It's going on a month and no sign of change.

[rb1]

Just a little update:

 

I moved out at the start of May due to my wife telling me she didn't want a relationship right now with me and wants a divorce. Long story short, she's become a compeletely different person emotionally that all I recognize is her appearance. Treats me as if I'm that annoying coworker or boy that just never had a chance"friend zone". Eventually after about a year of this and still doing everything I could for her. She tells me she loves me but no longer in love with me, doesn't want a relationship right now, and wants a divorce, the whole nine yards and needs time to work on her.

 

So I moved out to give her space and plus I couldn't stand feeling uncomfortable in a place we had built together! I know Rome wasn't built over night, but even after a month it's a lot of back and forth with her. Tells me she doesn't want me but even after putting a no contact in place(which she wanted) she still needs to talk to me daily. I removed her off of all social media To give her space and she flips out. I try to not really conversate at all but she will find a reason to text, call, etc...

 

Finally put my foot down and told her she's on her own financially but it's like she doesn't hear me or believe me because she invites me over again for dinner which I declined and wants to talk about up coming events and rent, other bills. Even though I clearly stated I would not pay any of her bills!

 

She yet still doesn't even seem bothered I'm gone nor really misses me at all when I see her in person. Already seems to have a daily routine down and all I do is think of her. Yet, she always need to contact, wants me to stay the night on the couch, even wanted me to stay in the bed with her Friday night. Obviously, I declined again and left!

 

So in a nutshell, even after my

Counseling session and sticking to my guns. I'm still just as confused as to what is up and what is down with my wife. If she's just as confused or if she's doing the things for me and toawards me to keep me in it to pay for things, or if she's having flashes of guilt, or regret. Hell if I know right now.

[Hollyj]

You haven't stuck to your "guns." At all! You should not be responding. You are not in NC

 

I mean this in the kindest way: stop being such a doormat! She broke up with you. Stop with financial support and do not respond to her. I don't know if you can block, as I don't know if there are children or financial responsibilities - the later can be done be email.

 

Stop talking to her! Period!!!

 

No guilt. She like the attention and money .

[rb1]

I know I need to do a better job. It's hard though, I just don't see how cutting her out completely will get her to miss me? I guess that's what I want to happen because I still lover her and still want the marriage.

 

So I just don't see how shunning someone is suppose to bring them back. It never made any sense to me.

[LaHermes]

RB.

 

The purpose of NC is not "to bring someone back". NC is for YOU.

[rb1]

Well it's hard to focus on myself when all I want is my marriage. That's what I built my life around, I can hear other and even tell myself to move on. However, 9 years with someone is kinda hard to just snap my fingers and worry about "myself"!

[LaHermes]

No Contact, RB, is not some kind of ploy to "get someone back". .

 

And don't worry about yourself if you don't wish to. But do look after yourself.

[indea08]

What do you think "missing someone" is? Its feeling the emptiness of them being gone, noticing their lack of presence and wishing they were still with you. How could she miss you if you are not gone?

 

So if you won't go no contact so you can heal, then go no contact for her to feel what it's like to be without you, financially, socially, and emotionally.

[rb1]

Thank you for advice, I don't know what else to do to gain her interest in the marriage anymore. I'm just throwing darts at the dart board in hopes something sticks with her.

[rb1]

I want her to genuinely miss me and want to be together again. However, what I'm fighting in my head with the no contact is a little bit of what if it causes her to forget about me. Also, the biggest one of all is, what if I get so tunneled visioned on this no contact that I actually miss my chance if she does actually want back in and take it as she is just uncomfortable. I don't think I'd ever forgive myself.

 

Like right now, I told her straight up no more because she text me if I made it to work. However, she gave me a response of "well I tried to do something nice, but it backfired again!"

[Hollyj]

Ugh! What you have been doing , is allowing her to wipe her feet all over you.

 

Tell her not to reach out, unless she wants full reconciliation. All you are doing now, is helping her transition onto another. The more you do, the less respect she has.

[rb1]

I know I need to cut ties for now, it's just so hard and the biggest one "weird"... I mean someone that had passion for me for years and now it's like it meant nothing to her or it was never there from the start. I fell into the light switch phenom of wedding vows to this person feels no vow for me. It's all just feels fake like it's not happening but it is. I guess you can say I'm still in shock with who she has become?

 

So pretty much my only real option is to cut ties with her and try to move on the best I can.

[tiredmama234]

This sounds like such a hard situation.... but I have always tried to tell myself that I would never want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me, because I want to have respect for myself. No matter how much you can't help but want her back and want to make things work with her, if I were you I would try to stop doing things you would think will please her or make her miss you, and go out and at least try to meet other people, especially if she wants a divorce! I know this is way easier said than done, because 9 years is a really long time and i'm sure you can't imagine your life without her. But I would try to look at the bigger picture- what is really going to make you happy in the long run? Chasing after someone that doesn't want you and doesn't appreciate you or doing the best you can to start moving on and find someone you can really truly be happy with?