It's a numbers game and it's a you need to perfect your "red flag" meter. And that's pretty much it.

 

And yeah, I know it's easier said than done sometimes. Still OP good on your for trying, but you need to change the types of people you date and your dating strategy, because sadly there are people out there who simply hit up as many people to use as they can. It's not that you attract them, they are just throwing out a wide net to everyone to see what they can get, really. But also take a hard look at why you keep ending up with this sort of person, because after a time or two with one of those you should be able to spot them coming before they ever come near you - and be gone before they get to you.

[limichelle]

I had one guy ask for gas money and he only lived ten minutes away! He even asked to borrow one hundred dollars to pay his cable bill so he didn't miss golf! Yeah I was out of there fast! I refused to give him any type of money!

 

OP

 

What you ask for sounds reasonable. Do you think you are being too picky lookswise? Maybe someone who isn't within your normal range of beauty would be the one who would be easy going, not spoiled, nor high maintenance.

 

Just a thought?

 

Lisa

[Capricorn3]

I went to a therapist and she said IT'S MY FAULT. I need to speak up. Let them know that this isn't all right. Put my foot down, etc.

OP, I may get flamed for this, but dare I say, you're being a doormat. You allow these women to walk all over you. You ALLOW them to treat you this way. Listen to your therapist.

[Hollyj]

People still go to the movies? They make terrible movies nowadays. Lets go back in time..

 

Have you tried foreign or independent films?

[Hollyj]

I've tried exactly what you suggested but the reply is usually:

"I'm a high quality woman and I deserve to be taken out to a high quality place. I don't have any place in my life for cheap men."

 

You are the common denominator, as you choose this type. Why in the world ,do you continue to choose these types of women?

[Hollyj]

Some are just looking for a health concious refined gentleman. Nothing wrong with that. I like quality when it comes to certain things. We all like what we like.

 

I think that you are missing the point here!

[Careerchoice]

I went to a therapist and she said IT'S MY FAULT. I need to speak up. Let them know that this isn't all right. Put my foot down, etc.

 

And she's right. What's the problem with her advice? You can't put it into action or you disagree with it?

 

I'm going to read in between the lines in your post and observe that you are not really looking for any answers, you just want to complain about the nature of women. I have news for you: women will not change no matter how much you complain and a certain percent of them (the overwhelming majority in my experience) will test your boundaries, and for good reason. Women don't want wimpy doormats, they want men who act like men.

 

So come to terms with the way the world works and stop this passive-aggressive behavior, because it's not getting you anywhere other than becoming a woman-hater. Women are great. They are better than men in many respects. They just need to be understood and given what they need. Make these changes, or get out of the dating game.

[shellyf62]

OP, I may get flamed for this, but dare I say, you're being a doormat. You allow these women to walk all over you. You ALLOW them to treat you this way. Listen to your therapist.

 

Totally agree with you

[nutbrownhare]

It's not that you attract them, they are just throwing out a wide net to everyone to see what they can get, really. But also take a hard look at why you keep ending up with this sort of person, because after a time or two with one of those you should be able to spot them coming before they ever come near you - and be gone before they get to you.

 

This ^^^. To the OP - it's not that you're out looking for them, but that you don't get out of the way when you find them. And until you revise your beliefs about women, you're not likely to because you imagine that all women are like that. They aren't!