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Girl showed up on the first date then leave early


dio9366

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So I met this girl online, we really had chemistry and she seems really dig me,

she read my profile and knows I work at fashion industry so wanted to go shopping with me.

Then I asked her out, I set our date on a weekend 2pm afternoon. She was late for 40 minutes which I had to swallow since a lot of women do these days.

 

Anyway, long story short, I took her to a coffee place and I can tell that she was really attracted to me, keep asking me all kinds of questions and very eager to know more about me. After that we went shopping I gave her many fashion advises and hand pick many styles for her to try on, and she LOVE the styles that I choose and keep praise my fashion taste.(I didn't buy anything for her because I think it wouldn't be proper) I had a whole plan set up including dinner, however, she had to tell me she had other date with her high school friends and had to leave early.

 

This annoys me because I just had few days that are off, and I want to do something that is fun and productive. My question is: If she is really attracted to me, why would she schedule a meeting with her friends after our date? This just kills all the romantic feelings and excitement. Do girls do this on purpose? Let me know you guys opinions. Thanks

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I think a first meet should be scheduled for a short amount of time. If she wanted to go shopping I would have told her you two would do that another time if you decided to go on an actual date after the first meet. Did she know you had a plan for dinner? My guess is that you were really attracted to her so you were a bit biased and assumed from what she said and did that she was attracted to you too. Instead, it might just be she wanted the free fashion advice from you so she put on a flirty demeanor. Sorry about the disappointment. Also she might have been hoping you bought her something (which is inappropriate but the whole plan and the way it came about seems a bit off for two strangers first meeting through a dating site).

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I think a first meet should be scheduled for a short amount of time. If she wanted to go shopping I would have told her you two would do that another time if you decided to go on an actual date after the first meet. Did she know you had a plan for dinner? My guess is that you were really attracted to her so you were a bit biased and assumed from what she said and did that she was attracted to you too. Instead, it might just be she wanted the free fashion advice from you so she put on a flirty demeanor. Sorry about the disappointment. Also she might have been hoping you bought her something (which is inappropriate but the whole plan and the way it came about seems a bit off for two strangers first meeting through a dating site).

 

men, you are a bit cynical but I don't blame you, but she had been praising the way I dress and the way I look since we were chating on internet. Do you think that also is because she wanted a free fashion advice?

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It's a bit odd that you two met up to go shopping, that's an abnormal first date idea and you probably shouldn't have agreed to that so readily. You wanted to impress her in some regard obviously, which I imagine is why you went along with it.

 

Most traditional dating advice is that a first meet should be an hour or two tops. You don't really get to know whether someone is attracted to you until the second, third or fourth date...the key is whether or not they want to see you again, not whether they act friendly. So it is 100% okay that she had something scheduled after. People don't do this to play games.

 

Personally, I think your reaction is ridiculous. For most guys who are interested in seeing the girl again, it doesn't 'kill the romantic feelings' that she wants to spend time with her friends. That is super possessive and silly of you to say as you literally met her once, briefly, and she's practically a stranger. True romance doesn't develop on the first date. Did you even ask her beforehand if she wanted to have dinner afterwards? If not then you assumed that she would be free and that is your mistake, not hers.

 

Here are the possible reasons she scheduled a meeting with her friends after your date:

- Her friends wanted to hang out, and she figured she would be free after meeting you for an hour or two

- She wanted to set a time limit on the first meet, which is a smart thing to do and 100% advisable in most online dating situations

- She did not have any intention of sleeping with you on the first meet

- You didn't ask her out to dinner afterwards

- She wasn't sure what to expect meeting a stranger for the first time

- She has a life and she's going to continue having a life whether or not you're in it

- She wasn't going to set aside an entire afternoon and evening for some guy she barely knows just incase it doesn't go well

- Any combination of the above

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It's a bit odd that you two met up to go shopping, that's an abnormal first date idea and you probably shouldn't have agreed to that so readily. You wanted to impress her in some regard obviously, which I imagine is why you went along with it.

 

Most traditional dating advice is that a first meet should be an hour or two tops. You don't really get to know whether someone is attracted to you until the second, third or fourth date...the key is whether or not they want to see you again, not whether they act friendly. So it is 100% okay that she had something scheduled after. People don't do this to play games.

 

Personally, I think your reaction is ridiculous. For most guys who are interested in seeing the girl again, it doesn't 'kill the romantic feelings' that she wants to spend time with her friends. That is super possessive and silly of you to say as you literally met her once, briefly, and she's practically a stranger. True romance doesn't develop on the first date. Did you even ask her beforehand if she wanted to have dinner afterwards? If not then you assumed that she would be free and that is your mistake, not hers.

