saraaaa Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 Last night, I ended things with my boyfriend. Since then, I haven't stopped crying and I've vomited multiple times. I thought I was doing the right thing but if I feel this way, did I make a mistake? I miss him so much. How am I supposed to go from talking to him every day to nothing at all? He was perfect. Everything I could ever want in a person. He was caring, compassionate, passionate, hilarious, attractive, positive and he loved me. I loved him too. But in the past week and a half I noticed this feeling I had. It was like a pit in my stomach every time someone brought up his name. I suddenly dreaded hanging out with him, once I was with him I was fine, but leading up to was miserable. When someone brought his name up, I got defensive and closed off. I felt this constant guilt and regret to the point where I started to have panic attacks. I couldn't live like that. But when I wasn't thinking, I could see a future with him. In perfect picture, clear as day. 3 days ago, I attempted to break up the first time. I had everything written out and was prepared. I was crying but I knew it was right. For the next day and a half, he fought so hard for me. I gave him every reason why not to and he gave me every reason why we should keep going. I caved but then that regret and guilt started seeping back in. I couldn't. So I ended it. For good. His last message to me was a message about everything he ever wanted to tell me but he couldn't. That message nearly killed me. I sobbed uncontrollably until my head was pounding and my eyes were nearly swollen shut. I vomited 5 times that night. This morning I woke up crying. My dreams are filled with him. I looked at my phone for a good morning text but then I completely remembered what happened. I cried some more. Did I make a mistake? Has anyone been through something similar? Advice? Please please please share. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 There seems to be no clear reason for your break-up. What happened 1.5 weeks ago that triggered your anxiety? Have you ever suffered panic attacks before? Link to comment
saraaaa Posted June 2, 2017 Author Share Posted June 2, 2017 I've never had anxiety or panic attacks before this. I honestly don't know what triggered it. I suddenly just felt overwhelmed with the relationship and I just kept getting this feeling that this wasn't right. I tried to work through it but it progressively got worse. Link to comment
saraaaa Posted June 2, 2017 Author Share Posted June 2, 2017 There seems to be no clear reason for your break-up. What happened 1.5 weeks ago that triggered your anxiety? Have you ever suffered panic attacks before? I've never had anxiety or panic attacks before this. I honestly don't know what triggered it. I suddenly just felt overwhelmed with the relationship and I just kept getting this feeling that this wasn't right. I tried to work through it but it progressively got worse. Link to comment
Miastar Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 I think a week and a half isn't enough time to work through something and get to the root of it... perhaps try counselling to allow you to explore your feelings with a professional? Link to comment
saraaaa Posted June 2, 2017 Author Share Posted June 2, 2017 I think a week and a half isn't enough time to work through something and get to the root of it... perhaps try counselling to allow you to explore your feelings with a professional? I don't have the resources or money for that. That's why I'm here. Link to comment
WombatShadow Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 This could be your gut shouting that things aren't as perfect as your conscious mind thinks they are. It could, on the other hand, be your mind overthinking things. Ask your ex if he'll take you back with the caveat that you are going to do some therapy or counseling to figure out what's going on. You don't want to jerk him around, but if you really love him and he really loves you the two of you need to get this worked out. Link to comment
beternal Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 Yeah, honestly it sounds like you made a mistake. Your relationship actually seems perfect, but I've had this situation too in the past and sometimes there's no clear reason for it. From what I've seen personally, it is generally a result of a combination of factors: -Fear of commitment/future... this perfect person, realising this *could* be the last person you're with, settling down, not being ready etc etc -Fear of perfection... amazing person but being worried that you're not good enough for them -Peer pressure/ privacy issues... friends asking you, talking about them but not being ready to share (possibly being ashamed of them?) -Laziness!... Things are amazing when you're together but it's just the willpower and effort to go TO them You need to think LONG AND HARD about the exact reasons you did this, and then try to work out whether your actions were justifiable. But do it sooner rather than later and make 100% sure you have it straight in your head because if you take too long, he won't want you back, but if you rush back out of fear and then realise you *should* have broken up with him, that's hurting him even more... hurting you both even more.... Link to comment
