Girlfriend breaks up with me, kid involved but live in the same home

[hiroshi808]

She's 30. I'm 33. Have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old baby girl.

 

We have been living seperate until we moved into my own home *extra house*. Very Lucky my grandparents left this for me or my brothers. We moved ending of Feb 2017.

1st or 2 months was good. A lot of family time etc... We was supposed to make another baby. After that it went down hill until she met a girl at her work place. She never did have close friends, she was always with her mom before.

This girl been coming to our home at least 5 days out of the week. They hang out on their days off. Sometimes to 3am in the morning.

They talk. Girl talk. Cook dinner. Her friend massage pretty good etc... it didn't bother me until I notice she comes like everyday. They watch movies together, go out to eat at restaurants etc..

 

Well truth to be told, my ex now. Is bisexual and her friend to. Outside perspective by me and my brother and his girlfriend, can see their is a connection between them two. I can be wrong or blind. You can notice of someone like someone in general. Anyways we been fighting a lot, a lot. Mostly her friend coming over to give us alone time, stupid things etc... We been living in seperate rooms for the past 2 months or so because she blames my bed being to soft. So she sleeps with the baby in the other room. Our sex life before was once a month for the past 2 years. She said it was the hormones. Obviously I focus more on to my baby with out fighting it.

 

She broke up with me about little over a week. I had to confront her. What's the deal with this girl? Big fight. She pack her stuff went to her mom house 10 minutes away. She comes back to talk. I used my brother Girl friend as a mediator. My girl can be very violent. Didn't turn out well. Next day she comes back, of spending 4 nights at her mom's house. She said " I'll stay for our daughter but we not together, I have no feelings for you etc..."

 

I am going therapy, before this happen. I go every week last month. Control my anger, my past, alcohol. So the therapist gave me some ideas to help. So I did it with my ex. She agreed to it. Next day her and her mom got into a huge fight. Meaning her mom wants her to stay and work it out.

Than the truth comes Out, she said her mom and her step dad and her sister and her bf *they have a child as well*, does not want her to move back in. They live in a pretty small house. Before they always fighting in that house, whole family in general. Unhappy. I try keep my baby away from that home.

 

If she moves back, not sure. Her sister took over her original room and she will live in a sardine can room in size.

 

Anyways, she been here 5 nights. We hardly see each other. She works A.m. and i work p.m. shifts. We take turns watching our daughter. We had a few talks here and there but she argues "none of your business, does it matter, we not together etc..." past 5 days. She's bi polar. Like I see she wants to be back or not. When she is not, she puts a wall in front of her face. Last week I went to the court house to get legal advice on child custody. I showed it to here. She freaked out.

I told her. You said you had no feelings? So I'm focusing on my daughter future.

She still insist to live here but do our own thing. If we start dating other people she agree to move out. Her friend came maybe 3x more when she loved back in my home but her friend leaves when I'm home.

 

I seriously don't know what to do.

Her mom talk to me. She said she looks confused. This weekend we made a camping plan, a month ago. So my ex said let's use this 2.5 days without each other. I focus on myself at home *do my own thing* and she hangs with her family. Than come back without being angry/frustrated and talk mutual and civilized what's the next step.

Her move out or we work things together.

She said she wants to see my change but stay in this house and possibility to get back together.

 

I see my therapist tomorrow. Like I said I been going every week for the past month 1/2. I told her come with me, but she refuse.

 

In the past week. We sent pictures of our baby. We talk to her on the phone.

When she moved out, I had my baby the 1st night and she comes up randomly and make a excuse to pick something up. I was supposed to watch my daughter 2 nights while she relax at her mom house. Offfcoursse baby went with mommy. I got super mad. Told her calm down these days without seeing each other, I can handle our baby in my home.

 

Anyways. I dunno what to do. She still eating out with this girl. At least 3x ever since we broke up. During a week 1/2 process. Her friend was over last night. But left before I got home.

 

She said it didn't take over night, she felt this for awhile to call it quits. Why move in to a home if you was over it? I confront her to say your mom guys wanted you out and move here and be unhappy with me.

 

I have friends to hang out. I invite my friend over once a week or once every other week.

Her friend comes over everyday. The same girl. Had a couple others but they have family and kids. Also her friend buy a lot of gifts for my daughter and help my ex around the house.

 

And yes my ex now. Had a few ex girlfriends relationships in the past.

[abitbroken]

We was supposed to make another baby.

 

Um...no? Do you have any common sense? You guys move into a place together to make another baby? Unmarried?

 

Anyway, I think you need to get an attorney and set up a custody arrangement. Do not let her walk all over you and just come get the child randomly because you cannot predict if the child is going to be around this other woman. Do not just sit idly by for this and forbid this other woman that she is cheating with into your home.

 

I am glad you are going to counseling - but you need to take the next step here. Do not let your girlfriend cheat on you and take your child. This girl is NOT your girlfriend's "friend" - she is her lover.

[hiroshi808]

When I confront her. She denies about this girl "connection." But the past 2 months of observing. Something is defiantly there. I could be wrong.

It's just normal someone comes to my home every damn day. And their body language and conversations are obvious. She said she is like that "friendly"

[jujusamples]

This is way too messy and confusing. Please see a lawyer and work out the custody of your child. Your daughter does not deserve to be in the middle of this mess. Your girlfriend needs to move out, it sounds like she has some sort of relationship with this friend. It is not healthy for the two of you to live together in the same house. Could you take care of your daughter to let your girlfriend go find a place to move to? Why does she need to be at her mom's?

