Taking Advantage Of The Person You Are In A Relationship With

[David92506]

I date women from several social clubs, work and online dating. After several dates it always is the same thing. I feel like she is taking advantage of me. By this I mean she is always 40 minutes late for each date, she always orders the most expensive meal (I pay for everything), she orders hors d’oeuvres and appetizers with her meal, she insists that we go to her favorite restaurant (I pay) or her favorite movie, loaning her money, etc. I have the impression that EVERYONE will take advantage of you if you let them. I went to a therapist and she said IT'S MY FAULT. I need to speak up. Let them know that this isn't all right. Put my foot down, etc.

 

I was talking with a female co-worker and she said her boyfriend is always trying to take advantage if her. She constantly has to assert her boundaries.

 

My question is,

 

Do you believe most people will take advantage of you (in a relationship) if you let them?

 

When people do take advantage of you, don't they feel bad or guilty?

[LaHermes]

"When people do take advantage of you, don't they feel bad or guilty?"

 

Certain people. And no, they don't feel bad or guilty. It's how they are.

 

And no, everyone will not take advantage of you. But the selfish and self-absorbed will. If you let them.

 

Trick is to see them coming. They are generally an unpleasant lot anyhow.

 

They are known as "the on the make and on the take brigade".

 

Easily weeded out.

[Nikego]

People still go to the movies? They make terrible movies nowadays. Lets go back in time..

[nutbrownhare]

My current relationship is a total exception, but I've had many relationships where I felt taken advantage of. I think I'd spot the warning signs very quickly these days!

 

So no, not everyone is out to exploit you.

 

I saw a very interesting survey a while back, about givers, takers and matchers in relationships. I'm a giver, and would eventually feel taken advantage of and all the rest. The trick is, if you're a giver, to pair up with another giver. More here:

 

[Starlight925]

I've had guys tell me that they feel so taken advantage of by women these days. One guy was newly single, and he said he is out several hundred dollars due to women insisting on these expensive dinners, ordering expensive drinks, etc. I feel like this gives women in general such a bad name, and like LaHermes said, these are the selfish and self-absorbed.

 

Here's the way to rectify it: For a first date, suggest something that's low in cost, but a nice experience:

Lunch at a casual, salad-type place.

Coffee at a cool hip new place (not Starbuck's).

A walk through a museum.

Beer at a local craft brewery.

 

You get the point. You'll weed them out real fast, because the ones who are into you? They will delight at trying a new beer and sharing some freshly made onion rings. The ones who want their trendy, $200 dinner? They'll say no.

 

For a 2nd date, suggest a more casual restaurant, and a walk through a park, or a boardwalk, something like that. Again, the selfish/self-absorbed? You won't have to worry about her, as she's going to say no.

[David92506]

I've had guys tell me that they feel so taken advantage of by women these days. One guy was newly single, and he said he is out several hundred dollars due to women insisting on these expensive dinners, ordering expensive drinks, etc. I feel like this gives women in general such a bad name, and like LaHermes said, these are the selfish and self-absorbed.

 

Here's the way to rectify it: For a first date, suggest something that's low in cost, but a nice experience:

Lunch at a casual, salad-type place.

Coffee at a cool hip new place (not Starbuck's).

A walk through a museum.

Beer at a local craft brewery.

 

You get the point. You'll weed them out real fast, because the ones who are into you? They will delight at trying a new beer and sharing some freshly made onion rings. The ones who want their trendy, $200 dinner? They'll say no.

 

For a 2nd date, suggest a more casual restaurant, and a walk through a park, or a boardwalk, something like that. Again, the selfish/self-absorbed? You won't have to worry about her, as she's going to say no.

 

I've tried exactly what you suggested but the reply is usually:

"I'm a high quality woman and I deserve to be taken out to a high quality place. I don't have any place in my life for cheap men."

[LaHermes]

Also OP, you mention:

 

"I was talking with a female co-worker and she said her boyfriend is always trying to take advantage if her. She constantly has to assert her boundaries."

 

Good for her that she has assertive boundaries. Does she mean she has to pay for exclusive dinners for him or perhaps something else.

 

One thing is for sure, she does not need this BF, if she has to constantly stop him in his tracks.

 

""I'm a high quality woman and I deserve to be taken out to a high quality place. I don't have any place in my life for cheap men.""

 

They sure have a great opinion of themselves! LOL. High quality? I don't think so. Lack of breeding would be more like it.

 

How ill-mannered and ill-bred does one have to be to even SAY this. I ask.

 

""I'm a high quality woman and I deserve to be taken out to a high quality place. I don't have any place in my life for cheap men.""

[itsallgrand]

No, not everyone is a user. The users should get the least of your attention. The moment you sniff it out (and if you have a hard time with doing this, ask for feedback until you get the knack, it's easy once you see enough of them)- drop them and move your attention elsewhere.

 

Like someone els said, simplicity and equitibity can be established early. If you want that, don't tolerate less.

[Starlight925]

I've tried exactly what you suggested but the reply is usually:

"I'm a high quality woman and I deserve to be taken out to a high quality place. I don't have any place in my life for cheap men."

 

That's awesome!!! Yay!!!! I love it! This shows you who they are before you've spent one dime, and you can hang on your couch and Netflix-it until you meet a nice, warm, appreciative woman!

[Nikego]

I wouldnt ask for expensive food or drink. But going out to eat is often expensive. I like to spoil my man with little surprises. A shirt i'll think he will like, etc.

