1 step forward 10 steps back. Becoming exhausted.

[jonnyboy12]

6 weeks now since we broke up.

 

Last week I was feeling pretty good, I had found out she had already moved on and yes it hurt but it gave me a kind of anger to move on. This weekend i was out with my friends, I saw them together in the club, it really hurt, i never thought it would but it did, it ruined my night. She tried to shout some abuse at me as I walked past but I ignored it. She then started whatsapping me early that morning (I didnt even know she had whatsap....) telling me she heard I had been texting another girl etc...I had started to text this girl a day after I found out about her and her new guy. I ignored the messages but again its like contact and it made me cave in and I looked at her social media...just made it worse for myself, all I can see is boys following her, her following boys, tweeting really attention seeking things etc. Shes beautiful so of course this is going to happen but I just ain't sure how to deal with it. She is shoutiing at me for texting someone yet she is meeting someone, kissing him, talking to god knows how many others after telling me all the things about never going near boys for a long time, having respect for me, loving me....all i can think is "was it all lies, was it all fake"? she was saying how she "felt sick" at the thought of me speaking to someone....does she actually hear herself? How does she think I feel? I felt physically sick seeing her with this new guy.

 

Its such a mess. 1step forward 10 steps back. I honestly wish I could just forget about her. The truth is I still love her, more than anything, even after the crap shes put me through. All the time she tries to turn it on me, makes me feel like the bad one. She said "i cant believe you would stoop so low and already be texting someone, thats not the boy i know, thats not the boy I fell in love with" - BUT SHE IS ALREADY MEETING SOMEONE!!!???, "I only get nasty because you do" - blaming me again? "you've changed so much" - I've not changed at all??

 

Its unbelievable like it really is. I just want a fresh start, its so hard at this age, everythings on social media, everyone knows each other, my city isnt huge so everyone kinda knows everyone. Im just fed up, really fed up like I can't even explain it. Just want away from here.

[Keyman]

Hey Bruv, sorry this continued to be like this. She sounds less and less like someone you should be with. In fact, it sounds like you got the better deal of no longer being with her. From what you describe, she sounds narcissistic.

 

But, while it feels like you've gone backwards, you haven't. It just seems like that. You are, in fact, steadily going forward and these are simply bumps in the road. Keep focused on the goal, to get past this and move on. Stay plodding forward and imagine whatever she throws at you simply bouncing off. She is just after your attention, so best don't give it to her. If you can, perhaps stay away from the club she goes to, or perhaps even stay away from clubs full stop for a while. Find something else to do away from it.

 

It is also normal to fall off the wagon and look her up on social media after situations like this. Just keep turning it off and moving forward. Block her on Whatsapp and everything else again. And keep with us, bro, we are here on this journey with you. We've all been there before as well, so we do understand. Just keep on going, it will take time, but it will pass. It always does.

[WombatShadow]

Definitely block her on everything. You already know she's an attention-seeker, but what may not be as clear to you is that you're probably her number one target for attention. After all, you still have feelings for her, and she knows she can play off those. Also, she probably does have feelings left for you; not necessarily enough feelings to spur on a (healthy) reconciliation, but like you she spent a year of her life with you as a main character, and that doesn't just go away in a couple of months.

 

So block her, keep on keeping on, and you'll be good. Also, be careful when texting this new girl. Are you actually into her or are you just lashing out because your ex hurt your feelings? You don't want to spur your text-partner to come on here eventually when you break up with her because you were never over your ex.

[melancholy123]

Why havent you blocked her from all possible means of contact? That will go a long way towards helping you heal and move on.

[hrb23]

Block her, delete her number, move on. If you have to go to a different club, do it!

[Wiseman2]

Just don't do this to yourself. Ignore and delete and block her from social media and messaging apps, go strict no contact.. Did she start seeing this guy toward the end of your relationship?

Agree 123;6821663]Why havent you blocked her from all possible means of contact? That will go a long way towards helping you heal and move on.

[Dominique]

Just don't do this to yourself. Ignore and delete and block her from social media and messaging apps, go strict no contact.. Did she start seeing this guy toward the end of your relationship?

Agree

 

Agree. Block. Delete. Disappear

[gcmc1121]

The more you try to hang on the more it'll hurt, like everyone else is saying, it is best to let go. Cut all the ties with social media. Some things may be unavoidable but the ones that you can control, do it.

