LifeasMe Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 who does this??? I haven't seen my ex (2-year relationship) for two years. He broke up with me. After around 6-8 months complete NC, there's been sporadic texts where I've recently stopped being angry at him, he always initiates the conversation. The latter end of the relationship was long distance, he moved for work and has become really successful. I've refused all requests to meet when he's been back in town. During the course of text chat we talked about my holiday with my girlfriends. Months ago he jokingly asked if he could gatecrash, I said absolutely not. No more was said on the subject until the day before I'm due to fly out, he tells me he's booked to come too... same resort, same hotel, same dates. There was zero encouragement from me before this happened. Initial anger subsides, I decide to try and make the most of it for all parties. We meet for drinks, girlfriends tease and quiz him about dumping me, then leave us alone. During the chat he makes it clear I'm the ideal woman for him, I made him so happy blah blah... but he still can't be in a relationship. He's not been with anyone else in the time we've been apart. I had a casual 6 month relationship. He pays for me - and my girlfriends - for a few dinner and drinks dates, under duress on our part in terms of who pays, during his stay. But conversation turns sour on last group 'date', he sulks... he also ignored a few house rules we agreed at the start. My girlfriends are not best pleased and I have a heated discussion with him about his selfishness and lack of consideration. We decide not to part on a sour note and spend his last day alone together, with no relationship talk. Have a fabulous action-packed fun day. Now we're both upset. Mutual attraction still there, but he still can't commit to a relationship. There was no romantic interludes or sex during this holiday. Now we're both back in limbo. Feelings are back, I'm sad, he's upset he's made me sad. He flies home tomorrow, I've a few more days thankfully. He's agreed to see a therapist to sort out his issues... I'm just flummoxed. I don't even think I have a question, I just needed to vent. We're late 30s/mid 40s. You'd think we'd learn by now!!! Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 Wow, your ex sounds like a total tool who only wants what he wants and is a jerk if he doesn't get his way. Why would anyone want him to commit to them??? All that would mean is a constant struggle like the one you described where he pushes to get his own way all the time. Urgh, I would only advise going full NC and block him, so he can't just show up to ruin the fun in the future. I would also apologize profusely to your friends and do something nice for them once hes' out of the picture to keep the peace with them. Or next time they won't invite you. I'd already have tossed him out the door as it is and I don't even know the guy. People like him ruin good times for everyone, just saying. Sorry you had to go through that, but maybe it's a sign from on high this one needs to be out of your life for good. Link to comment
Ziggy123 Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 That is so ridiculous!! I agree who does that? So weird Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 It sounds like you walked right into that one. I'm not sure what your point is with feeding him information, as well as leaving an open door in order to communicate with him. I'm sure your friends were none too happy, and felt that this is not what they signed up for. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 Why would you tell him so much about your girl's trip that he would know the resort you were staying at, the time you were leaving, etc. While his boundaries stink, you *did* reveal way too much information. Also, once there, I would not have included him so readily - you basically rewarded him for gate crashing. I know you didn't have sex with him - but the fact that you included him was encouraging. Maybe he thought this was a grand gesture to win you back - but really - it smacks of boundary issues and i would worry about what he would do next. Link to comment
Iggy5129 Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 I feel bad for your friends. You let this guy ruin your girls trip with his drama. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 Did you really ditch your friends to hang out with him for an entire day?? Were your friends upset? And yeah, you did reward him for crashing your girls vacation. He knows he can do this again. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 What a complete waste of time. If you had blocked and gone NC, you would not have ended up where you are now. I hope you have finally learned and gone NC! I cannot believe you blew off your friends for this clown! Sh@tty thing to do! Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 I'm surprised you'd tell him when and where you were going. Big mistake on your part. He's a lout and a jerk and has more nerve than any 10 people to show up like that. Block this guy. If you decide not to block him, dont tell him of your vacation or any other plans. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 BTW, one of my exes tried and tried to crash my birthday party last year. I said no, and no and no again. He wasn't happy about it because he was fighting with his current girlfriend (who he dumped me for, incidentally) and wanted me to make him feel better with the added bonus of making her jealous. But I didn't back down. Of course, it was easy for me to say no to him because I don't want him back... Link to comment
LifeasMe Posted June 3, 2017 Author Share Posted June 3, 2017 Thanks all. Yup pretty much agree with everything. I'm friends with most of my exes, there's never been a 'bad' break up. I guess the difference with this one is the attraction is still there so friendship is not possible yet. And I'm questioning how innocent my chats with him about my vacation were. To shed light on my naivety, he always vacationed alone when we were together. Which made it even stranger why now he wanted my company. I didn't forget my friends though... they invited him to join us and encouraged me to spend time with him. I've a few more days vacation together with my girlfriends after he leaves. They're upset with him not me. It seems I've better sense when choosing my friends. Yes, definitely back to full NC. Thanks again all! Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 Thanks all. Yup pretty much agree with everything. I'm friends with most of my exes, there's never been a 'bad' break up. I guess the difference with this one is the attraction is still there so friendship is not possible yet. And I'm questioning how innocent my chats with him about my vacation were. To shed light on my naivety, he always vacationed alone when we were together. Which made it even stranger why now he wanted my company. I didn't forget my friends though... they invited him to join us and encouraged me to spend time with him. I've a few more days vacation together with my girlfriends after he leaves. They're upset with him not me. It seems I've better sense when choosing my friends. Yes, definitely back to full NC. Thanks again all! Exes are not entitled to the details of our lives Link to comment
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