[LaHermes]

That's it LH.,

"Here's the way to rectify it: For a first date, suggest something that's low in cost, but a nice experience:

Lunch at a casual, salad-type place.

Coffee at a cool hip new place (not Starbuck's).

A walk through a museum.

Beer at a local craft brewery."

 

Tell me something, David. Where do you find/meet these gems of womanhood?

 

Not, I do hope, cruising the pretty woman boardwalk......

[nutbrownhare]

I've tried exactly what you suggested but the reply is usually:

"I'm a high quality woman and I deserve to be taken out to a high quality place. I don't have any place in my life for cheap men."

 

Yep... that tells you everything you need to know, right there!

 

Next...

[reinventmyself]

Yep... that tells you everything you need to know, right there!

 

Next...

 

But . . .did you still go out with her?

[David92506]

That's it LH.,

"Here's the way to rectify it: For a first date, suggest something that's low in cost, but a nice experience:

Lunch at a casual, salad-type place.

Coffee at a cool hip new place (not Starbuck's).

A walk through a museum.

Beer at a local craft brewery."

 

Tell me something, David. Where do you find/meet these gems of womanhood?

 

Not, I do hope, cruising the pretty woman boardwalk......

 

 

In particular, I find these women (who say they are high quality and deserve high quality dates) on match.com.

I'm looking for:

Caucasian

Educated (bachelors and above)

Has A Career: nurse, teacher, physical therapist, etc.

Health Conscious

[nutbrownhare]

In particular, I find these women (who say they are high quality and deserve high quality dates) on match.com.

I'm looking for:

Caucasian

Educated (bachelors and above)

Has A Career: nurse, teacher, physical therapist, etc.

Health Conscious

 

I wonder how long these women spend being single, and unable to find a partner...!

[LaHermes]

I was afraid of that, David. Match.com

 

Anyhow, maybe got an education, but not much in the line of culture and breeding. Don't go hand in hand you know.

 

You can dress a monkey in silk but it is still a monkey. True saying.

[LaHermes]

LOL. Nutbrown.

 

Too right!

 

No discerning man would have anything to do with them.

 

No, Nutbrown! lol.

 

they are telling you very clearly that they are spoilt, entitled little girls.

 

Just telling him no breeding of any kind. They've read that sort of stuff in trashy magazines and on cheap soaps.

 

Yep. You can take the woman out of the swamp but you can't take the swamp out of the woman.

[nutbrownhare]

I've tried exactly what you suggested but the reply is usually:

"I'm a high quality woman and I deserve to be taken out to a high quality place. I don't have any place in my life for cheap men."

 

You need to start looking for women. If someone comes out with this sort of rubbish ^^^, they are telling you very clearly that they are spoilt, entitled little girls. Don't share your sweeties with them!

[Nikego]

Some are just looking for a health concious refined gentleman. Nothing wrong with that. I like quality when it comes to certain things. We all like what we like.

[LaHermes]

I also like "high quality" (not entirely sure of that definition but never mind) refined gentlemen, and I am all for health conscious, but it would never occur to me to say to any man

 

"I'm a high quality woman and I deserve to be taken out to a high quality place. I don't have any place in my life for cheap men."·

 

Makes me cringe to even think that someone said that!!! That is real low class stuff.

 

And then the OP mentions this: (after several dates):

 

"loaning her money, etc. "

 

What kind of woman asks a man she has been on a few dates with for money!! How classy is that!

 

And the OP is the worse fool for lending such individuals any money. If these woman have a job/profession and earning why in heaven's name would the Op have to lend them money.

[itsallgrand]

What about character qualities? What are you looking for?

[Heavy]

I've tried exactly what you suggested but the reply is usually:

"I'm a high quality woman and I deserve to be taken out to a high quality place. I don't have any place in my life for cheap men."

 

Well the answer is simple for this one SEE YA.

 

If she was willing to see you as a future partner she would like just spending time with you not going out to fancy places that cost an arm and a leg.

 

Maybe try this one go on a day date, picnic, mini golf etc she what her response is to all that and if she is still suggesting the fancy stuff time to cut your ties with this woman.

[LaHermes]

And lending money to these women!!

 

I am lost for words.

[boltnrun]

"No" is a very short word, easy to pronounce.

 

If a woman comes at you with that awful "high quality" speech, then delete her contact info and move onto the next woman!

 

I consider myself a "high quality" woman and I'd love to do something like a brisk walk at the botanic garden or nature preserve followed by a nice salad and some iced tea at the cafe at the botanic garden or nature preserve. Maybe a museum visit, followed by same salad and iced tea. Or something fun but inexpensive like mini-golf (it's hard not to laugh hysterically while playing mini-golf, unless your partner is one of those super-competitive types that has to win at EVERYTHING!). Or a bike ride, something like that.

 

If I want to go to an expensive restaurant I offer to pay my half or if I did the inviting, I'd offer to pay.

 

Weed out the materialistic, entitled women! It's easy!

[shellyf62]

I agree with everything these posters have said.

 

Those comments by those rude, entitled women tell you absolutely everything you need to know about them.

 

Block, delete, NEXT!!!!

 

Who would want to spend their lives pandering to that? Your life would be miserable.

 

Maybe your problem is you like the high maintenance gals? They might look good in their pics, the hair, makeup, nails, good clothes, but they have no substance or quality below the fake facade.

Just because they look good on your arm doesnt mean they are a catch.

You need to look below the wrapping to the qualities the girl possesses.