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new feelings for an old crush


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so, I had been friends with this boy for a while, he was a year older. I only ever really saw him as a friend, we would always talk to eachother in a friendly way at parties etc. However about a year ago now I noticed a change in the way he acted around me, I hadn't seen him for a while and when I did he seemed to bring up deeper conversations with me, and flirt a lot. Although I noticed it I never really realised I had feelings for him too, and to be honest I was never fully sure he could for me. Anyway, about a month went by when I didn't see him again (we were friends from two social groups that had house parties together) the next party he was there and he immediately came up to me and started a conversation. obviously being myself and over thinking everything, I still haven't forgotten the last time I saw him and how differently he had acted, so seeing him again brought up a series of emotions I didn't realise I had, I think at this point I had started to like him. Cut a long night short I ended up alone with him and we had a deep conversation about feelings etc he telling me he always thought I was pretty blah blah blah. At this point I was confused as to where our friendship was going but also worried that maybe he was just trying to use me. After a long talk and some alcohol and I ended up kissing him - for a quite a while. He asked me to stay over with him at this friends house we were at and he'd drive me home the next morning. but I became a little frightened that he'd want more so I decided to leave. I didn't see him again for about three weeks. And when I did it was awkward. Although he's still flirt with me I hadnt had enough time to decide how I felt about him and get to know him more before I knew, but not long after this I find out he is speaking to another girl, she was 1 year younger than me, they end up dating. From then on seeing him and her together was hard for me, I didn't realise exactly how much I liked him until I saw them together if that makes sense. But I put him to the back of my mind and forgot about the whole situation ( although this was sad because I also felt like I had lost a friendship). time passed maybe six months and every time I'd see him I'd speak to his friends but we would intentionally ignore eachother, it was very awkward. Me and the girl were not friends although I knew off her , she instantly took a dislike to me although I was almost 100% sure that she didn't know that we used to be "a thing" or as our friends would call it. anyway I dealt with the awkwardness and carried on speaking to other lads, always holding these feelings in when I saw him ( how pathetic does that make me look haha). this year I turned 18, therefore I started going out, he being older than me he always was out with his friends in our local town, his girlfriend a year younger than me cannot yet go out. So seeing him out on his own was much more bearable for me. But I still kept my distance. Anyway not long ago I was out on a night out with my friends and he walks towards me, he starts a conversation with me and I didn't know what to say really bearing in mind we hadn't spoken properly for around 8 months. I was polite and smiley etc but walked away. Then, I noticed he was following me around , trying to get my attention , asking me about my birthday, my recent holiday etc being funny and cheeky as he always was. I decided that I can be fine to be friends again with him to I spoke back whenever I saw him on nights out from then on. THEN HE DID IT AGAIN, honestly tell me if I'm wrong but he just changed. It started off as flirty banter but the said things like "I know you still fancy me" "if you had only stayed that one night and not pied me things would be so different now" , "have you got over me yet" - too all I replied with witty and sarcastic replies, how am I supposed to stand there and tell him that I do still like him even thought he's a head and is in another relationship. There was this one time when I was leaving a bar and he ran up to me and told me to come to the cash point with him, I said no, and he cheekily pushed me in the direction with him ( he didn't force me , if you get me). I was moaning about my heals And how he's made me walk all the way over to the cash point 😂🙄, and then he says "we'll get on my back then" I was like - I think it's probobly best if I don't do that because your girlfriend already doesn't like me , and he was like no no get on, I was drunk so I did and I fell off two seconds later but the point is the flirty banter was back. He said things like "I'm in a relationship but I wish I was a bachelor" we just had such good drunk conversations like we used to have that these feelings for him have come back to hit me - and I just don't know what to do. To be honest I can see that he may just be a very flirty guy in general and that we can just retain this friendship, but I just don't know what to do. Am I best distancing myself to stop these feelings? He's just all I can think about and it kills me that I can't have him ... I just need some advice. Thankyou

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