[Careerchoice]

Make today Day 1 of No Contact for real. Don't judge yourself negative for what's happened, none of that matters anymore since it's the past. You'll get over her and find someone new. This happens to people all the time. Look around you for proof. Everyone always gets over their ex and finds someone new. You will be no exception.

[jonnyboy12]

Hey Bruv, sorry this continued to be like this. She sounds less and less like someone you should be with. In fact, it sounds like you got the better deal of no longer being with her. From what you describe, she sounds narcissistic.

 

But, while it feels like you've gone backwards, you haven't. It just seems like that. You are, in fact, steadily going forward and these are simply bumps in the road. Keep focused on the goal, to get past this and move on. Stay plodding forward and imagine whatever she throws at you simply bouncing off. She is just after your attention, so best don't give it to her. If you can, perhaps stay away from the club she goes to, or perhaps even stay away from clubs full stop for a while. Find something else to do away from it.

 

It is also normal to fall off the wagon and look her up on social media after situations like this. Just keep turning it off and moving forward. Block her on Whatsapp and everything else again. And keep with us, bro, we are here on this journey with you. We've all been there before as well, so we do understand. Just keep on going, it will take time, but it will pass. It always does.

 

I agree. I think she is a narcissist. Yeah I suppose you are right, I just need to stay focused. She sent me more nasty messages lastnight so I blocked her. Its kind of like I want to see what she says but I want to block her also. So I blocked her. She started going in on my family saying I've not been brought up right, I never treated her well throughout the relationship etc, its really hurt, because I seriously treated her like a princess during our relationship, everyone knows it. Even my parents were shocked at the lengths Id go to for her. I just don't understand why she is being like this, because I texted someone when we arent even together? She said she has so much hatred for me and that any chance I ever had of getting her back is gone....but I don't want her back....

[jonnyboy12]

Why havent you blocked her from all possible means of contact? That will go a long way towards helping you heal and move on.

 

I had. She went out her way to download whatsaap to contact me

[jonnyboy12]

Definitely block her on everything. You already know she's an attention-seeker, but what may not be as clear to you is that you're probably her number one target for attention. After all, you still have feelings for her, and she knows she can play off those. Also, she probably does have feelings left for you; not necessarily enough feelings to spur on a (healthy) reconciliation, but like you she spent a year of her life with you as a main character, and that doesn't just go away in a couple of months.

 

So block her, keep on keeping on, and you'll be good. Also, be careful when texting this new girl. Are you actually into her or are you just lashing out because your ex hurt your feelings? You don't want to spur your text-partner to come on here eventually when you break up with her because you were never over your ex.

 

She really is. 13 pictures of herself on twitter in 3 days.....LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME!! I do have feelings yes and you are right she knows I do. Well it seems like she cares that I've texted someone but how can she comfortably meet and kiss someone already, I turned down going out for dinner with a really nice girl because it felt wrong.

This new girl, its just chat, she has recently broken up with her bf and both going through same thing, we both agreed it would be casual for now.

[jonnyboy12]

Keep getting night sweats and having horrible dreams about her...why wont this stop

[hrb23]

Keep getting night sweats and having horrible dreams about her...why wont this stop

 

It will. Once you initiate NC and start focusing on other things and other relationships. It will stop. While you continue to let her consume your life she will continue to consume your mind like she did last night.

[jonnyboy12]

It will. Once you initiate NC and start focusing on other things and other relationships. It will stop. While you continue to let her consume your life she will continue to consume your mind like she did last night.

 

I thought I didn't care but it pains me to think she will be with someone else (thats what my dream was lasttnight) , I honestly set up a picture in my head of living my life with her and to think that now she'll do that with someone else its explainable how I feel.

[hrb23]

I thought I didn't care but it pains me to think she will be with someone else (thats what my dream was lasttnight) , I honestly set up a picture in my head of living my life with her and to think that now she'll do that with someone else its explainable how I feel.

 

So it's time to set up a new picture in your head. A picture where you're with someone that isn't going to play these games and make you feel this way. Remember you can't find Mrs right while you're with Mrs wrong. The proof in that is in the fact she is making you feel horrible just for talking to someone else. Now, you WILL find someone else, but first you have to erase this picture in your head, stop idolizing her and replace these thoughts.