Pretzel Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 Hi everyone, I haven't posted on here for relationship advice for a while because things have been going great the last few months and now there has been a bump, I am looking for answers. I would really like to have some perspectives on the issue of space in a relationship. So, just to quickly summarise the last few months: I moved out of my parents place, settled into a new flat, have been really happy and able to do a lot more relationship-wise, and a few weeks ago the 'I love you' finally came after 7 months! And since then I've felt really secure in the relationship and stopped picking on small things because I've felt so fulfilled. Except until last night / this morning. We had planned to go for a potential one or two night get away maybe an hour or two out of the city. He talked about it during the week - it was his idea. But something we had talked about for a very long time, but never set a date. And on Wednesday he was saying we should do it on the weekend. So I said sure, but also added 'hey didn't you also want to get out of town by yourself for a bit too? I think you should do that, it's important'. And he said 'yes I would like to do that, but I can do that when you're away with your family in a couple of weeks. So I was like okay cool. Then Friday after work comes - and by the way he'd generally been very distant all day anyway but I didn't think anything of it - and I asked him and the plan is. He said: I took your advice and decided to get away and see David in the countryside this weekend, I'll take some alone time. He made no apologies for cancelling our tentative plans but as he's been under a lot of work & family stress lately I decided not to say anything. But he did say: Want to hang out this evening? I said sure. I can leave in the morning before you go. So I did that, and he was so so so so different to the last few months that I could not understand it. He was less engaged, hardly asking me anything, less interested, distinctively less affectionate. I drank a lot my after work drinks so I crashed out pretty early, and thought that things will be better in the morning. But they were not. The more time that went by, the more I felt that he didn't want me to be there. His whole persona was also really different from usual. He usually puts on a podcast every single morning that he listens to while showering and eating breakfast, and I listen to with him when I'm there. He's usually at his absolute most affectionate in the mornings. This morning was different. He was dead silent, no podcast, wouldn't even look at me, let alone talk to me. It was so weird. I kept asking him what's up. He said: nothing. And i kept pressing him for a better answer: nothing, I'm just processing the week. And I'd call him out on him behaving differently and all he could say is: I just don't have an answer for you. And he also seemed to be irritated by the fact that I was asking him, which hurt my feelings because I thought I deserved a better explanation than what he was giving me for being so distant the last 24 hours for no reason at all. I realised that I wasn't getting anywhere with asking him this, so I decided to leave. He said before I left: 'I love you, I just need time alone sometimes. Maybe more than most people need time alone.' I told him that is fine, but it's the poor communication which i find hurtful. He had nothing to say. I texted him later on explaining again that I felt really disheartened by how he's been and 'is it that hard to just communicate with me'. He said that he's trying and that I shouldn't make it a big deal 'it's nothing i promise, trust me'. And: 'Can you just give me a few days, and everything will be fine?' Now, this is what worries me. Who needs a FEW DAYS of alone time? And he's done such a U-turn for how eager he has been (consistently eager) to see me all the time and involve me in his life and consult me on everything. And now suddenly for no real reason he's just deciding he wants to be alone for a few days and not explaining what that means (do we just stop calling and texting each other for a few days?). In the end I wrote him a very long message to explain that I'd like us in the future to be better about communicating with one another about when we need space instead of hurting each other's feelings. I said 'we' instead of 'you' to make it sound less accusatory. And I also pointed out that I was disappointed that he cancelled our weekend trip so late minute. He wrote back: 'That was inconsiderate of me. I'm sorry. I love you.' And although we ended it there and I thanked him for listening, I have to say that I'm still feeling worried and disappointed by how he acted and the fact that he has the potential to flip 180 without me expecting it, I just don't know what to make of it and it really puts a damper on everything. And I also don't like the fact that he can act like that and just say 'sorry' and expect it to fix everything. Of course, I'd rather an apology and him getting it than not, but why am I still feeling hurt by this episode and thinking about it? Is it normal, or do I have an issue with not being able to let things go? He hasn't contacted me since this exchange in the morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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