Starting business with gf

[JupiterRising]

Hi there - my gf told me she always wanted to open a book store. One night I told her that she would be really good at it. The next day she sent me a list of stores to rent. I said it would be a great idea to do a pop up to test the idea before committing to a shop.

 

She said it s a great idea - and found a place to do the pop-up - they loved the idea - and said we should trail the idea together. We started discussing stock and business names etc. The pop up store owner asked if we wanted to go forward. But I said to my gf that I m unsure because I m unsure about the relationship.

 

My ex gf emailed the owner to say we will have to cancel the idea for now.

 

Just had break-up chat with gf (we might try again) - and turns out shes spoke to the lady again and already organised to run the idea without me. Im annoyed/worried that she will find success using the pop-up idea.

 

Guess I'm just jealous that it will be a success and I could have been part of it. But I don't want to stay In a relationship just to make a business idea work.

[mustlovedogs]

You use gf through most the post and ex gf once. Is this the same person?

 

You can't be jealous. She has every right to the business idea as you do.

[JupiterRising]

It's the same person - we are just on a break at the moment.

 

Do you think it would be a good idea if I gave it a go myself? I'm guess I'm jealous because I don't think I could do it as well as her. I might give it a go anyway.

[mustlovedogs]

Go ahead. But now you're basically competing with your exact business model. It will make business suffer for both of you.

[JupiterRising]

True.

 

I'm not sure what else to do though. I would feel bad if she became a runaway success. I don't think she wants to work alongside me anymore on the idea.

 

Thanks for you feedback anyway.

[Iggy5129]

Jealousy is a really stupid reason to start a business. Why can't you be an adult and let her have success without you? Your only reason is because it would make you "feel bad" not because you're passionate about the business.

 

Time to grow up and stop acting like a child.

[JupiterRising]

Pretty rude response - came here for some advice - not to be put down.

 

As I say - I feel like I contributed to the idea - by suggesting the pop - up idea - so it feels bad that the idea is running without me. And there's nothing wrong with feeling jealous - I am a human being.

 

Just looking for advice - not putdowns

[LaHermes]

Jealousy is a bad advisor, Jupiter. You ARE getting good advice here.

[j.man]

So what? It was her idea to start with.

[JupiterRising]

Thanks for your response - that's fine. But as i say I don't want to be put down for my jealousies or insecurities. Unhelpful and upsetting.

 

So you suggest I just leave her to it? Wanted to be part of the potential success myself - or have some exciting success in my life as well.

[dias]

Pretty rude response - came here for some advice - not to be put down.

 

As I say - I feel like I contributed to the idea - by suggesting the pop - up idea - so it feels bad that the idea is running without me. And there's nothing wrong with feeling jealous - I am a human being.

 

Just looking for advice - not putdowns

In this case it comes across as petty.

 

Besides, an idea doesn't mean anything. We all have ideas. Even if it's an exceptionally good idea there is the implementation part. That's the real deal.

 

Just wish her good luck! or compete with her!

[JupiterRising]

Ok not getting much love here - ha ha.

 

I just felt like I did help her move forward with her idea - and felt like i deserved some recognition for that.

 

Feel weird to directly compete with her - because I think she has more passion/skill in this area.

 

Ah well, fair enough

[mustlovedogs]

You may have collaborated, but she chose to run with it. You literally only have two options:

1) let her do it. She took the initiative to run with it. You do nothing or you do something else.

2) start up the same idea and compete with her. But do some market research and try and read about just fundamental microeconomic theory before doing this (bottom line: you'll both lose).

 

Jealousy is not how you make a business. If she's successful, yay for her. The idea was hatched soon before your breakup so who knows how much impact you had on it anyway.

 

AND EVEN IF YOU DID: take this as a lesson. Don't make business ideas with a chick you want to dump.

[dias]

You may have collaborated, but she chose to run with it. You literally only have two options:

1) let her do it. She took the initiative to run with it. You do nothing or you do something else.

