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He left me for his dead friend's girlfriend


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Please help me comprehend this situation, it is driving me up a wall.


I [24F] met [30M] online and we really hit it off despite how different our backgrounds/experiences are. He is a former alcoholic/drug addict and he got sober when he was my age and has done very well for himself in that time. His dating history has been very toxic (ex girlfriends are heroin addicts, and all come from the same circle of friends/AA in his home town), so he really made it a point to express how grateful he was to have met me as I was unlike anyone he has ever dated - college educated, financially independent, no history of drugs/trouble - and am a clean start for him (he moved to my city for work).


From our first date we texted every day and had good quality time with each other a few times a week, never argued, had lots of deep conversations and I really started to develop strong feelings for him. He told me that he was very excited about me and had told all of his close friends about me and didn't want to mess up this opportunity, and by no means was he talking to any other girls since we had met.


During the time we were dating (~6 months), one of his friends (also sober for a number of years) died of an overdose back in his home town, and 30M went to his memorial service. He posted a tribute to him on his Instagram page and that was that. About two months later, there was one weekend where our communication just kind of stopped - he was working and my texts (just simple "hi hope everything's going well!") were met with pretty dead end answers so I decided to just wait to hear from him, except I never did! I let a week pass and texted him saying "hey" - no response.


A month later and I am still keeping myself up at night wondering what went wrong, until I see that he posts on Instagram with a new girl. Super lame considering we had an explicit conversation about how he would tell me if he is pulling back because of another girl and not because he is busy at work (lol). Anyway curiosity got the best of me and low and behold, not only is she in the same ring of people from his past, she's the girlfriend of the dude that just died.....


So my mind is basically blown. For someone who claimed to want so much better for their life, I have to say I don't think he chose the right path to accomplish that. Was I led on the entire time we were dating? Is he manipulative and preying on her because she is grieving? He is surely going to lose a lot of respect from their mutual friends for that move. Also 30M and the guy that passed away look almost identical, so I wonder if this is just some coping mechanism for that girl.


Please offer all opinions or theories on this situation. I know that it's easier to just say "dodged a bullet" and move on, but it is so ironic I can't stop wondering about all of this.

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Sorry this happened, OP.


I lost an ex very suddenly many years ago in a tragic accident, and it turned my world upside down. This could indeed be a coping method for her, or perhaps there's been something more between them for a while. Unfortunately, you will probably never know.


My question for you is, given that you were dating for 6 months, is it accurate that you two weren't exclusive or official? If not, why is that? 6 months is a good length of time, so I'm curious why things didn't go further. That could have been a sign that he wasn't as invested as you'd thought. In any event, ghosting after 6 months is plain rude and immature, which speaks to his character, I believe. So yes, you did indeed dodge a bullet.

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