 

Nothing is making any sense, but point is, you two can not live in the same home. It is not good for your daughter. Piece of advice, this time when you see an attorney, please don't show it to your girlfriend or tell her what's going on. You let the lawyer deal with that.

[hiroshi808]

I did tell her we can't live together.

She has only her mom to move in. Why? Because rent here is way to expensive she can't even afford it, neither of i. Unless she find some friends to split a cost in a house of their own.

 

The mom, step dad, sister and her bf live in the same house. All of them bump heads. Even the mom is unhappy with her marriage. I seen numerous fights in that house. Total chaos. Grumble about everything. Her mom has a very difficult time to deal with my ex. Mom told her go therapy when she was 17. My ex is not close to her real dad either. Dad lives 5 min away from her.

 

The attorney part, I can't afford it right now. I trying to see how I can come up with the funds. And she came randomly, she seen my documents on the table what I was working on. Calendar. Court papers. Mediator papers etc... she ask what is this? So I told her clearly.

 

Mean while her mom brought stuff back of my own properties from her house. So I assume they are clearing out a room as we speak. My ex has the freedom here. Once she moves back. Good luck! Not my problem.

[abitbroken]

I did tell her we can't live together.

She has only her mom to move in. Why? Because rent here is way to expensive she can't even afford it, neither of i. Unless she find some friends to split a cost in a house of their own.

 

The mom, step dad, sister and her bf live in the same house. All of them bump heads. Even the mom is unhappy with her marriage. I seen numerous fights in that house. Total chaos. Grumble about everything. Her mom has a very difficult time to deal with my ex. Mom told her go therapy when she was 17. My ex is not close to her real dad either. Dad lives 5 min away from her.

 

The attorney part, I can't afford it right now. I trying to see how I can come up with the funds. And she came randomly, she seen my documents on the table what I was working on. Calendar. Court papers. Mediator papers etc... she ask what is this? So I told her clearly.

 

Mean while her mom brought stuff back of my own properties from her house. So I assume they are clearing out a room as we speak. My ex has the freedom here. Once she moves back. Good luck! Not my problem.

 

You need to change the locks. She is not allowed to walk in at any time. Also, there are resources - some state bars have a number where you can get 20 minutes of legal advice free. There are also advocates for single dads. There are also many attorneys who won't charge you just to listen to what your situation is - then they tell you what the fees are going forward. Go talk to someone. If you do not - and do it fast - she is going to hit you with child support and a custody agreement favoring her for sole custody. Now that she knows what you are thinking - you need to be one step ahead and beat her at her game. Is there anyone - a family member - you can borrow from to do this - or ask the attorney if there are any programs for people who can't afford the fees? Like a sliding scale? Its a pay me now or pay me later - you can either have your child half the time and both pay her way while the daughter is with you, split school expenses, etc, or she is going to claim that she is a lone single mom - you will have to pay more out of your paycheck than the attorney would charge you and you might only get limited visitation and maybe no legal say.

[hiroshi808]

She is a resident as a I talk to a local cop. Have to go get court order 45 day eviction notice. But she save the headache. She is moving out today, she made her 1st trip to take her belongings and move back with her mom.

 

I was in a restaurant last night. And randomly bump into her mom and step dad. I said my peace and my side of my story. And did admit some stuff were my fault. Offcourse the mom called her. Furious. Meaning her story doesn't make sense. So my ex calls me. Full yelling at me. Telling I'm lieing to her mom about the stories etc..

 

And yes the mom and step dad does know what's going on with the girl. So I wasn't blind for myself to own it and handle it myself. She agree to have dinner with us but she wanted to leave to hang out with friends... sure! Told her no. Don't come. Come if you wanna spend time with your daughter. My plan was to take my baby dinner, go to arcade place so she can play and eat ice cream.

So obviously her mom got more mad, meaning she not gonna have dinner with us? Told the mom she going out with her friends. So the mom said oh Ya, she was gonna watch movie with the girl. Oh wow! Anyways she came to the arcade game place all pissed off. Her mom join me to come and play with her grand daughter in the game center. Full argument with her mom and me. They took it outside. While I play with my baby.

 

And the truth came out. She told her mom she likes the girl. Didn't wanted did Tell me. Whatever. The girl is joining them on the camping trip this weekend.

I'm furious. She blame everything but not being honest to me.

 

As of right now on our mutual agreement. I watch her Monday morning. Have her Tues and wed am/pm and watch her Thursday morning. Until we figure something out. Mediator or court. So ill have her for like 4 days, my daughter. Due to our work schedule. When she goes school. Dunno how we gonna handle that.

 

While she was here packing her stuff. Bragging into my face the girl bought her gifts etc.... she's more happy with the girl than me.... bla bla. Lucky the mom was here to help her move. I would of lost it!

I stayed cool. She is taking everything she owns but decided to leave half of my daughter room.

 

Anyways the mom and step dad. Has their rules in their house. She needs to obey it and pay rent etc.... And they really dislike the girl she is in with. A alot of questions etc.... She had the freedom in my house. As why she took her time to move out. But her mom said to move now before it escalates. I give her a month in her mom's house. She will lose her mind or move out to some place to be with the girl. Not my problem.

 

She had everything on a silver platter here! Well it's her choice. I gotta let her go! And focus on myself and daughter offcourse. Still go to my therapist as well. She was blamming everything what I do to leave the relationship. When the truth was she was in love with the girl. And finding a other reason to leave.