Is my husband a sociopath? Should I seek counseling or just leave.

[Paige1991]

Backstory : My husband and I have been married for two years. This behaviour began after our wedding and has gotten progressively worse in the past year. I will try to keep this as short as possible, although it won't be.

 

Throughout our marriage, I have repeatedly caught my husband using social media to talk to women. He has lied about the majority of these accounts, claiming he never had them. Repeatedly denied he was doing until shown proof, etc. He was always sorry, and it would never happen again. So trust has always been an issue but ue qtleast seemed genuinely sorry.

 

About a year ago, I noticed my husband was not the fun-loving guy I married. He became cold, heartless, and distant. He lied compulsively, and was very willing to cheat.

 

He would claim that me not trusting him was my own fault. I was the one causing problems. He told me he didn't care if we got divorced, because he could just replace me and he wouldn't be sad about it. He began leaving me to be with his friends, and would ignore my calls or texts. In 2017 alone so far, I found out he had been seeing his ex-girlfriend, he was having sexual conversations with women on Snapchat, talking to other women on Instagram claiming they were friends. He refuses to help me around the house, when I ask why...he says because he doesn't have to. He refuses to talk this out saying 'I dont want to argue or I have nothing to say to you' He refuses to have sex with me. He told me his job is more important than me. The list goes on. If I bring ANY of these things to his attention he calls me a psycho, tells me to stop bringing up the past (even if it happened the day prior) and even says he should divorce me because all I put him through (complaining too much)

 

The most disturbing part is two weeks ago, he told me this behaviour was normal. That a guy that helps around the house and doesn't lie or cheat is perfect and doesn't exist. I don't know if he genuinely thinks this behavior is normal or if he just wants to convince me it is. I have for awhile thought maybe they was something genuinely wrong with him, maybe he's not just some a-hole. When the fact that he's cheated on me has been brought up, he has laughed. He has told me to get over it, it's none of my business. He even has said it wasn't wrong to describe the sexual things he wanted to do to another woman. He lacks empathy. That's not at all normal, right?

 

I feel ridiculous even suggesting that he's a sociopath. However, I dont feel like a normal person can be so hateful and feel nothing. As well, when I've researched it everything I've read was stuff he has said or done. Is counseling even worth it at this point? Or should I just give up?

[Lester]

Did you have an intelligent discovery/dating period?

[thealchemist]

It sounds like he is totally done and checked out. You can't fix a relationship by yourself.

 

Just to reassure you there are great guys out there. You need to be in a place where you can have a great relationship before you find one though.

 

I am also curious how long you have been together total. How long before marriage?

[abitbroken]

He's not a sociopath. He is a cheater and is abusive towards you. I am going to suspect that there were signs while you were dating - you either both quickly rushed into marriage after a short courtship or he saw other women unbeknownst to you.

 

I think you should go to personal counseling for yourself. He doesn't want to change, so I would simply just leave. Take steps to find out what is the best way for you to do so and do it. This is a losing proposition for you.

[aroud]

Sorry to hear about this. The fact that he is at a point where he's emotionally cheating and sees this as okay means that respect is lost. There is no way he respects you, and dare I say it, he does not love you either. From what you say he is pulling off some quite astonishing mental gymnastics to convince himself that the reasons for him emotionally cheating are your fault. He is claiming he is not responsible for his own actions, which is absurd.

 

Even when things go sour, you do have a choice over your standard of behaviour, and the level of respect you show people.

 

The lack of remorse suggests he resents you enough to feel as if you're not even worthy of an apology. I would have to agree with thealchemist that he has checked out. He is merely living with you, who he is not even treating as a friend. From what you say your status is beneath friend.

 

When somebody has checked out it is a mountain to climb.

 

Something that worries me about your post is that he is trying to tell you what is normal to justify what he is doing. You obviously know this is BS, so at some point you would do well to start believing in yourself and the standards you want for yourself in life. Do not bend your own mind, including your sense of morality, for this man a second longer.

 

I'll be honest and say if anybody treated me like that I'd be done, non-negotiable, and walk. You can try to save this but the guy is behaving so badly I personally wouldn't bother. You don't have kids together I assume, so consider yourself lucky. You can have a wonderful life ahead of you. Life is too short to put up with this level of BS. Is he a sociopath? Frankly who cares. You don't have to live like that.