2) start up the same idea and compete with her. But do some market research and try and read about just fundamental microeconomic theory before doing this (bottom line: you'll both lose).

 

Jealousy is not how you make a business. If she's successful, yay for her. The idea was hatched soon before your breakup so who knows how much impact you had on it anyway.

 

AND EVEN IF YOU DID: take this as a lesson. Don't make business ideas with a chick you want to dump.

Why is that?

[mustlovedogs]

Why is that?

 

Unless he is sure the demand for pop up book stores couldn't be filled by one, both would end up sharing the market and lose customers (IMO). Maybe pop up bookstores are in demand, but I would speculate the only thing markets can support multiple of in a small space is gas stations and Starbucks.

 

(The last sentence is a bit exaggerated. I'm not being entirely literal - specifying so people don't come running at me with more examples).

[annie24]

I personally wouldn't start a business with a partner for so many reasons. This is one of them. It's not like it was every your dream to own a bookstore, that's her dream. Thankfully, you broke up before you made a significant financial investment in your business. What if you poured thousands of dollars into it, then you broke up? And then you'd have to see her each day at work and manage a business together. blah. Tell her you wish her well on her business and leave it alone.

[Iggy5129]

I wasn't putting you down for feeling jealous. You're human and allowed to feel whatever you feel. But it's not a smart reason to start a business. I would let this business idea go.

 

It's cool if this has sparked your inner entrepreneur but it doesn't mean you have to go do the exact same business as her. I definitely encourage you to start your own business to get the excitement and success you want.

 

What is it you're passionate about? How can you make money doing that? It's better to start a business for something you enjoy, not because you're jealous of your ex. That's all I was saying.

[abitbroken]

She was passionate about a bookstore. You were not until she told you about it. You told her she'd be good at it.

 

Please listen to me.

 

Do not go into business with a girlfriend.

Been there/done that/got the tshirt.

Not a good idea.

 

It should be her business with you offering a supporting role that doesn't involve being a partner in the business if she wants you in it. Or you should be the primary.

 

But right now - you should not open a bookstore just because your feelings are hurt. She should open a bookstore if she wants to have one by herself or find a business partner she is not romantically involved in who can bring something like accounting skills or whatever to the table.

 

Please do not open a bookstore out of spite, which you will be doing and you will be doing it dispassionately.

[catfeeder]

I could understand this if books were a rising market instead of a declining one, and if there were any real profit margin on books, but neither is the case. Book stores are failing and folding everywhere--not even the giants are keeping most of their physical stores open, and those that remain profitable have coffee and food bars in them.

 

So what's the winning idea behind this business plan? Invest in a bunch of books and expensive rent to make 'what' happen, exactly?

 

You dodged a bullet.

[Rezie]

You are not actually starting a business with your girlfriend. You are asking if you should became a competing business against your ex-girlfriend.

 

When you were in a relationship with her she shared her dream with you and you brain stormed some ideas. You didn't want to be business partners with her since you were unsure about the relationship.

 

You break up and she decides to start the business that she wanted and is her dream. She uses the ideas you discussed. Now you want to be in competition with her out of spite and jealousy since you don't want her to do well in life. You had a chance to be in the business and you decided against it. Now you live with the consequences. I really hope she won't get back together with you.

 

You clearly have no interest in book stores so can't you be happy that your idea was beneficial to someone you supposedly cared about at one point? Also pop up is not exactly a new invention so that she can't really get a patent on it and become a millionaire. In that case I could understand that you'd be annoyed.

 

But hey, could be that it will work out for you in a way that her business is a failure and she will be covered in debt and become broke, unemployed and homeless. Always look for the silver lining.

[RainyCoast]

Wanted to be part of the potential success myself - or have some exciting success in my life as well.

okay. so what are you doing about that?