saraaaa Posted June 2, 2017 Author Share Posted June 2, 2017 One thing you should probably know is I'm still in high school and he just graduated. I mean this probably isn't the last person I'll be with but it doesn't make it hurt any less. He deserves more than what I can give him. Link to comment
WombatShadow Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 You can probably seek counseling from your school, at least during the school year. Could this fear be related to the fact that he won't be around at school anymore? Link to comment
saraaaa Posted June 2, 2017 Author Share Posted June 2, 2017 You can probably seek counseling from your school, at least during the school year. Could this fear be related to the fact that he won't be around at school anymore? We talked about that at length. I've come to terms with it. I don't think that's it. Link to comment
beternal Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 One thing you should probably know is I'm still in high school and he just graduated. I mean this probably isn't the last person I'll be with but it doesn't make it hurt any less. He deserves more than what I can give him. I think you just found the reason why with what you said there... it;s your insecurities that broke you up, not any fault of his. Get over these and you'll be set! And yes, it's easy to find other people... but are you already thinking about that? Have you already given up on him? Other people might not say this but you have to sort this out now. If these insecurities persist, you'll just keep doing this to guys *I love him but I'm not good enough for him, maybe I should dump him*. That's playing with people's feelings. This might be hard for you to believe but he might actually love you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE! - people with insecurities rarely acknowledge that, they always ask *HOW can anyone love me*...without believing that some people *DO* actually love you. Link to comment
saraaaa Posted June 2, 2017 Author Share Posted June 2, 2017 What you said makes sense. But, everyone in my life seems to think I made the right choice. I'm more confused than ever. The last thing I want to do is string him along while I deal with myself. Plus, even if I wanted him back I doubt he'd still want me. Link to comment
saraaaa Posted June 2, 2017 Author Share Posted June 2, 2017 and a thought also crossed my mind is that, isn't this the inevitable? A heartbreak? Wouldn't it be easier now then down the line? Link to comment
beternal Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 and a thought also crossed my mind is that, isn't this the inevitable? A heartbreak? Wouldn't it be easier now then down the line? Only if you don't love him. If you do (and he loves you) then this could have gone the distance. Or maybe this is your defense mechanism. Dump before they have a chance to dump you... even if they might never have dumped you, better to not risk it right? Link to comment
saraaaa Posted June 2, 2017 Author Share Posted June 2, 2017 Only if you don't love him. If you do (and he loves you) then this could have gone the distance. Or maybe this is your defense mechanism. Dump before they have a chance to dump you... even if they might never have dumped you, better to not risk it right? Maybe I didn't love him. Only the idea of him. Link to comment
beternal Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 Maybe I didn't love him. Only the idea of him. If that's true then if you cared for him at all, never speak to him again because that would be cruel. He obviously liked you. Link to comment
LaHermes Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 "I don't have the resources or money for that. That's why I'm here." Regardless, OP, there are no psychotherapists on here. "Here" is fine, and people will give kindly opinions and advice. But not professional help. Link to comment
Lostinlove31 Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 Maybe I didn't love him. Only the idea of him. Wow... that's heartbreaking. Hate to ask but what is your relationship with your father like and how are other relationships in your past? Link to comment
Woah93 Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 Weird I'm having the same issue, on paper, and the way I see it my relationship is perfect and I love her so much, but feel this dread and guilt/anxiety when her name comes up or people ask how things are doing I get closed off. I don't know why this is, and I don't want to end it, but the thought is creeping in. I know that it will absolutely break her and me, and I don't want to, but why this feeling of dread, guilt, anxiety... it's weird. I wonder what this is but it's excruciating carrying this inside Link to comment
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