Friends Won't Hang Around Another Friend

[Poppins]

Hello. This is my first post here, I just created this account because I was looking to get some advice and a stranger's thought about a problem I'm having.

 

About 6-7 years ago my SO and I met a couple and we became friends, lets call them Cole and Nadia. The couple had marital issues and split up. On a drunken beach trip weekend Cole and another friend of ours Melissa started a physical relationship which didn't last long after the beach weekend.

 

Several months after that, this was 5 years ago, Cole met a sweet girl named Belinda and they ended up getting married. Yay.

 

However, Cole and Belinda will not attend any parties, dinners, or gatherings if Melissa will be attending. Apparently Belinda feels awkward around her as her now husband slept with this woman 5 years ago for about a week.

 

Last summer this caused such a huge rift in our friendship that we didn't see Belinda for months (this is a couple we hang out with 2-4 times a week typically).

 

I've tried talking to Belinda about this (she's mainly the issue), and she refuses to get past this. (Belinda is now 28, Melissa and Cole both roughly 37).

 

Any advice? My birthday party is tonight, Melissa said she will try to stop by later and Cole just text messaged me saying he and Belinda won't be attending if Melissa will be here.

[melancholy123]

Belinda needs to grow up and stop acting like a teenager. Too bad nobody but herself can make her mature. I say invite all the people you want to attend and if someone doesnt want to see a certain person, they can stay home. You cant really uninvite anyone.

[agent1607307371]

Belinda and Cole don't value your friendship.

 

What they're trying to do is push Melissa out of your friendship group. It's a juvenile, disresoectful way to behave. Let them go.

[Starlight925]

Yeah, Belinda & Cole are being ridiculous. It's not like Cole is still seeing Melissa, or even has seen her, in years.

 

So Cole was never supposed to have slept with anyone prior to Belinda?

[Poppins]

Thanks for the quick replies! What you all have said is how I feel. I invited someone my husband used to sleep with to our wedding. He picked me, not her; that's what I've tried to get through to Belinda but she seems to not understand it.

[Starlight925]

I spend time with my boyfriend's family, which includes his ex-wife, the mother of his children. Many, many times, and all are nice, cordial, and friendly. In fact, I just told him yesterday that I like her more each time I see her.

 

I did just post yesterday about some other exes of his who continue to insert themselves and cross boundaries, and no, I don't like that. But someone he was with years ago? It would be ridiculous for me to have a problem with that.

[catfeeder]

I'd respect the couple's limitations rather than attempt to manipulate them into doing what they obviously don't want to do. If you like them enough, create opportunities to see them separately from your other friend. Everyone has the right to decline an invitation, and nobody 'owes' us compliance with our guest lists or choices of friends FOR them.

[Jibralta]

I'd respect the couple's limitations rather than attempt to manipulate them into doing what they obviously don't want to do. If you like them enough, create opportunities to see them separately from your other friend. Everyone has the right to decline an invitation, and nobody 'owes' us compliance with our guest lists or choices of friends FOR them.

 

That's true. I think it's silly that Belinda has this hang-up, but if she and Cole are willing to come out on occasions where Melissa is not there, it's really no big deal. If they want to have that limitation placed on their activities, it's their problem.