how to help someone dear to you who is broken?

[Elyon]

so there's this girl who's a really really close friend of mine and i like her but we're only friends cause i haven't confessed. I've always known her as someone who's optimistic and cheerful but lately she feels very lost and miserable, and i feel so helpless constantly seeing her in this state no matter what i try to do. Among our friends circle, we're the closest and she tells me everything and i tell her everything and she did talk to me about how she's feeling; lost and having trouble keeping her anger issues in control. But i don't think that's really all what's about it, i feel like there's still a part that she doesn't want to talk about. I've tried talking to her and i guess it made her feel a little better but didn't really make that much of a difference. I've been purposely trying to come up with stuff that i know she goes crazy for but i was surprised to see her refusing all of them when me and our friends are about to do it (like watching her favorite movies and a lot of other stuff) saying she's not feeling well. She's disconnecting with almost everyone lately and it keeps getting worse each day. She recently just locks herself in her room and she's hurting herself by punching walls or breaking stuff. I really don't know what to do to help her feel better it's killing me seeing her in this state i'm getting more and more worried about her each day.

PS i'm the only one who knows about this even among our friends so there's no one to help me with this

[ThatwasThen]

You can't do anything for her (as you've discovered) but if you're really worried about her and her behaviour, can you talk to your parents about your worries regarding her and get their advice? Maybe a guidance counselor from your school can help? I'm assuming you're still in school.

 

Do you know her parents well?

[Elyon]

You can't do anything for her (as you've discovered) but if you're really worried about her and her behaviour, can you talk to your parents about your worries regarding her and get their advice? Maybe a guidance counselor from your school can help? I'm assuming you're still in school.

 

Do you know her parents well?

 

I'm not that close to my parents and i'm already in summer vacation so guidance counselor isn't available and was never helpful tbh. as you can see i'm completely alone in this matter.

[abitbroken]

You encourage her to see a counselor, or you talk to your parents. Do not get involved with trying to "fix" her. btw, she isn't "broken" - she might have anger issues but she is not your little injured bird for you to knit back together.

[ThatwasThen]

I'm not that close to my parents and i'm already in summer vacation so guidance counselor isn't available and was never helpful tbh. as you can see i'm completely alone in this matter.

You don't have to be close with your parents to ask them their advice. If you're saying they'll just tell you to mind your own business then perhaps you should do jus that because there is nothing you can do. If you're worried that she is depressed enough to harm herself then speak to her parents about your fears and then let them handle it.

[Elyon]

speak to her parents about your fears and then let them handle it.

 

her parents are a main cause for what's been happening with her and they don't support her at all. I'm really sorry i know you're trying to help and i keep putting it down but that's the current reality.

[abitbroken]

her parents are a main cause for what's been happening with her and they don't support her at all. I'm really sorry i know you're trying to help and i keep putting it down but that's the current reality.

 

Do you actually know that? lots of teenagers think their parents are the worst. I actually have great, supportive parents but thought they were evil at that age because we butted heads about boundaries and rules. Her parents - unless they are not home because they are in some drug flop house getting high - likely care about her deeply. She may paint a more dramatic picture. Why not ask your parents for advice? It might bring you closer to your parents.

[abitbroken]

And how do you know she bangs walls or if she is making it up? do you stay at her house? if she is acting erratically and banging her had against the wall and you are there, i would call her folks or the police so they can get her help

[Elyon]

Do you actually know that? lots of teenagers think their parents are the worst. I actually have great, supportive parents but thought they were evil at that age because we butted heads about boundaries and rules. Her parents - unless they are not home because they are in some drug flop house getting high - likely care about her deeply. She may paint a more dramatic picture. Why not ask your parents for advice? It might bring you closer to your parents.

 

I haven't met them personally i only listen to what she has to say about them and from what i've heard they give her a hard time in everything and there's no proper communication between them. But i guess i'll try talking to my parents about it. Thank you!

[Elyon]

And how do you know she bangs walls or if she is making it up? do you stay at her house? if she is acting erratically and banging her had against the wall and you are there, i would call her folks or the police so they can get her help

 

well that was a bit harsh..

[abitbroken]

I haven't met them personally i only listen to what she has to say about them and from what i've heard they give her a hard time in everything and there's no proper communication between them. But i guess i'll try talking to my parents about it. Thank you!

 

Thats what i would have said about my folks. I have siblings much younger than me and kind of laughed to myself when they were teens and said that mom and dad were ogres and so unfair and this and that. Really, they had rules and were hard on them because they cared. They didn't put up with drinking or smoking and had rules that looked reasonable to me when i was an adult looking back on it, but as a kid, i thought it was the end of the world.

[abitbroken]

well that was a bit harsh..

 

How is that harsh? If you are in someone's presenece and they are violent and banging the walls - you get them the help they need before they hit a person

[Elyon]

Thats what i would have said about my folks. I have siblings much younger than me and kind of laughed to myself when they were teens and said that mom and dad were ogres and so unfair and this and that. Really, they had rules and were hard on them because they cared. They didn't put up with drinking or smoking and had rules that looked reasonable to me when i was an adult looking back on it, but as a kid, i thought it was the end of the world.

 

I guess that's true. And what i meant by harsh i mean no i might have accidentally wrote it in an over exaggerating way. She's not a psycho who randomly bangs anything in front of her and in front of anyone. I mean when you're angry you would normally just punch your fist to the wall once or something but i guess she did that with a bit more force than necessary her knuckles started bleeding that's it

[abitbroken]

I guess that's true. And what i meant by harsh i mean no i might have accidentally wrote it in an over exaggerating way. She's not a psycho who randomly bangs anything in front of her and in front of anyone. I mean when you're angry you would normally just punch your fist to the wall once or something but i guess she did that with a bit more force than necessary her knuckles started bleeding that's it

 

No, that's normal to punch walls. Taking a walk or a jog, writing in a diary, etc, are normal things to do when you are angry

[SooSad33]

Been there.. and YES, teenage years are VERY difficult in some ways....

 

Sounds like she is acting out in frustration. And quite possible her parents are somewhat aware ( since she's hitting walls, etc.).

 

Sadly, not too much YOU can do. You are not one to feel you can 'save her'. That is up to them, as HER Parents to do.

That's what a parent is for..... not her 'friends'.

 

So, do be careful you as well do NOT get pulled into this too deeply.

My parents ended up putting me into a psych ward in my later teens, as I was 'losing my self control', self harming etc.

What she needs is some profession help... to work on dealing with her 'issues', that are affecting her at this time in her life.

 

Be kind, as you are but do be careful and dont get pulled into all of this. Only so much you can do..

Always.. take care of YOU.

 

Maybe just suggest to her that it might be an idea for her to talk to her parents ... honestly, and admit she does need help.

[Wiseman2]

Did she start using drugs or recently break up with someone? Please stop prying and playing therapist. You have a crush and this not the exit ramp out of the friendzone. Listen, don't misuse this situation as an opportunity. She needs her parents to bring her to a therapist, not a guy trying to cheer her up to win points.

so there's this girl who's a really really close friend of mine and i like her but we're only friends cause i haven't confessed.I've been purposely trying to come up with stuff that i know she goes crazy for but i was surprised to see her refusing all of them