sc1234 Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 So me and this guy have been on and off in a long distance relationship for 8 months now. During those 3 months he has asked for space 3 times already. Funny cause he would do something to intentionally make me upset, which would make me go crazy on him, and end up with me apologizing. A week ago, this happened again and he asked for space for a week...I was extremely fustrated so i asked to take the day to think and cool off. I msged him the next day begging , asking him for forgiveness and asked to make it work. he said he hope we can, but that he was in a meeting and that he would msg me later on that day. He went two days without msging me and even blocked me from seeing his instagram stories those days while he was ignoring me even though he wasnt doing anything wrong, just with family and guy friends. (my girlfriends told me since they have him on instagram and we put two and two togethe, it was confusing because he wasnt doing anything bad?) I let him be, never heard from him until the next day he called me but i didnt answer and just ended up being so frustrated from his silent treatment, ignoring me that I txted him telling him i couldnt do this anymore and that its done. I immediately blocked him from and off everything including his number, unblocked it the next day, where he asked for his bracelet back, i responded politely sayin no problem, ill get it back somehow, and he responded with "I never wanted this to happen, i guess things dont work out and maybe its for the best, not trying to start a conversation here but i needed to say that." I never responded and havent heard from him since...He has then followed all these girls on instagram ( i know to get my upset ) and yesterday made his insta account private. Im just left really confused right now... I've been reading up on narcism and he fits all of those traits / what he was doing to me. I just wish I knew if he just wanted control (which he has told me he wasnt used to not having it with me because I was different then all his exes), or if there was another girl this entire time? I just want him to feel the same hurt that I am going through as bad as that sounds. I know he was never expecting me to end it so abruptly and thought I would always be around when he gave me the silent treatment to come back to. I wish i knew if his silent treatment was either to control or to find ways to end it.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eidetic Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 There's so much to say about this -- but the first is that LDR is not the greatest way to have a relationship. It's a great way to have something resembling one, though, especially if one or both parties are for whatever reason emotionally unavailable. Don't read too much into that: it could just be that he was/is not vested in having a full relationship. With anyone. LDR is a wonderful platform for either party to say and be whatever is required to seem perfect. My big aha from the one that I was in is that if a person can't even show up as consistently terrific in the minutes and hours of daily LDR contact, it's not a good match. And texting, IMO, is the single best way to kill LDR. Doesn't matter who started that; it's just a lowly form of contact that doesn't require much effort, respect, warmth, or even skill. You deserve someone who gives well, and consistently. Take a breather and find a way to privately forgive this person in your heart. Cut all ties, give your best to yourself, and your next time out with someone you might think of loving, forbid texting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosephase Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 "Funny cause he would do something to intentionally make me upset, which would make me go crazy on him, and end up with me apologizing." What is the thing that he does that makes you intentionally upset? And what does your "crazy" going look like? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosephase Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 LDR is a wonderful platform for either party to say and be whatever is required to seem perfect. My big aha from the one that I was in is that if a person can't even show up as consistently terrific in the minutes and hours of daily LDR contact, it's not a good match. And texting, IMO, is the single best way to kill LDR. Doesn't matter who started that; it's just a lowly form of contact that doesn't require much effort, respect, warmth, or even skill. I'm in a great long distance relationship and we almost exclusively text. Our texts are full of warmth, humor and love. Writing isn't a lowly form of contact just because it doesn't work for you personally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sc1234 Posted June 1, 2017 Author Share Posted June 1, 2017 for example, at the begging he would get so mad at me for following/ liking guys pictures on instagram or whatever. I never cared at all! Until he would get mad at me , ignore me for a day or two because of it, but then he started randomly doing it, following girls so then I got mad that it was a double standard... with everything with him it was always icant do anything or else i get punished, but if he did, I would forgive and forget. So the last fight (before he said he needed space/time) I was working all day so i wasnt really texting him, I never heard from him either... then when i was done work at 9 pm i txted him, never heard back from him, then noticed he was following a random girl on instagram so i went crazy for him doing that and continuing to ignore me... He said he fell asleep at 7 pm ( dont believe it) , but clearly was on isntagram and ignoring me. So the next day I went a bit crazy to prove a point if i did that he would have ended things with me right then and there. Then it all got turned around on me, me appologizing and him saying he needs space/time... and then when i didnt hear from him for a couple days (he was ignoring me, blocking me from seeing his posts, for no reason), i ended it... It seems childish but i couldnt stand the double standard thats why i went crazy... which he has gone crazy on me SOOO MANY TIMES (one night i was out and he asked me why i was being sketch and wearing lipstick bc I wasnnt answering my phone bc it was charging). I would always reassure him and never told him i needed space (we dont even live i nthe same city) so Im wondering WHY he purposely followed that girl, KNOWING I would go crazy ??? It doesnt make sense to me and thats why im so confused!!!!! Was it because he wanted me to go crazy so he could end it/ have space to be with someone else, or was it just a control tactic? Its just confusing to me cause he purposely did it knowing a fight would break out then put the blame me saying he needed space. