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--Why would my ex keep me around after breaking up with no reciprocal feelings-

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So I met a girl at work, and we hit it off and became something. Now throughout this time we were never really able to be public unless we weren't at work as there was no dating allowed since we were in the same department. This caused a few mind battles for me as that was my only time I got to really see her as her life was and still is pretty busy. She goes to school, and has a daughter. Throughout our time together I had created a bond with her kid, and the kid literally liked me more than anybody else. The father was always angry, and in this case jealous as when I stepped into their life I in a sense saved them from him. I helped them move out and start a new life at a new location. Now I did not stay with them at the new location, as I had my own things in life. The age Gap between my ex and I is 6 years with her being older.


We had been together for over a year, and through that time we had our moments. Mostly caused by me, as I was too attached and didn't allow space when she asked for it. I am a very over caring person and always want the best for people. What I took in through the relationship I had with this girl, she wasn't really into that affection and needing the care all that much as she was strong minded and could take care of herself. That was a trait that I admired about her. When there was times the father of the child acted out I was always there to help her and her child. She now recently has said she wants to bring up child support which is something I said right off the bat, but she declined for whatever personal belief.


After she ended the relationship, the day after Valentine's day, she advised that she didn't want to stop being friends but said being partners is something that may never happen again. Maybe in the future but not right now. So we kept in contact since then. She is graduating with a master's degree in an amazing field soon, and just recently, mid March, got a good job that utilizes it's potential. I was so proud of her when she got it. I was the first one she told about it as well. We talked about celebrating and everything but it never occurred. Since the break up I have hung out with her and the child a few times. She had Saturday classes and with cutting the father out the picture, there was nobody she really could trust with her kid so I told her I could always watch after her. That is what I have done a few times, which is great as the kid adores the time we spend together, but it breaks me as I feel like with doing that it could or would help build a bond back with my ex, but it does not seem that way.


During my lunch breaks at work, I will sometimes get random calls from her. I always answer as I don't want to come off rude, and I know I probably shouldn't to show that she can't always contact me for little things. I always hear no contact, but with how this woman is, she is too mature for that. I know that if I were to avoid the calls, then she would just move on quicker. I want to try and get her back. To me I see that by being there for support, but I know that does not always work, and can backfire, which it seems like it is doing.


This past holiday weekend she went to the beach, the week leading up to it was her birthday. I sent flowers for both mother's day, which her child asked me to do, and for her birthday. I sent flowers and chocolate on her birthday as a present. And she posted it to her Facebook saying I was a lovely kind sweet person. I promised her I would take her out for her birthday she would just have to let me know when a good time was. She agreed.


Now I spent the whole day with her yesterday as she had class and wanted to get her hair done. I did this kind of hang out while we were still in a relationship and it was great as I would always take pictures afterwards and we would spend hours together after. That is exactly what happened. I went over from 8am-after midnight. Spent the whole day basically. We went to a car wash, had lunch, and went to get my ex's hair done. Before driving she would always pray and most of the time went and grabbed my hand. Now at one point during the evening she showed me a video on her phone then went to do laundry leaving the phone with me.


During this time for whatever reason the phone, when it went to landscape for the video it jumped to her recent app which was her text messages. She has an iPhone, maybe I swiped left or something when turning it sideways. I am an Android user so I don't know if iPhones have a software feature as such, I see my younger brother do it from time to time. She had a code we needed to use to pick a package up earlier in the day. Now trying to get back to the video I stumbled across some text messages between her and a guy. Curiosity got the best of me I guess. This other guy is the person she went to the beach with. She told me she was going with some friends and in the back of my mind I sorta felt like it was with a new guy as she is extremely attractive and I don't see her without a guy figure in her life for a short period of time. Now the messages that were view able as I didn't scroll as it was honestly an accident opening it in the first place, the messages were sending me back to our climax relationship. She randomly texted​ asking how his day was and it seemed like he drove home after the beach and she kept texting asking if he got home safe with 😘 (kissy face) never saw love you and what not. This destroyed me as I had been there all day thinking we were getting some where as she was the one to invite me over just on Thursday out of the blue.


In the past few months when we hung out and even yesterday we would be at places holding hands and being close. Stumbling across the things I found felt like my brain shattered like glass and I could see it crumble from a distance. Now I did not say anything or ask about what I saw to her as it is not my place to intrude after basically doing it through her phone, which I know I shouldn't have, but it was an honest mistake. I just have so much love for her as the relationship that we had together was my first true love experience. When I left last night I drove for quite some time. Before leaving I hugged both her and the kid and kissed my ex on the forehead wishing them a good night. My ex told me text her when I got home, but with the findings I found, it had me on edge. I went and got gas then tried finding a place to cool down before actually going home. During that time I lost track of time and forgot she asked for me to text when I got home. She messaged both on Facebook and through SMS. I did not receive the Facebook one till I got home but the SMS came through at that moment and I was shocked she was still awake and wanted to check. I advised her that I was on my way and that I had gotten gas and I will text her when I arrived home. Which 10 minutes later is what occurred. I did not receive a text back after the initial text advising what I was doing nor when I got home. I took it as she had fallen asleep. I couldn't sleep last night as she was the only thing on my mind.


Today she called me first thing. Asked me how I am doing, and if I had any plans. I told her no, and she went into detail what she had planned for the day. Then asked if I wanted to come over and be with them both. I agreed, showered, ate some breakfast, and drove over. We spent today, first getting her kids hair done, which she did personally. Then went to have lunch, and stopped to get ice cream. We then went back to their place, and my ex and I spent the evening watching movies, while her kid was wrapped around me playing. Today, I went to use the restroom at her place, and noticed that in the shower there was a bottle of body wash for men, that I had never used before, and the glass shattering feeling started again. I did not question it to her, I had also noticed a fold able toothbrush on the sink, but it had been there for quite some time. I believe it has been there for over a month, longer than the body wash. I am not sure if it is the new person in her life or not.


I am just in a confused state on how somebody can do this to someone they once loved, or maybe loved. I understand she wanted to stay friends, and by doing that situations occur that shouldn't affect the friendship as the two aren't a thing anymore, but I was really hoping we were working on rekindling the relationship​ we once had together. Now knowing the information I saw and with no confirmation from her, I don't know what I should do. She said that we can hang out again next weekend, but knowing what I know now puts a weird taste​ in my mouth.


Tldr ex broke up with me, which hit me hard at first but I moved on rather quickly. Kept contact as she wanted to stay friends. I feel like I have and am being used which I know I am, but the feeling of getting back together is still in my mind. Not sure how to cope with the feeling that she has someone new and is keeping me around and treats me like we're closer than friends when we are together. I feel like an idiot for keeping the contact, which I can't seem to lose or want to lose. I know that if I keep it then this will continue to happen.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I have been in this exact same situation. It hurts. I know it does. I know the feeling of being head over heels about someone and doing everything to try and make them happy and realise I am the right man for them. Sadly this never works. Ever! It seems like this girl wants to have her cake and eat it so to speak. You can't offer all the perks of a relationship to her without receiving what you want in return. Obviously she has other needs fulfilled by toothbrush and body wash man and needs fulfilled by you. Perfect scenario for her but agony for you. If this girl is using you that certainly says a lot about her. You deserve better bro. Have this convo with her. Tell her that you have feelings and don't want to get your hopes up. That is why I always have a policy of no friendships with exes. Also no contact. It may seem emotionally immature but it helps me to cope and move on. You should do the same.

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