Anyone know how to find out whether your girlfriend has moved on?

[LarrySmith]

Anyone know how to find out whether she has moved on? I don't know, kinda feels as though it truly is over. We stay in contact ONLY when I initiate and never has she initiated. Kinda typical of her to have this method of communication but this is another notch. As for myself, the feelings are being removed. Perhaps a strategy of her to give us distant and space.

 

It's gotten to the point where I think what was the whole point in being with her?

 

In any case, what's left is curiosity and less emotion. Either good or bad.

 

How to find out for sure though? I also think there will be that day We meet as we had talked about. I'm not sure anymore nor do I seem to feel like I care much. This is either good or bad. I'm either moving on but what if we rekindle again? Or if only one of us does, then what?

 

I'd like to have thoughts from those that did get back together after weeks or months and those who didn't. What do you guys/gals think?

[MissCanuck]

Sex will probably die. She will seem indifferent and distracted. She won't bother to make plans with you, though may respond to your invites. She will, however, probably accept invitations from friends or coworkers instead.

 

What do you mean that you have talked about it, though? Has she already indicated she might want to end this?

[Clio]

If you broke up, trying to find out will only reverse whatever progress you have made. This is your mind bargaining its way out of no contact. The fact that you are considering this indicates that whether you admit this or not, you are not as aloof about this as you are trying to appear.

 

Edit : Reading your post again, it's very confusing. Haven't you 'officially' broken up?? If not, you need to talk, end this limbo and break up already. No communication = NO relationship.

[Rezie]

I'm not following if she is your girlfriend or ex-girlfriend? Have you broken up or not?

 

If you haven't broken up then just officially end it. It sound like there is no relationship but neither has just said it our loud.

 

If you have broken up then it doesn't matter if she has moved on. You just work on moving on.

[jujusamples]

You are clearly not over her and is clearly not moving on. If you are, you wouldn't be wondering what you are wondering.

 

Just to give you some insight on what may happen if you do get back together = Resentments! The relationship was over to begin with for a reason. That reason isn't going to fix itself just because you broke up and got back together.

 

The only time I've seen a couple get back together and actually worked out (as in they are happily married now) is if they are broken up for years and years. They both have gotten over the relationship. They started all over from square one. A brand new relationship.

 

I've also seen and experienced it myself of getting back with an ex after a month or two post breakup. It's only going to get worst. As I mentioned, whatever the reason for the breakup in the first place has not gotten resolved. It is also too soon to fully get over the relationship. Getting over the relationship doesn't necessary mean you have to totally forget about the person, it means getting over the relationship you had with that person. The relationship that didn't work out in the first place.

 

The second round is going to be worst, more fights and each fight is more intense. Then third is even worst and it will just spiral out of control.

 

I say, it's not a good idea to try to stay in contact. Try to move on and stop torturing yourself by wondering if she moved on.

 

I'm giving this advice assuming that you two have broken up. Yes, it's rather confusing because in your tittle you said "girlfriend".

[Capricorn3]

I'm not following if she is your girlfriend or ex-girlfriend? Have you broken up or not?

 

If you haven't broken up then just officially end it. It sound like there is no relationship but neither has just said it our loud.

 

If you have broken up then it doesn't matter if she has moved on. You just work on moving on.

 

I second this post.

[LarrySmith]

For all practical purposes, she's an ex.

 

We broke up through another medium that's not in person. Hence why I mentioned the meeting we had brought up.

 

is it truly that impossible for the workaround? There's a lot of doom and gloom kinda thing. Will someone throw a limelight to the opposite situation. There are cases, no?

 

The problem emerged as a result due to lack of communication. One of the five or six common reasons for breakups. This alone would have helped tremendously.

What do folks now think about the situation?

[Clio]