 

Here are the possible reasons she scheduled a meeting with her friends after your date:

- Her friends wanted to hang out, and she figured she would be free after meeting you for an hour or two

- She wanted to set a time limit on the first meet, which is a smart thing to do and 100% advisable in most online dating situations

- She did not have any intention of sleeping with you on the first meet

- You didn't ask her out to dinner afterwards

- She wasn't sure what to expect meeting a stranger for the first time

- She has a life and she's going to continue having a life whether or not you're in it

- She wasn't going to set aside an entire afternoon and evening for some guy she barely knows just incase it doesn't go well

- Any combination of the above

 

Ok, I get what you mean, but I had dated many women, most of them went alone with my plan, so maybe I'd change my strategy next time to arrange a dinner date or notify to have dinner date in advance.

 

I am very surprise that you are so conservative, to me, the purpose of a date is to create a fun and romantic opportunity for sex to happen, which means hang out, have fun, and hook up.

if I plan a very short date, it would for friends or business meeting, it totaly defeat the purpose.

 

I am the man here, don't you think I should be the one to make things happen or take things to the next level?

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Ok, I get what you mean, but I had dated many women, most of them went alone with my plan, so maybe I'd change my strategy next time to arrange a dinner date or notify to have dinner date in advance.

 

I am very surprise that you are so conservative, to me, the purpose of a date is to create a fun and romantic opportunity for sex to happen, which means hang out, have fun, and hook up.

if I plan a very short date, it would for friends or business meeting, it totaly defeat the purpose.

 

I am the man here, don't you think I should be the one to make things happen or take things to the next level?

 

It depends what you're looking for I suppose. I know when I go for a first meet, having sex is the last thing on my mind and any man that I met that tried to steer it in that direction would get an abrupt shut down and then be blocked from further contact. I'm looking for a long-term partner though.

 

I prefer men to be smitten with how wildly hilarious I am rather than my looks. To each their own though.

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Ok, I get what you mean, but I had dated many women, most of them went alone with my plan, so maybe I'd change my strategy next time to arrange a dinner date or notify to have dinner date in advance.

 

I am very surprise that you are so conservative, to me, the purpose of a date is to create a fun and romantic opportunity for sex to happen, which means hang out, have fun, and hook up.

if I plan a very short date, it would for friends or business meeting, it totaly defeat the purpose.

 

I am the man here, don't you think I should be the one to make things happen or take things to the next level?

 

LOL at that emboldened part. Sorry, but not necessarily, especially in this day and age. I for one would (and do!) feel frustrated if a guy decided that only he was allowed to make moves to push things forward. I once went on a date with a guy who opened and shut my car doors for me, which is fine; he took it to "not fine" when he got mad at me for opening the car door myself to get out, and when he glowered at me for holding a door open for him. Chivalry shouldn't be dead, but it shouldn't beat women to death either.

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LOL at that emboldened part. Sorry, but not necessarily, especially in this day and age. I for one would (and do!) feel frustrated if a guy decided that only he was allowed to make moves to push things forward. I once went on a date with a guy who opened and shut my car doors for me, which is fine; he took it to "not fine" when he got mad at me for opening the car door myself to get out, and when he glowered at me for holding a door open for him. Chivalry shouldn't be dead, but it shouldn't beat women to death either.

 

Oh well, then I probably should date you instead, I am fine opening doors for women, but also fine them open doors for me.

My point is that making a short date is as same as making no dates to me.

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For a first date, you either ask a woman for a coffee date OR a dinner date, but never both. If a guy told me in advance we'd be meeting at 2 and then have dinner at 5, that wouldn't work for me. If I didn't feel the chemistry, I wouldn't want to be obligated to spend 4 hours with a guy when I didn't plan on seeing him ever again. And I highly doubt you even told her about dinner in advance. It was probably in your mind that you'd bail after coffee if you weren't attracted, but since you were, it was your desire to spend more time with her. Her only faux pas was being so late. If you decide to ask her out again and she accepts, you can then see if she's a habitually late person, and only you know if that's a deal breaker for you or not.

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Oh well, then I probably should date you instead, I am fine opening doors for women, but also fine them open doors for me.

My point is that making a short date is as same as making no dates to me.

 

It's not a date -it's a first meet with a stranger to see if you should go on a date in the future.

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Plotting out so much time for shopping, a meal, chatting it up? And getting a bit iffed if she doesn't go through with it all?

 

I think you ought to let it go. she may even like you, but for a first date?like others said, that's way too much!

 

And you deciding all parts of any of a date? Way too controlling.

 

Be gracious and no annoyed when trying to date someone. Especially a new person.

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Why in the world would you go shopping as a first date.

 

One of my first dates with my ex was a full day of shopping. He "invited" the others in our group (which he later admitted was a lie), but he really wanted a woman's eye to help him decorate his apartment and get some teacherly clothes. We had an absolute blast going to various thrift stores and stuff.

 

The caveat here was that we already knew each other quite well and knew we got on as friends, plus he really did need help getting things for his apartment.

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Honestly, I would feel a little strange if a man i just met was selecting clothes for me.

 

Why in the world would you go shopping as a first date.

