met a new guy. He's a sweetheart and I pushed him away :/

[MizzNatalie]

so backtrack to Jan.. I met up with a guy I had been communicating with online for a couple years. I was in his state this time and he was free. First "date" (I feel like that's what it was) went amazing. There was chemistry and it led to another two dates. a family member wound up in the ER at this time and I stayed with him the last night I was in town before driving home. 2 weeks later and that family member died so I was and still am in a pretty negative place.

 

Throughout the last 3 months... we've chatted every day. I have been in a really bad place and have gotten clingy (I know, I know) jealous, mean, etc, etc where it's been like a lot of angry text messages... he said he wouldn't do long distance and that's the reason he didn't get attached although he found me really great, and if I lived there he didn't turn down the idea of dating...I told him he would never date me and he said I assumed too much and to stop letting my mind wander. I wanted to apologize to him in person this last weekend as I was working a few hours away... so I drove there, even though he told me a couple days before not to as he said he would not see me and not be treated like a punching bag (I already made the lodging accommodations)

 

anyways I drive up there, do my own thing and of course reach out to him both nights I'm there. turns out I'm literally staying 4 miles away from him and during those two days I sent him probably 50 messages a day and he responded once. we never met up. surprise.

 

on the drive back... after crying that last night I reach out to him saying I'm leaving UT and he responds immediately, telling me although he's super attracted to me, what kind of man would he be if he had not stood by his word. he reiterated that he told me not to come and that things had changed and that in no circumstance would we ever date. He told me he was in a different place and single and hadn't been laid in months which is a new development but then suggested we probably would have been intimate had we seen each other which hadn't happened bc I flipped out. He followed up with saying nothing had changed and that we would talk later.

 

 

I realize I'm at fault and am assuming I should move the f* on. if you're a guy tho... advice please? If he hated me, he'd have blocked me. He wouldn't have responded on my drive home and wouldn't have said that he felt bad that I'm feeling like this. but why throw out the not getting laid for months.. and no relationship with me when that was already discussed months ago?

 

 

I haven't reached out to him and don't plan to as I'm a complete idiot for pushing him away. I still like him, but at what point do you fight for someone you had a really great thing with and how do you apologize without apologizing ? I've never had a guy turn me down like this, which is probably a good life lesson and overall just looking for advice as to how and if I should even try to reach out to him in the future.

 

thanks in advance.

natalie

[Hollyj]

OMG! You only went out there times!!! You need to deal with your attachment issues and complex lack of boundaries!

 

Why were you attempting the long distance thing, when he told you that he was not up for that? Why were you so nasty?

 

I cannot fathom why you would drive to his area when , HE TOLD YOU NOT TO! Then, you leave 50 messages! That;s nuts!!!!

 

Your behavior is concerning, obsessive and scary! Get some therapy!!

 

"just looking for advice as to how and if I should even try to reach out to him in the future."

Are you serious???? Leave this poor guy alone!

[MizzNatalie]

Thank you and you are correct. I will not reach out to him. I booked the place already and yes, I am insane. thank you for your advice. he's the one that said we'd talk later. so maybe that's why I was even entertaining that idea, but I'm better off dead in his life

[Hollyj]

You need to stop with the dramatics.

 

You did not know this guy, slept with him too early and made too many assumptions. You need to look into your actions, as you are lacking boundaries and showing disrespect to others. Do you always attach yourself to men this way?

[MizzNatalie]

no just ones that I have been talking to for a year and have had that kind of connection with that reiterated what a special connection it was. and especially one that stood by as a friend when I had a close relative die. so I guess that might be why. also, he's the one that kept asking me to stay in his life when I was really closing myself off from everyone from watching someone die during that time. I for sure will not respond to him if he ever reaches out again. thank you for your advice.

[Hollyj]

I seriously doubt he will reach out again.

 

He told you that he did not want to do a LDR. You need to accept this.

 

He was in your life for support during a difficult time. He was being a friend. Due to the situation, he does not want to be in contact. Accept this and move on.

[MizzNatalie]

thanks. I f*D up.

[Hollyj]

thanks. I f*D up.

 

Yes. You did.

 

I mean this in the kindest way: you need to address your behavior, as it was bordering on boiler bunny crazy. I would be scared if someone had acted in that manner.

[MizzNatalie]

This is correct. He really pushed for friendship and said so many sweet things, but I just had to push him away bc I am immature and compulsive. wow, this forum sure did its job. Thanks Holly!

[SherrySher]

Unfortunately this is not going to work out.

Even if it was your fault, please don't allow yourself to be treated so badly. Driving there and having him ignore you and only reply to one message is very bad. He was ignoring you and treating you badly but you are allowing it. He is no longer interested and it is now becoming almost obsessive on your end.

Please let this go.

It got messed up and if you continue to push he could very well start complaining to authorities. Just leave it now, for your own sake.

There are other men in this world.