Need some FWB advice

[Mr anonymous]

Heyy everyone. So I met this girl thru Tinder I'd say 3-4 months ago and we were both clear that neither wanted a relationship. So after a few weeks of talking thru text we went out for drinks and a really fancy restaurant.

 

Fast forward to now, I've spent countless nights at her place, after hours of amazing sex we end up cuddling the night away, we go on fancy dates to classy restaurants, we even ing hold hands in public.

 

We text each other everyday just to chat, I'm straight up confused at this point because I've realized I've fallen head over heels for this person. However as much as I think the feeling is mutual, she was still clear she wasn't ready for any kind if commitment.

 

I don't want to say anything and blow something amazing. So I think I need to take a few steps back.

 

Anyways I realize that I must come clean and say how I feel. So I wrote some stuff down in my phone and I was wondering if you guys could take a read and give me some advice and if I should send it or not. It's a bit long so bare with me. So here it goes :

 

Heyy, I need to get something off my chest.

I don't think I'm able to do whatever it is we're doing anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed and savored every minute we spent together.

The problem is everytime I get to see you it's getting harder and harder for me to say goodbye.

I catch myself thinking about you most of the day, and missing you when you're not around.

I came into this with an open mind, not knowing that it'd eventually take me on a emotional roller coaster and completely turn my world upside down.

Call me the sucker that caught feelings.

As time went by, I realized hanging out with you would be the most pleasant torture I'd ever be lucky enough to experience, and for that I'll be forever grateful.

I realize we're on two completely different pages, maybe even a whole different book.

I never meant for this to happen, I guess emotions are funny that way.

It'd be completely selfish of me to continue what we have going on, and I'd never put that kind of pressure on you.

I hope you understand where I'm coming from.

Things just happen and feelings change, something I have no control over.

So I think I need to take a few steps back and figure out what to do next.

[Careerchoice]

Of course the right advice is for you to say exactly how you feel. But I don't think you're being honest with yourself about your ultimate conclusion:

 

So I think I need to take a few steps back and figure out what to do next.

 

If you were honest with yourself, this would instead read something like "I want to be in a relationship with you, and if you don't want that, we have to stop seeing each other." Either she'll be on board, or you'll be able to move on to find someone else who's on the same page as you.

[Mr anonymous]

Thanks for the quick reply 😊 uggghhh I know I'm not being honest with myself. I just feel like giving her an ultimatum is just putting pressure on her to make a decision. I just wish she would tell me how she feels. But than again, I still haven't even stepped up to that plate.

[nsolo]

"We text each other everyday just to chat, I'm straight up confused at this point because I've realized I've fallen head over heels for this person. However as much as I think the feeling is mutual, she was still clear she wasn't ready for any kind if commitment."

 

She said at some point recently (?) that she wasn't ready. This tells me that you've hinted to relationship stuff recently, and she said she wasn't ready. That can mean two things. 1) She likes you and sees potential, but she's not ready

2) She doesn't see potential, and she's leading you on by saying she's not ready so you can still come over to bang

 

Personally? I'd be cool, I'd get my feelings under control, I'd accept that she's just a sex playmate who I can enjoy some time with, and I'd look for dates with all the new women I could go on dates with—I actually wouldn't ever have stopped dating others if I was just FWB with this one girl.

 

I would NOT send her that message, but then again, I like keeping my cards closer to my chest than a lot of guys, it seems. Also, I'd seriously stop the texting every day by stringing it out some. Get busy to the point where you only text her right before bed. You may not have the discipline though. I've gone through similar things, and holding back can be painful, while saying something can be painful because she goes away due to your openness. Either way, it's a baptism by fire. Hang in there and focus on other women as much as possible. Again, I think the best action to take is to take none at all with her. Accept that she's banging other dudes and that she's fine with you banging other women. That's the only way FWB will turn into more between y'all, provided that she doesn't want an exclusive relationship with you right now, which seems highly likely.

[SherrySher]

So, why have you not had any kind of talk about where things are going or what you are both wanting?

 

I wouldn't send that message because it sounds like a bunch of assumptions. You don't know for sure if she is on the same page as you or not.

 

I say, just talk to her, if you're so close this shouldn't be a problem.

[Careerchoice]

I just feel like giving her an ultimatum is just putting pressure on her to make a decision. I just wish she would tell me how she feels.

 

But if I read in between the lines in your original post, that's exactly what you're telling me you want. You want her to make a decision and you want her to tell you what she wants. The ultimatum forces her to do both of those.

 

We're not on this earth forever. Your time is best spent on searching for someone who's willing/able to give you what you want. Give her the chance to be that person or you have to move on. It's not an easy thing to do, but it's not complicated.

[Mr anonymous]

I know I'll always want something more, but it's like I'd rather have her partially than not at all. I think I'll hold out on the message. I know I'm pathetic.

m.facebook.com/jesse.a.landry?ref=bookmarks

This is me I and can't even tell someone how I feel 😂 Brb just gonna jump a cliff a quick sec lol

[Careerchoice]

I know I'll always want something more, but it's like I'd rather have her partially than not at all. I think I'll hold out on the message. I know I'm pathetic.

m.facebook.com/jesse.a.landry?ref=bookmarks

Look like this and can't even tell someone how I feel 😂

 

Don't judge yourself, but I can predict exactly how this is going to end. She'll eventually find someone else and you'll be crushed. At least if you told her what you want and you stuck up for yourself, you'd give things a chance to work, no matter how slim, and make some personal growth.

[Mr anonymous]

Thanks by the way everyone I'm appreciating the feedback

[Mr anonymous]

What's bugging me is she doesn't want me seeing anybody else, she says she wants me all to herself. However, god knows what the hell happens on the other end behind closed doors.

[SherrySher]

I'll give you the same advice as I would give a woman. Don't allow yourself to be used. Ask for a commitment of some type. Let her know you want a relationship.

You are worth it.

[Mr anonymous]

Thanks Sherry that comment means a lot. I guess I'm gonna have to speak up at some point. I'm just trying to slowly grow the balls to do it. FML

[nsolo]

"What's bugging me is she doesn't want me seeing anybody else, she says she wants me all to herself. However, god knows what the hell happens on the other end behind closed doors"

 

You want someone you feel this way about who wants YOU too. This woman ain't the one. I wouldn't be loyal to her for a second, and I'd tell her that too when the opportunity presented itself. If she brought something up about how I'm supposed to be loyal to her, I'd say something like, "You don't want to commit to something with me, yet you don't want me seeing anyone else? Yeah right. You crazy," I'd say, while laughing about it.

 

Do yourself a favor and focus on finding another woman to spend time with.