 

If you are 16 and its 1985, the mall was where it was at, man! But you would have gone to a movie at the theater next door and would have hit the food court for an Orange Julius after.

If you are over 14 and its 2017...um...probably not!

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How did she act after the date? Maybe she just setup a definite time to bail out. I'd probably actually prefer this on a first date. No awkward when should I leave thing going on.

 

Op, I didn't see an update from you on Matt3939's response. Also, there's too much focus on how you think she feels about you. She will let you know by her actions after the date. So, what happened after the date?

 

Did she tell you that she wants to see you again? Did you contact her to let her know that you enjoyed her company?

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Op, I didn't see an update from you on Matt3939's response. Also, there's too much focus on how you think she feels about you. She will let you know by her actions after the date. So, what happened after the date?

 

Did she tell you that she wants to see you again? Did you contact her to let her know that you enjoyed her company?

 

When she told me she had to leave early to meet with her friend, she said she was sorry, if she had known I had plan a dinner date, she wouldn't have agree her friends invitation and suggest to meet next time.

I generously accepted and asked her when will she be free next time, she said probably next weekend and will let me know soon. After our date she text me and told me the place I took her was amazing and she had a great time.

 

That's basically it, and that was almost 2 days ago, we haven't talk since. She hasn't told me her next available schedule yet. I guess I will just wait for her to initiate contact.

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When she told me she had to leave early to meet with her friend, she said she was sorry, if she had known I had plan a dinner date, she wouldn't have agree her friends invitation and suggest to meet next time.

I generously accepted and asked her when will she be free next time, she said probably next weekend and will let me know soon. After our date she text me and told me the place I took her was amazing and she had a great time.

 

That's basically it, and that was almost 2 days ago, we haven't talk since. She hasn't told me her next available schedule yet. I guess I will just wait for her to initiate contact.

 

I wouldn't place much stock on what a woman says during the date, while in your company. It's what is done afterwards that shows their true feelings about you. It's all about that important 2nd date.

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Ok, I get what you mean, but I had dated many women, most of them went alone with my plan, so maybe I'd change my strategy next time to arrange a dinner date or notify to have dinner date in advance.

 

I am very surprise that you are so conservative, to me, the purpose of a date is to create a fun and romantic opportunity for sex to happen, which means hang out, have fun, and hook up.

if I plan a very short date, it would for friends or business meeting, it totaly defeat the purpose.

 

I am the man here, don't you think I should be the one to make things happen or take things to the next level?

 

Well either the women you were dating knew you weren't actually trying to date them, or they were looking for the same thing (i.e. sex), or they figured that going along with your plan would lead them to what they want, which is romance. I know plenty of young women who slept with a guy on the first date thinking it would lead to something more, and who then quickly learned their lesson when it didn't, and vowed never again to sleep with someone on the first date. And that is not a "conservative" thing to do, it's a choice that people make with their own bodies and their own lives. If you don't respect that, you are (once again) the problem. Not them. Not everyone will want to sleep with you right away and I'm actually offended on behalf of this girl that you assumed she would. You say you've dated many women, but all I hear is "I don't know why my plan didn't work because I don't know how women operate".

 

There's a huge difference between dating someone and meeting them to hook up, so please get your head right on that, because you didn't ask this girl out with the intention of dating her. So the confusion in all of this is in the fact that you did not communicate what you were looking for, and simply expected her to be on the same page from the word go. You're now annoyed that she didn't free her calendar up for sex with you? That's super interesting. I think you are misinterpreting your dating advice, did you get that line from Corey Wayne or Elliot Scott? "Hang out, have fun, hook up" - that's not first date stuff, that takes a while to develop for most women.

 

Sure, you are the man in this situation, so your role is to be respectful of women who don't want to make things happen according to your timeline, and recognise they are human beings with their own free will and desire and will act accordingly. That's your role as a man.

 

You can act however you like in order to try and get someone to sleep with you, but don't blame them for not being on the same page when you 1) did not communicate effectively; 2) had a hidden agenda and made assumptions about them; 3) were not willing to be patient for a few dates at the very least.

 

Take this as a learning experience.

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I wouldn't place much stock on what a woman says during the date, while in your company. It's what is done afterwards that shows their true feelings about you. It's all about that important 2nd date.

 

So she her text basically means looking foward to see me next time after our first date.

What is your take on this?

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So she her text basically means looking foward to see me next time after our first date.

What is your take on this?

 

I am understanding this to mean that she texted you that she is looking forward to seeing you again after your first date.

 

I would take what she said literally. Now it is your turn to ask her for the second date. But please don't have the expectation of going to bed with her right off the bat. chi

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I am understanding this to mean that she texted you that she is looking forward to seeing you again after your first date.

 

I would take what she said literally. Now it is your turn to ask her for the second date. But please don't have the expectation of going to bed with her right off the bat. chi

 

But while we were dating I had already asked her when will she be free, she told me next week and will let me know exactly which day soon.

 

Shouldn't I wait for het to initiate contact first?

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