Feeling ignored, worthless and less than everyone else.

[Sarah1231]

Today was kind of a breaking point to me. During my childhood, I grew up feeling less than others, less beautiful, less smart, less important, less interesting .. etc

I have the most loving family in the world, but in school and occasionally at home I always felt rather ignored, am always the one made fun of when she talks, the one with nothing interesting to say, the fake one who's trying to be more than what she is, the one who doesn't know when or what to say, the ugly nerd who isn't so cool to hang out with .. etc

 

This left me with zero confidence. Now I'm 23 and for the past 5 years I have been trying to increase my confidence and self esteem.

I'm a medical student, I like playing the piano, jogging, am a fitness freak with a body as fit as . I practice yoga and I am quite healthy. I'm often told that I'm beautiful. I have many nice friends; Lots of great things that can boost anyone's self esteem. The thing is, i could never break out of this thing that developed inside me since childhood. I still feel less, I still am shy and I freak out in social situations. I've never been smart enough to talk eloquently without rushing the words or increasing the pitch. I feel ignored in parties and it feels awkward to be lonely in a social situation.

 

All I want is to feel self content, to be happy in my own skin, to act cool in social situations. To be able to arrange my thoughts without chocking in my own words. I want to feel interesting and smart and loved and important. I've been working on this for too long, have been trying to increase y confidence by any mean but it just never happens.

 

 

What should I do? I really need a definite answer to that, i have already read tons of articles about that but nothing helps.

[Wiseman2]

Stop trying to impress people. Relax and learn to shine the light on others rather than yourself. Be gracious, not the loudest fastest speaker who talks over people. Get your ego in check.

 

Developed empathy, compassion and interest in others, learn to listen and be interested rather than over focused on your self. Smile. Stop doing this 1231;6821748]one who's trying to be more than what she is

[RainyCoast]

the reason articles don't help is because they do not deconstruct and dispute your limiting beliefs, so that you can replace them with helpful and realistic ones. therapy does, and also gives you tons of skills that will be applicable in many areas of your life.

[SherrySher]

Life doesn't have to be a competition and you've been doing this to yourself now for far too long. It's no wonder you're tired and depressed. You have been not only criticising yourself but comparing yourself to others constantly and making yourself out to be less than.

These are two behaviours you must stop.

 

You are who you are. There is always going to be someone who does things better and also someone who does things worse. That's life and that's how it is for every single one of us.

It's a matter of acceptance and being okay with that.

 

If someone else has an easier time at different things, that does not make them better or more worthy..not at all!!!

Each one of us as human beings have our own gifts and our own value. We are all different. But not better than the other one.

We all matter.

If there are things you wish to become better at, such as speaking in social situations, you can work on that. It can be more difficult for some than others. But it's a skill to practice and again, does not mean you are any less valuable.

You can work on these different skills, but do not be so harsh on yourself if you still work at bit harder at it than others.

It's okay.

You still matter and you are still worthy.

 

There are different groups to join that might possibly help with the talking, such as toastmasters, but you also can address your anxiety and try to work on that and as well to stop the self criticism and being so harsh on yourself.

Only you can change how you see yourself and I hope the make the choice to be kind and love yourself now instead of being so critical of yourself.

[WombatShadow]

I hate being that person who recommends therapy all the time, but it could definitely benefit you. Having someone with whom you can confide in freely and in confidence who is also trained to help will allow you to make some breakthroughs and develop strategies that those of us on anonymous chatrooms can't really help you with.

[Annia]

I agree with everybody that therapy would be beneficial. You need to know where this insecurity stems and how to teach yourself not to be defined and controlled by it. It's important to stop relating yourself with those self sabotaging beliefs. If you think that others see you as inferior, you'll perceive people's actions as such. We create the reality we live in even if it's through means of perception and narrowing the reality to fit our narrative.

 

I can relate to some of what you feel. I was bullied for many years and also had some issues with my family. So I grew very insecure and also felt like I was less than the other people who I perceived so confident and attractive. However it's just a matter of perception... many of us have insecurities and feel that too, but some disguise it better than others and a few can cope with it and even overcome it. I also read many articles and nothing helped. However some advice on this forum helped me a lot to start tackle all this. I'm still not the most confident person out there, but I now can identify those destructive thoughts and catch them before they damage me more. I can also understand that they are just skewed perceptions. It's a learning process. I think you'll be able to do this too and therapy might help you a lot. It's hard and painful sometimes, but the benefits are huge.

[catfeeder]

Today was kind of a breaking point to me.

 

Sounds counter-intuitive, but breaking is a good thing: it breaks old habits and opens us up to new and creative thinking and behaviors.

 

Kids learn by making comparisons with others, while growing into adulthood teaches us to ascend beyond that and to focus instead on making our own climb. We can't do that when we're preoccupied with other people's stuff. We do it by reaching for our best resilience and finding the generous places in ourselves that can afford to help the next person feel valued and cherished by us. This amplifies us and builds deeper and more fulfilling bonds--far beyond what attention-seeking can accomplish.

 

We're all a bunch of frightened human animals struggling to do the best we know how at any given time. We expand our strengths when we flex them to help someone else make their climb along with us, and we view those ahead of us as inspiration rather than as competition.

 

If you're in school, your tuition covers mental health counseling. You've already paid for it, so why not use it to learn some mental and behavioral tools that can change your old habits of making bummer comparisons that demoralize you instead of generous thinking that starts with yourself and extends to others.

 

Suffering rarely comes from what we're not getting, it comes from what we're not giving.

 

Head high.

[No1]

Another vote for you to see a professional. Seems like you are looking at what others have and you don't have vs looking and what you have accomplished.

Looking at what others have, better looks, boyfriend, married, money, smarter, taller and so on, when you just have to accept that you alone is one amazing person. You are your own unique soul and you are beautiful, intelligent, outgoing, genuine, down to earth and many people look at you and say that you have it all.

 

You look at others, others look at you when we should really look at ourselves. Ill let you in on a secret, the people you look at are not perfect and neither are you. Accept we are not and improve our strengths and try to minimize or eliminate our weaknesses. We all make mistakes and earn victories. Be proud of you.