Can't get him out of my head

[fiveonezero]

My relationship with him wasn't even that good. I felt like I had to practically beg him to do anything with me. So why can't I just let it go?

 

About 5 weeks ago, he had been distant and ignoring my calls/texts (of which I only sent a few) for a week. I asked him if I had done something and he said no, it wasn't me. He eventually came over for what I thought was going to be us talking through things, but turned out to be him breaking up with me. Because he wants to be alone. Because he doesn't think we have enough in common. Because he was feeling claustrophobic. We had been together for almost 2 years and I thought it was an ok relationship. Not great, but not terrible.

 

We didn't speak for weeks.

 

Last week, he sent me a message saying he still loves me, he misses me, he wants me to be happy, and he wants me in his life. He said this the day before a weekend long event that we were both going to, but separately. I told him it wasn't right of him to say those things to me.

 

At the event, I stupidly spent a lot of time with him. He held my hand, gave me a back massage, told me he loved me and missed me, and that he wants to be alone. He said he wants relationships where he doesn't have to plan anything, nobody has to compromise, and he doesn't even have to communicate with the person unless they happen to be at the same event. He told me that he had been feeling claustrophobic

in our relationship for months. I feel so dumb for not having assumed that's why he kept alternating between hot and cold towards me.

 

I'm so confused. I want to just let him go. Why am I so stuck on someone who obviously doesn't want the type of loving, caring partnership that I crave? And how do I get him out of my head? I'm keeping myself busy, but I feel like last weekend just set me back to the same mindset I had when we initially broke up.

[idontknowww]

I'm sorry that you're going through this, but I think you need to go NC for your own sanity. Stop talking to him, stop hanging out with him, stop replying to him, stop stalking him on social media, just stop, and that will help you detach. The more you stay in touch, the slower your progress will be. I guess when someone leaves us, we put them on this stupid pedestal, even though the relationship wasn't even all that great; it's just nostalgia. Anyway, cut him off for your own good.