Johnnysd Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 Well I need advice. Girlfriend and I have been together for 4 months but they have been incredible. She was previously married for 10 years . Seperated for a few and officially divorced for a few months. Has children with the ex. I understood before we started dating that the daddy was out of the Picture based on his actions and being an absent father. I am extremely bothered by both of their actions now. I have a really good relationship with the children but now I think on purpose he's trying to come around knowing that she has a boyfriend and i'm around his children. When is the line crossed when he hangs out in her home when he wants to see the kids?? How my supposed to feel? Especially when we are supposed spend time together and it's affected when he's around. I I have not truly expressed myself to her in fear that it will hurt our relationship. She has to know I'm bothered by it correct? Or do I sort of back off and not mention anything because he is the father of their children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starlight925 Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 He is crossing boundaries. He should be coming over, discussing children issues with her, and taking off. You are right to suspect that he is purposely spending time there because he knows you are there. Some could say that he wants to make sure his kids are safe around you, and that's a real probability. But it seems that you are sensing it's more than that, and at some point, you should definitely talk with her. Once he's made sure you are a safe guy to have around his kids, he needs to book it on out once he drops the kids off. Anything more than that, and it's invasive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 I can see where you're coming from, however, she made a poor choice by introducing you to her children in this short amount of time, and especially after being a few months out from a divorce,(imo). I understand this wasn't your question, but her children need time to adapt to a new way of life. In short, my guess this is all about getting involved with someone who needs the time to heal, and is not ready for a relationship at this time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnydanger Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 Stuff like this is exactly why I personally don't like getting involved with divorced women who have kids. I find it easier to hook up with them initially, and I have had a couple of chances recently, but I always back out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnnysd Posted June 4, 2017 Author Share Posted June 4, 2017 I definitely didn't see us getting introduced so soon but we hit it off so well. I normally would not get involved with someone who has been married before but it happens I can see where you're coming from, however, she made a poor choice by introducing you to her children in this short amount of time, and especially after being a few months out from a divorce,(imo). I understand this wasn't your question, but her children need time to adapt to a new way of life. In short, my guess this is all about getting involved with someone who needs the time to heal, and is not ready for a relationship at this time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnnysd Posted June 4, 2017 Author Share Posted June 4, 2017 We don't live together for one. I can agree on making sure his kids are around someone he can trust since I am a father of a 13 year old and my baby mama is married now and moved on. I also feel like she's not being honest and telling him that I AM involved with the kids and a real probability of us getting married. I feel like its disrespectful to me allowing him to hang out at the house with the kids and getting comfortable. Is that selfish of me ? I don't want the kids to get confused. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rezie Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 Communicate with your partner. Tell her how it makes you feel. Find a solution together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnnysd Posted June 4, 2017 Author Share Posted June 4, 2017 I don't want to come off as controlling or selfish of my needs. Does that make sense? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iggy5129 Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 It takes 2 years to get over a divorce and figure out the logistics of custody and all that. I've been there. She is not ready to date no matter what she says. A few months after a 10 year marriage with children is nothing, even if they were separated for a while. She needs a lot more time. You're just her transition guy (look it up). You will have a drama filled relationship, she'll realize she wasn't ready and you will be dumped. I've learned the hard way that you should not date divorced people unless it's been 2 years or more. I dated one guy who was still just separated, it was a disaster. Now I'm dating a guy who has been divorced for 5 years and gone to therapy for it and dated a few women after. He is normal and no drama in our relationship. This will not end well for you and you're going to hurt the children. Even my psycho divorced guy had the sense to not introduce me to his children. And she's talking about getting married to you after 4 months?!? Classic rebound behavior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 She was lying that he's totally out of the picture. If he was, he wouldn't know she was dating. He is in the picture = but she just in the beginning only had you around when it wasn't his days with the kids. So please step waaaay back. Do not see her children again. Period. I would break it off. But if you are insistent - then just DATE her. Meet her at the movies without kids in tow and if she brings them - leave. Pick her up and take her on a date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnnysd Posted June 4, 2017 Author Share Posted June 4, 2017 I am now completely confused, lots of different answers and suggestions. My deepest fear about this is getting my heart broken, I don't think I can take it. I have put in all the effort in this relationship. What do you do when your partners completely stressed out in life and shut you out of her problems? I'm trying to be there for her and support her but I also feel like she's not putting enough trusted me to help her through stressful times. The ex-husband thing just fuels the fire. Yes I know it's only been four months but when you know you know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImYoPusher Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 Is there some reason he can't have his visitation at his house? Is it really necessary for him to be supervised? A better question is, is it court ordered? He definitely doesn't need to be at her house to see his kids. This is something I discussed with my bf very early on. I personally don't trust the man having to come to the ex females house to see the kids. That said, he's got every right to see his kids. But I'd definitely discuss where these visits take place. Hopefully your gf isn't one of those baby mamas that insist on dictating everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnnysd Posted June 5, 2017 Author Share Posted June 5, 2017 I will never stop him from seeing his kids and neither will she, I just think it should be as simple as picking them up and taking them somewhere. The kids will get confused with two different men spending time with them .not court order d on visitation or anything like that. we both work a lot and there are times she needs to ask him To pick up kids from school or what not. I don't trust him at all. Do I trust her...... yes but I don't want her to be on a situation where he tries to pull something and makes things awkward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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