Still devastated over ex contacted him after 3 months?

[lovehel]

While he was in Italy on holiday with his mom who always a burden on our relationship, he told me he wanted to move out with me, and take the next step, I was hopeful. A week later he calls me telling me he has decided to move to Italy for good, that he wants to have a family there, and tried to convince me to go, he said he was going anyway, and that one day I will understand. I don't have the language, and am still in college, instead of supporting me through that and waiting a few years, he made the decision without me. I was extremely let down, hurt, felt betrayed to a certain degree that after 6 years, he could do this, walk away so easily. When he got back I ended up avoiding him for 2 days, saying I was busy with college stuff etc...cause I was so hurt and had no idea what to say or how to handle it. He was sending me texts saying how I don't care, what kind of love is this etc...blaming me. I ended up losing my patience, telling him the way you treated me was a joke, I am not a dog who follows someone to a country, you didn't have the decency to even discuss this with me etc...I was expressing my hurt through text because I was so angry and couldn't bring myself to see him. He ended up saying "I am done with you" instead of it sinking in, I went on the defense and said that was obvious the minute you made your decision. He said good luck with your small life you small person. That was hurtful, and I didn't see the reason behind such a horrible ending and hurtful ending text. That was it.

 

For some reason 3 months on of no contact, but I was still pining for this person to be back in my life, and was completely stuck in my life, even with counseling, it was just helping me cope by not falling into a serious depression, but still I haven't got the feeling to live my life back. This massive painful void was left in my life and nothing or nobody could take it away. I saw last month he created playlists on youtube with all these sad love songs, saying I wish she would come back around etc...one song even had my name in it. I thought wow he does have a heart, he does care. I did think maybe if I just reached out things would be okay. I decided I had enough of this, and came across blogs on forgiveness, and apologies etc...I thought maybe this would do the trick. After getting advice on here, I thought the way I handled it wasn't correct, and I should have met in person, and dealt with it properly. I end up breaking contact.

 

I sent him a message on whatsapp:

"Hi this is Lauren. I know it has been a while, but I am saddened by the way things happened between us. I wanted to apologize for my part and the way I handled the situation regarding your decision with Italy. Anyway, hope you are doing well."

 

He replies "who's this?

oh hi, thanks"

 

I reply " It's Lauren, You are welcome, take care"

 

He replies " take care"

 

I then say this to which I got no response " It would have been nice if you offered an apology back for your part, but I wasn't expecting one. It seems you don't care. Either way I have forgiven you, wishing you well".

 

The coldness and indifference of his responses really got to me,how could the person I loved with every fiber of my being just not bother to even ask how I am, not care to see me before they move country. I can see he is online all the time, yet can't take the time to respond to last my message. I just can't get over how he is happy being strangers for the rest of our lives. The past 6 years were a lie it seems, because if he cared or loved me how could he treat me like this. I just want to take this pain away, I can't bear it. Constantly have this sick feeling in my stomach, and emotionally drained. I feel I just made it ten times worse reaching out, stupidly thinking it would help.

 

I don't need anyone saying what a stupid mistake or something, I already feel bad enough. I would appreciate some advice, or help or something.

[boltnrun]

Well, now you know you can freely move on with your life and no longer have to chain yourself to him.

 

Side note, your last text was accusatory and not one that I would have responded to either.

[Tomthumb88]

Don't beat yourself up, you were acting reasonably. I think that some people find it easier to hide behind a wall of indifference rather they face the pain and hurt their actions have caused.

[lovehel]

Thanks for your response. I know I shouldn't have sent that last text but I was p*ssed and rightfully so as far as I am concerned, I didn't treat him anywhere near as bad as he did me. It took a lot of strength and courage to send that text after 3 months of him not bothering to reach out, and his indifference really got to me. I believe he is a crappy person, and his lack of response proved that to me, so I stuck it to him