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosephase Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 Yikes. Look, neither of you are ready to be in a committed relationship. You are playing games with each other. You don't go "a bit crazy to prove a point". That isn't how you treat someone you care for. You don't play mind games. You don't ignore each other for "no reason". You don't do things to deliberately piss each other off. The way you treat each other it doesn't sound like you even like each other. Adult relationships aren't ones in which you are constantly fighting and breaking up with each other. Yes, he is being a jerk. But so are you. Why not leave instead of pretending to break up with him? Why not leave instead of going crazy to prove a point? Why not find someone you don't have to manipulate to get what you want? Because that is what you trying to do when you act that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eidetic Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 rosephase, "if a person can't even show up as consistently terrific in the minutes and hours of daily LDR contact, it's not a good match" -- clearly you both do and it is good. My opinion isn't meant to threaten or offend anyone else's experience or truth. Writing works for me. But it doesn't keep me warm at night, or run out for groceries, or drive the kids to school, and I don't get as much from texting as from, say, an in-person wordless embrace. For me the written exchange is a facet of relationship, but only that. Again, no offense or judgment meant: it's just a different perspective. sc1234: Some people will bait you into a fight to gain distance. It seems simple enough to just say what you need and why you need it, but some people never learn that. And others simply enjoy the electric charge they get from causing you to flip out. Don't be with a person like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sc1234 Posted June 1, 2017 Author Share Posted June 1, 2017 What? Im being a jerk? I think you have completely misunderstood me... I never did anything to make him upset, i would never ignored him, never broke up/space with him.. like i said HE would do things to PURPOSELY make ME upset (following that girl for example) like almost as if he WANTED me to go crazy.....and yeah in the heat of the moment when i realized he was ignoring me, i went a lil crazy its human nature. Pretneding to break up?? I sent him a txt a week ago and left him.. He was the one manipulating me, wanting breaks all the time to gain control probably.. He said he needed space when we dont even see eachother? It was the third time and I got sick of him doing it to me, i was an emotional wreck during his silent treatments and just couldnt take it anymore. I know he was not expecting for me to end it that becausae he always thought I would be there when he was ready to take me back. Like I said im confused as to WHY he purposely followed that girl (this is one example), KNOWING I would go crazy ??? Was it because he wanted me to go crazy so he could end it/ have space to be with someone else, or was it just a control tactic? Its just confusing to me cause he purposely did it knowing a fight would break out then put the blame me saying he needed space. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sc1234 Posted June 1, 2017 Author Share Posted June 1, 2017 I agree, its almost as if he loved the thrill of making me upset then loved the attention of me begging for him........and i dont understand why. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosephase Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 What? Im being a jerk? I think you have completely misunderstood me... I never did anything to make him upset, i would never ignored him, never broke up/space with him.. like i said HE would do things to PURPOSELY make ME upset (following that girl for example) like almost as if he WANTED me to go crazy.....and yeah in the heat of the moment when i realized he was ignoring me, i went a lil crazy its human nature. Pretneding to break up?? I sent him a txt a week ago and left him.. He was the one manipulating me, wanting breaks all the time to gain control probably...... I dont think you understood my story (he was the one being the jerk)... Like I said im confused as to WHY he purposely followed that girl (this is one example), KNOWING I would go crazy ??? Was it because he wanted me to go crazy so he could end it/ have space to be with someone else, or was it just a control tactic? Its just confusing to me cause he purposely did it knowing a fight would break out then put the blame me saying he needed space. You broke up with him when you wanted to still be with him to get him to react. That is being a jerk. Yes he is the BIGGER jerk. But you are childishly trying to manipulate him into treating you better. You went crazy to prove a point. That is being a jerk. You very well might not be a jerk. You are putting a lot of energy into trying to get him to treat you better. And your jerk-y-ness is coming out of desperation. But really... if you need to pretend to break up with someone to get a reaction out of them you shouldn't be in that relationship. He does this sh*t on purpose because the rollercoaster of feelings you are both going through is addictive. I assume that is why you stick it out. The highs and the lows, the fights, the make ups, the BIG FEELINGS. You aren't in a committed relationship with someone who loves and respects you. You are in drama dance with someone who loves to cha cha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sc1234 Posted June 1, 2017 Author Share Posted June 1, 2017 What??? Pretend to break up with him? I DID!!!!!! I blocked his number as soon as i txted him it was over? I havent talked to him since..... I sent that txt and blocked and deleted him from my life, so how is that wanting a reaction and going crazy?.... lol...I dont think you are understanding, I went crazy after he followed that girl, where he did it to purposely hurt my feelings, he got mad said he neeeded space, i gave it to him for a couple days then I sent that text that it was over (imemdiately blocked him after to NOT get a response) because I couldnt deal with him ignoring/ treating me like all the time anymore....I had to end it and be done with it because everyday he was making me sad with the constant hot and cold and silent treatment, one day he would be nice and another he would be a different person........ How am i pretending to break up with him? that is OVER AND DONE WITH! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosephase Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 Sorry. I did see that you had actually ended it. Forgive me for seeing a pattern of breaking up and getting back together and assuming that you weren't really done. Good for you. That is the healthy reaction to a partner purposefully doing things to hurt your feelings. Good job standing up for yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sc1234 Posted June 1, 2017 Author Share Posted June 1, 2017 No problem, I know its over... Im just upset and confused still after the break up because I dont understand why he purposely did that (following that random girl) knowing it would make me upset....he wanted me to go crazy obviously right? So now im wondering was it for the attention cause i didnt really talk to him at all that day (was at work) or did he do it to make me go crazy for a reason to end it? He never said it was over, just that he needed space. But i couldnt deal with it anymore (3rd time in 8 months in a LDR).. he wouldnt have a mature conversation with me about my feelings, instead he would disreguard them ignore me and everyhting was my fault ........ even though he was the one who caused the fight in the first place, clearly wanting me to go crazy........... I dont understand why he wanted me to crazy on him all the time, it doesnt make sense to me and now i am left confused because i have no answers. I unblocked his number a couple of days ago and he told me he never wanted this... I have remained strong and have not answered him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 If it's over, why unblock him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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