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Emotional Triggers of Ex

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I've had a few triggers of my ex in the past several days. Her father contacted me through email checking in on me (diagnosed with cancer last year - 9 months in remission). I had to tell him we could no longer be in touch. I think he will respect that. I received some mail for her that couldn't be forwarded, so I mailed them to her myself. Then I went to a nightclub last night that we used to frequent religiously for many years. It was so lonely dancing by myself. Today she finally deposited a check I wrote her at the end of January. I had been checking my account online to see when she would get around to it.


I notice have a really hard time with eye contact when speaking to people. I have to force myself to hold it and I know it comes off as unnatural at times. I feel like I have so much pain and I don't want people to see it in my eyes. I wish I knew a way to fix this.


I have been in NC for almost 5 months. I know we'll never speak again. I have no regrets about anything in the relationship. The only regret I have is not ending it sooner. I loved her so much.

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