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What should I do to maxamize my options of getting back with my ex


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My ex and I have been together for 8 years. Our relationship was great for maybe the first 7. The past year has been a hell hole. I don't exactly want to give details of what went wrong in specific situations, but he said he has absolutley no feelings for me anymore. He wanted to stay my friend at first but I made the mistake of begging for him to get back with me over and over and over. He now can fully see that i'll never get over him and he doesn't want to even be my friend right now. At this point I have decided to stop talking to him and give him all the space away from me that he could possibly want.


In 10 weeks there is a huge event we both bought tickets for with friends. It's not refundable. So chances are i'll be driving down to this event with him and our friend and all of us staying in a hotel room together. I want this event to be my chance to pull out all the aces and get him to be head over heels for me.


I'm sure he's turned off completely from my begging but he also hated the downward spiral my life was headed in. I haven't been able to keep a job for like 6 months now. I left the hotel job I was at for 3 years and I just asked them if I could come back and they said yes. So soon i'll be starting back there again hopefully for a long while. I've been in a good amount of debit for awhile. After I start working i'm going to save for the lawyer fees and file bankruptcy and get out of debit and then finally start saving money. There were other things he had an issues with that I have issues with too. For example my impulsive behavior, my cavity filled teeth giving me bad breath, my weight, not finishing college, etc. I'm getting my butt in gear and doing absolutely everything I can to better myself in ever way. Even learning how to drive which I know he would be proud of.


Aside from getting my life together and becoming a better person and just leaving him alone what else can I do to ensure that in 10 weeks I have the best chance of getting back together with him?

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Without us knowing what exactly happened to bust up the relationship aside from your life derailing, it's really hard to see what chance you have (if you have one at all).


General rules include playing it super cool when you do see him, even it happens earlier than you're expecting or if you suddenly get the urge to reach out. Low Contact may be the way to go here, or if you can't handle yourself No Contact for a while. Further, don't completely change who you are. Change what you're doing if it's not good or could be better, but don't try to "become a better person". Instead, become the best version of you that you can be...the person he fell in love with.

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Ha that's what other people have been telling me. "Be the best person you can be". I feel like if I do that and become confident and love myself he'll see who he originally fell in love with.


Basically the past year he's gone after 3 different girls. 1st one was a girl he claimed he love since before we were together. He confessed to her and she rejected all his feelings. Eventually they stopped talking and he moved on. After She denied his feelings he started confiding in a girl online about everything. They wold talk non-stop all day. He only gets to see her once a year but I got really jealous. It caused a lot of arguments. A brief break up. Then we moved past it. Now girl number 3 came into the picture which was the worst one yet. He said she was exactly like the first girl except she reciprocated his feelings. I told him to go get everything out of his system with her. I wasn't prepared for what would have happened. They coordinated lies about what they were doing. My ex came clean to me about him cheating on me for her over a 3 day span. I forgave him and the girl though. After that we were off and on in the relationship for maybe 6 weeks until in finally ended for real a week ago. And that's the story.

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I also talked to a mutual friend just now and he said I let my ex down in a lot of ways with broken promises. That there were a lot of things he wanted to do with me in the future but I kept effing it up by quitting jobs and stupidly spending money. I think that if I can be the best person I can be that maybe I could fix things? I hope it's not too late.

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The past year has been a hell hole. he said he has absolutley no feelings for me anymore. He wanted to stay my friend at first but I made the mistake of begging for him to get back with me over and over and over. he doesn't want to even be my friend right now.

When I read the above, I don't hold out much hope for him coming back. Sounds like too much damage has been done and he's over it. Even if you did get back together again, I don't think things will ever be the same again. Ever. All you can do is learn from your mistakes and do better in the future.

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That's an awfully long time to be with someone and not have progressed into marriage or engagement. Anyways, your main focus isn't getting him back right now but to get your life together. He will not want you back even if you act nonchalant in front of him because you're still you, with the same problems. 10 weeks is not enough time to change. He should not be your motivation to change because if he comes back, you'll go back to your old self again.


You want him to come begging for you to come back? Then start going to the gym to lose weight, start working and finish college, save some money for a makeover including fixing your teeth. Cavities are not expensive to fix at all. You'll be a new person and you'll probably not even care to have him back because you can get someone better by then. Someone that will respect you and start a new beginning with.


Edit: just skimmed over your post about him cheating on you, for sure never take him back when you do upgrade yourself. I would kick him to the curb and avoid him like the plague. But you probably need to work on your self esteem before you actually have the courage to do that.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm in a similar position. Ex bf ended our relationship 2 months ago saying he "lost feelings" and it hurts like hell. On Christmas he bought us concert tickets to see one of our favorite artists in July and just like you, I was really looking forward to this event. I wanted to show him how much I changed and I wanted to remind him how much fun we can have together. Well to my surprise he texted me last week and I asked him if he was still coming with me to the concert and he said nope. Don't keep hurting yourself, try to move on and if he comes back then great if he doesn't, his loss. I totally understand what you're going though and it hurts very much, I still hold on to the hope one day we'll be together again but as each day passes the pain lessens. Stay strong!

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