Help me I need to write it down

[Loadmstr]

I am 47 and until last month married to my wife. I have two sons 5 and 8. My wife and i met on a trip while we were previously married. I hold guilt for my decision to cheat on my last wife. But when I got married a year after my divorce with our fist child on the way I was truly happy. We had the ups and downs. We delt with post partum. Our second child came and it was a roller coaster of emotions. My wife had a business trip that lasted four months and halfway through I found explicit messages between her and another man at her location. I accused she apologized. She refused to come him and said it was just flirting. She changed all her passwords and as the next few months rolled by she became more and more distant. She said she would come home and try a month but wouldn't promise anything. My father had been I'll during this timeframe and was eventually put on hospice. Weeks after she arrived home my father passed away. She acted strange, guarded. She carried her cell phone everywhere. She went back on birth control without telling me. She shunned from sex. She became angry when I asked her about us. The day my father died she packed her stuff up and left. We were divorced soon after. I have the children full time. I payed off the car and she took it and 20000 worth of credit card debt. I had no idea she had gotten that far in debt. I offered to pay it off and she said she didn't want my help. The past year I have been taking care of my elderly parents and two children. I really want to get help. I have been going to counseling and have been working on being the best dad I can for my children. I want my wife back. She has made plenty of mistakes. Both of us have. She intends on traveling to see the other man in another state. Sometimes she does things that give me hope. And sometimes I just feel hopeless.

[Loadmstr]

I guess I keep telling myself "yes, I want her back" should i just stop?

[melancholy123]

I guess I keep telling myself "yes, I want her back" should i just stop?

 

Hell yes. Think about the lying and deceit she's shown you for a long time. Think about how she took off leaving you with two kids. She is not trustworthy nor does she deserve another chance. The best predictor of future behaviour is relevant past behaviour. Keep on with the therapy and if that therapist isnt helping, find another one.

[kbbcoop77]

Well the karma bus came quickly for you here. You cheated on your wife and now your cheater partner cheated on you. Relationships based on cheating seldom stand the test of time. She's a chronic cheater and obviously needs that thrill. All you can do now is be a good dad. At 47 with 2 small kids you need to stay healthy and be there for them. Forget her she did you a favor leaving. Your better off without that headache.

[SherrySher]

What goes around, comes around.

 

I bet your first wife felt like you do now.

[eidetic]

Whew, some kind of mean answers here.

 

Not a ton of sympathy for cheaters I guess, but listen: the fact that she left both children with you is telling. Leaving an adult partner is one thing. The parent child relationship should not be abandoned. I don't understand how any parent does that.

 

If possible, if I were you I'd take this as a time to reflect not on your relationship with her, but maybe on what drove you to choose her and leave your first marriage. It kind of doesn't matter what she did, although maybe you need to know something of that in order to support your kids emotionally through the years. The main thing is that if she is gone, no matter what her reasons were or are, you need to be 100% you -- so you can be 100% present for your children.

 

I'm sorry this has happened to you, and especially that it happened to your kids. Just know that you will get through this. Be the best parent they've got, because you are. Does that make sense?

[ShatteredMan]

Go NC and get some counseling.

 

Make a conscious effort to not repeat the mistakes of your past. Be the best father that you can to your kids and raise them to show, value and exude integrity, even if you've not done a good job of this yourself historically.