Roadrunner3 Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 After ending a 10 yr relationship last summer, around a month after I joined a dating app. After meeting a few guys I liked online, my trust was damaged badly by several catfish. Then a great guy got in contact in Dec. We moved onto a private forum to chat. I asked for his name, he gave one, I googled it and nothing came up. He was very forward and expressed deep feelings quickly, along with being gorgeous looking he was also very intelligent with a good career. However he lived in a different country in the UK. Yes, alarms bells were ringing. During conversations he began to tell me of a past he regretted (he didn't eat babies/try to resurrect Hitler or anything like that), however his past could ruin his future or at least severely impact it. That explained the false name in my mind. But I was still wary. At Christmas I said I didn't trust he was 'him' and that I've been lied to before. He respected my decision to walk away. I didn't. We continued to get to know each other and he arranged to visit for a weekend, flight was cancelled due to Storm Doris. A family member of his then had an accident but everything seemed ok. He arranged to come over for a week, then the family member had complications due to the accident and the visit was again cancelled. I decided to search the pics he sent and they showed on a modelling webpage, I linked it and confronted him. He apologised I found them, said he sold the pics years ago for money and didn't use his name. I arranged to visit him, the visit was cancelled due to post-op complications. He said he had told his parents and his boss that he'd met someone, then I told my parents about him. We really seemed to fall for each other but knowing he hadn't given me his true name was always causing me doubt. He wanted to know if I'd move Country to live with him. We discussed various topics it would entail. Then I inadverently frightened him about his past, he thought I told someone. He explained he'd already had a blackmail attempt. Time moved on but talk of us living together, even meeting up simmered down. I thought I was being completely messed around so I went back on the dating app. He contacted me under a fake profile and confronted me the next day, I admitted everything and apologised, explaining why I did it. He said he was angry, hurt and upset but he didnt want to lose me. He had gone back onto the app to see if I was serious about living with him. He asked to start again. He said he didn't want a life without me. Soon after a friend asked about my love life, I told her I met someone, she asked for a pic. She came back to say without a question of a doubt the pic was of someone else and I was being conned. I asked him again about the pics. He said he'd already explained before, thought I'd had him investigated and blocked me. It was quickly resolved. A while later I said I still couldn't get my head around the pics, he blocked me again. It was resolved. He said he couldn't understand my actions, said I knew more about him than anyone in the world, yet all I could think of was 'yes, apart from your name'. Anyway, very recently a family member of mine sickened and died. Emotions got the better of me and I bluntly asked him what his intentions about us were and that I struggled he even told me his real name. He ended it saying he'd specifically told me not to check his name, I was too much for him to handle and he wanted to call it a day. I messaged back to say that this had been caused by him not being genuine,to put himself in my shoes and to think things over before making things final. I heard nothing for 4/5 days, so I messaged to say that I guess I had my answer, I understood why he intially gave a fake surname but not why he continued to and that it had been impossible for me to trust him when he wouldn't do the same. I have had no reply in 5 days. I am not blocked however. I know I've hurt him. He has hurt me. We are both most likely upset, angry and frustrated with each other. I believe what he has told me, yet what I could not cope with was how he could possibly love someone from behind the barrier of a false name. He most likely cannot cope with me questioning him about things he has (or believes he has) already explained. I think we are both in the right and both in the wrong. He said we belonged together, could build a fantastic life together, he was in awe that I loved him and he never wanted to lose me. I don't want to lose him either. I think space will allow us to get perspective and to cool off, however I don't know where to go from here. Obviously there is more detail to the story but I've tried to keep it as short as possible. The relationship lasted 5 months. I suppose what I'd really appreciate is your perspective, opinion and advice. Thank you in advance. Link to comment
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