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Stepdaughter destroyed my marriage with abuse

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Please help I have been married for a few years only and my step children have been very verbally and physically violent toward me. Now a year over 6 months of my husband gaslighting stonewalling screaming belittling me and telling his children I'm the problem I correct too much I hate them I got blamed and treated with extreme contempt and completely stonewalled and accused because I said no to being rewarded with a treat of ice cream f you don't eat your food and the child accuses me of being mean cause I wouldn't do anything fun when going out and won't give her ice cream because I gave her too much food....this child had a normal bowl of cereal probably 2 cups if that of the cereal..and keep in mind this child constantly asks for food after done eating and constantly says can I have a snack I'm hungry I'm telling dad and the authorities you refuse to give me food. She then went into a rage my husband when I got the phone back yelled at me for punishing g her over a bowl of cereal...this child for the last five years had and esp in the last 2.5 refuses to do anything I ask of her complete contempt and will full defiance. Has also destroyed property thrown things at me hit kicked pushed slammed doors on me locked me out of the house and yesterday got called four vulgar names threatened again with contacting the police just to get me out of the house with lies of abuse because I say no to her alot. All due to her abuse toward me and her refuses to do anything asked without hatred and contempt talking back. Yesterday I got mad too and said a comment on how she was acting like a donkey. She immediately said I called get that. The dad doesn't get angry at her but at me. Now the final straw yesterday is that dispite being called hore a female dog threatened and had the f word leveled at me screamed at to let's leave now and unlock the f car I choose to still take them where and. Car ride she sat right behind me which due to what happened in the past and yesterday I've asked her not to do that...I got hit the seat punched my baseball cap hit off my head all while drive. Screamed at with a banchee like scream in my ear to shut up turn the Bible message off I don't want to hear that tried to come into the front seat yo turn the radio off while driving....my only saving grace with the car ride a police officer happened to witness her actions towards me got it on dash cam and pulled me over....in the past on the dad telling me so told me to call the police on her and in our past state I had to a number of times she got violent to where she hurt me and again the father now blames me for that too. ...back to yesterday. She still blames me it's my fault I wouldn't give her what she wanted and I gave her too much cereal. The dad the same way. I have given up working out of the home because he wanted me not to work and stay home with his kids. We have tried counseling and he refuses to get marriage counseling though her psychiatrist told him and me both. Her counselors told us that same thing. They cannot help her as divided as we are. I'm begging him for that. He threatened me with divorce if I didn't help help for my obvious mental problems toward his children. over for almost our whole marriage and it's my fault I've changed I won't listen I've gotten help I try to do what the family counselor s have said and have to deal with them knowing what to say him lying about how much he drinks to the counselor. I talk alot as obvious with this post but you know I've gotten quiet. I get yelled at by him when I ignore and don't interact with his abusive child or if either of them treat me with abusive disrespect to say you don't speak to me that way and he says I'm arguing with her when I ask her to not do something or to not speak to me in that tone or manner. Now that once again the police are involved due to her actions it's my fault because I said no ice cream due to the behavior shown. I have no money of my own cause I stupidly gave him it and in the beginning used my bank account pretty much up cause I was afraid to ask him for money and spent it on his children and him. and he controls every penny even more so now. He's so angry at me for her actions though she was like this before me but she relished that it was her dad and she views herself as his equal and doesn't want to share him ever but wants a mom to allow her to do whatever she wants give her and she's entitled to have anything she wants in the house whenever she wants it both matter if it belongs to her or not. I love him and it he was not like this before..he used to apologize to me if he was angry we agreed to talk things out no matter what cause that was the problem he had in his past marriages he didn't do that. He was kind caring now all he does is accuse me of changing that he stop caring and even said though denies it cause he was drunk and doesn't remember saying it bit that he hates me and I was a mistake. The daughter is proud if the fact and tells me "I made dad hate you I will get him to make you leave". Help. Please help. No matter what I try or do with getting counseling I'm accused of not taking responsibility for me and never letting anyone else talk. Accused of get Psychiatrist and counselors when husband talks to them alone he then accuses me of being the problem that they even said I was the problem and wrong and they said I hate his children. When I confronted them they deny ever saying that to him. I have issues I know. Everyone does but to be told your wrong in putting a boundaries on a narcissist wilfully defiant and violent angry filled child and the professionals all say stand your ground with her. How are you the one that is wrong all the time.

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Oh OP, my shoulders are up around my ears reading your post. Don't worry about the relationship with either of them right, move out, find a way to leave this house, please don't make yourself live with these two a moment longer. Have no money? Seek out your local domestic violence shelter, call your family, call your friends, crash on someone's couch.


Whether the relationship can be saved or not (and from what you have written I really really really really doubt it), is a problem for another day. Today's mission is to get you out of this environment where you are abused and gas lit expected to parent and then attacked for it.


(And don't blame the child for Any of this, place the blame at the feet of the father where it belongs).

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Sounds like you need to bounce for your own mental and physical safety.


Stay in counseling, alone. Get yourself out the door and into a safe space of your own.


If you're bent on healing the marriage, they also need to seek counseling separately...and eventually, all of you together. Things would need to change and boundaries be set before you began a family life again. (Or anew... it doesn't sound like you currently have much of one.)

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