I went back and read your previous posts. To me the problem is that you were/are too different. Your temperaments/basic nature were too different and this fundamental incompatibility resulted in the manifestations that eventually drove you apart. Had your basic natures been more compatible, she wouldn't have been affected so much by the way you handle your life. Obviously, workaholism, criticism and taking out your stress on your partner are destructive for any relationship and you need to learn from this so as not to repeat it in future relationships. However, it sounds like she also had several issues of her own, one being that she failed to be direct regarding the things that bothered her and being OCD about certain things from the sound of it. Even if you were to change your part, her part would still remain. Plus, you can only go so far changing yourself. You cannot change your basic nature. The sad truth is that relationships are like a living organism and once dead the damage cannot be reversed regardless of being able to see what went wrong. It always takes two and the right momentum. In your case, it sounds like she is not on board regarding giving it another chance and that makes all the difference. Sadly, it doesn't matter if you've seen the light if she doesn't feel like trying again. You cannot change her feelings. Based on what you wrote, your best bet would be to go strict no contact and accept that whatever you two had is dead. In her state of mind, all communications from you only drive her further away as your mere presence serves as a reminder of the bad parts of the relationship. It would require a long stretch of no contact for her to start remembering the good parts of the relationship on her own and that is only if she doesn't meet someone interesting in the meantime. You cannot control the outcome, which is why your best bet is to accept that it's over and try your best to move on. Based on what you wrote in your previous threads, yours is one of the cases where it would require years of no contact and BOTH of you mentally moving on and changing on your own to become more compatible and neither of you meeting someone else in the meantime. Those are a lot of parameters that would need to fall in place. You best bet either way is to accept that what you two once had is dead and move on.

[Annia]

I also don't understand if you're still together or not. If you've broken up and you're still referring to her as your girlfriend, wondering if she's moved on, communicating with her even though she never takes the initiative, then you haven't moved on and shouldn't be wondering about her... should just initiate NC and try to move on.

 

If you two haven't broken up, then what you have is not a relationship, because you two don't communicate and you have doubts if she's in the relationship or not. In that case it's better to have a final talk and break up because this doesn't seem like a relationship by what you wrote.

[Rezie]

For all practical purposes, she's an ex.

 

We broke up through another medium that's not in person. Hence why I mentioned the meeting we had brought up.

 

is it truly that impossible for the workaround? There's a lot of doom and gloom kinda thing. Will someone throw a limelight to the opposite situation. There are cases, no?

 

The problem emerged as a result due to lack of communication. One of the five or six common reasons for breakups. This alone would have helped tremendously.

What do folks now think about the situation?

 

I'm not following what you are tryig to say. But no matter of the circumstances you are broken up and she doesn't have to be in communiation with you. Work on yourself and try to move on and let this relationship go..

[MissCanuck]

You are broken up. I don't see how not doing so in person is relevant, to be honest. Can you elaborate?

 

I also don't really get why you're planning on meeting in person, nor why you're still referring to her as your girlfriend.

[LarrySmith]

when it all had happened, she had expressed that she had feelings but stated that we are different. She Threw in a few questions and was unsure. Out of carelessness I stated that we could end it to which she immediately took the offer. Few minutes later I entered into it again but this time with trying to help with the relationship problems. Seeing how in doing my half of the part, it can help, thought I'd do this. Been like this for now.

[Capricorn3]

when it all had happened, she had expressed that she had feelings but stated that we are different. She Threw in a few questions and was unsure. Out of carelessness I stated that we could end it to which she immediately took the offer. Few minutes later I entered into it again but this time with trying to help with the relationship problems. Seeing how in doing my half of the part, it can help, thought I'd do this. Been like this for now.

 

Am I the only one having great difficulty in understanding the OP's posts?

 

OP, all I can make out is that she is your ex. That means, it is over. Move on. No sense in wasting time and energy on an ex. Let it go.

[Anon107]

I've been in both. My best advice is to trust gut, it rarely lies. The only real way to find out is to ask. Chances are if you aren't feeling the same anymore it is already over. Downhill spiral from there. Staying out of comfort is not the thing to do.

[MissCanuck]

Am I the only one having great difficulty in understanding the OP's posts?

 

OP, all I can make out is that she is your ex. That means, it is over. Move on. No sense in wasting time and energy on an ex. Let it go.

 

Same here.

 

It seems to me that you're already broken up, OP. I don't see where there is any grey area about it. Does she still consider you her boyfriend? If not, then you have to let go.

[LarrySmith]

We have a scheduled meet in six days. If it sounds complicated it's because it is and u can see why I've resorted to asking you folks.

[MissCanuck]

We have a scheduled meet in six days. If it sounds complicated it's because it is and u can see why I've resorted to asking you folks.

 

OP, you said you suggested the relationship end. She took the offer.

 

What is complicated about that?

 

Why are you meeting in person?

 

You are not very clear in your posts, hence our confusion in trying to understand the current situation.

[LarrySmith]

She took the offer but I regretted it, shortly after. Afterwards began a uncertain phase. Does that not help the confusion?