 

Because what she is doing to have excitement and success in her life is coming up with lists of stores overnight, talking to the managers and arranging for a two month trial in less time than it took you to bail out of both the relationship and the career opportunity.

 

it's almost as instead of the hard work, risk taking and commitment that both career and relationships demand, you thought you could just SAY *this would be good* and she would just make everything happen and you would just piggy back on her (yeah, she's good at it, i'm not...bull. she's been trying and working toward making something happen). You bailed out, you did nothing to get your own "career success", at least nothing you mentioned here, and now you're jealous?? jealous?? you're just disappointed that dumping the cow means getting no milk. Gees, suddenly unsure of this relationship, suddenly unsure if i want to invest in two months rent, suddenly bummed because I declined the opportunity which i neither created nor chased.

 

How long were you going to stay with her while "unsure of the relationship" if the cue to invest in two months rent hadn't come up?

 

ha. i can't believe you are jealous of the woman who was expected to give a man a relationship and a career that demands nothing of him and provides for him. hopefully, she hasn't wasted too much of her life this way.

 

btw, your username....

 

....i can't ignore the jovian tendency and wish to indulge in prosperity and success brought to one on a platter by benevolent others.

 

what is your plan to create success for yourself, what steps do you need to take for that to happen, and when will you do it?

[JupiterRising]

I didn't want to invest in the business because I was unsure about the relationship. I could have just continued and pursued the business to piggyback off her or whatever. So I feel like a did the right thing here - at least I was honest.

 

I could have just carried on like everything was normal.

[RainyCoast]

and i take it you have shared with her that you were unsure of the relationship before it was expected of you to invest something in it?

 

 

you said you wanted a share of the success towards which you didn't feel like working ("because she's the one who is made for it"), and you bailed out with the break up line when you were expected to do something for that success. you're fine with the success as long as it doesn't tie you down, and demands nothing of you.

 

"i just want success in my life. i am merely a human deserving of such happiness. i hoped i would get to share it. i am not made for this, she is good at it. i was unsure of the relationship and the joint business".

 

so you wanted her to invest and work toward the success. you did not want to share a business with someone you don't want to be with anymore--

 

 

BUT

 

you wanted a share of it and you're bummed and jealous you're not getting it.

 

How in god's green pastures is one entitled to a share of something they did nothing to earn, and from a person they don't love or care to work with?

 

what IS there for you to feel bummed and jealous about?

 

i can't imagine how she feels. her boyfriend went "know what would be great? if you did all the work to run a successful bookstore and i got to indulge in the success" and then when she had everything set up and asked for his partnership and the deposit, the guy dropped the "i'm unsure about us" bomb on her.

 

back to your career path -- since nothing will cure you of the jealousy over someone else's success than your own-- what do you do for a living? what would you like to do? what are you doing to get there? is it all the same to you what the work is, as long as it's profitable, and if so, have you consulted anyone on second source finances?

[JupiterRising]

That's not actually true - before coming to respond to the store owner - my gf/ex asked if I would bail in two weeks. I said I don't know - I feel unsure about things - so I don't want to promise the world. I had mentioned my feelings about the relationship proir - I was scared of committing and then letting her down later. Because it's no longer just a relationship - it's a relationship and her business dream. I didn't want to let her down later rather then now. So I was honest - maybe I made a mistake there - which is why I'm posting now - but I was honest about my insecurities.

 

Yes you are right I need to sort my own life out regardless - and I think if we ever got back together it's best she does her idea by herself. I need to figure out how to create my own success. I am actually very successful in my domain - but I have always wanted to start my own company - never had the balls to do it tho.

[Wiseman2]

Volunteering a suggestion while dating is not intellectual property if she decides to go forward with her idea alone, since you are on break. Also there's no need to be in a relationship to get a business partner.

Im annoyed/worried that she will find success using the pop-up idea. Guess I'm just jealous that it will be a success and I could have been part of it. But I don't want to stay In a relationship just to make a business idea work.