Girlfriend Said I'm Boring, Did She Mean It?

[lBlessedl]

Typically my girlfriend and I are both really busy people with work so we hardly get time to do anything other than spend the night watching tv and movies or just talking all night until we fall asleep. I came over this weekend and I suggested a few things we could do and she wasn't necessarily interested in doing those things so I told her to think of something then and she just rolls over in bed and says I'm boring. It really offended me because I'm usually the only one who suggests going out and doing something she's the homebody who always wants to stay inside so I got angry and said if I'm so boring then why don't you just leave me. She ended up crying because she thought I was going to break up with her, which I feel terrible about and now she's taking it back saying she didn't mean it but I feel like there's some truth to what she said. At the same time though it's a two way street, I can't suggest everything we do and even when I try it seems like she doesn't put out any effort. I don't want to be a boring boyfriend I want to entertain her and keep her life interesting but it seems like such an uphill battle when I'm putting in so much effort with little in return. Any advice on he situation?

[glitterfingers]

Maybe what she was actually saying is you're not engaged enough in the relationship, though she cares about you clearly and doesn't want to leave. Even if you are suggesting things to do, if you're simply going through the motions of doing different activities trying to keep yourselves occupied, you may be losing the spark by not being emotionally and mentally present enough. When you and your partner find things to do, it isn't always a matter of which movie you should see or where you should go to eat... There has to be an element of bonding, connection and excitement that movies and restaurants don't necessarily bring (because let's face it, you can do those things with anyone).

 

Have you guys got joint hobbies like particular games you like to play or sports you like to take together? Are there any projects that you two have considered working on together or trips you might want to plan? You need to have things you're both passionate about and that you can share to help keep the spark alive.

 

Why don't you suggest taking a weekend away in a few weeks time and get her to help pick where you go and what you do?

[Iggy5129]

Seems like maybe she's projecting? From what you describe she's actually the boring one. Maybe she feels bad about herself and is taking it out on you and projecting her boringness on to you.